holding on to love unknown

in a world of crashing hopes

and failing dreams

we are two souls

yearning for places

in hearts we don't own.

His kiss was vacant

His stare drew ice from her veins

That no warmth pleaded could melt away

And she knew now how he felt

When she ****** him and walked away

Because love hurt more than she could say

Because his touch was where she wanted to stay

And when he asked her why she left

the tender words would not come  

She flit about like a bird with a broken wing

Too angry pecking eyes out to sing

To his tune, Because his love left her cold aeons ago

And she could not unremember it.

And while the fractures of his frozen heart  fell,

Hers had melted into a boiling *** of pain and despair

She found love

But the words would not come

Unanswered he left before she was done

He tried to say, but his words would not come

And the tragedy is, that if they were really listening...

Neither one needed to say anything at all.

I know you're thinking of me
For the simplest of facts you know I'm thinking of u.
Caught myself in a bunch of spare time
driving around with those love songs we'd dedicate to eachother.
Stupid lines that cut the situation out perfectly
each song followed by a perfect sync to the facts of our love.
It was a glorious time
Passion and danger, love on the rocks,
Everyday something new. Fleeting heart moments all fallen askew
"Tell me how to love you" you would often ask while doing it as perfectly as i didn't know i wanted.
Gotta turn off this radio.
This **** is getting too real again.
The music stops in time with the stoplight as as if on cue.
I felt you, a raw energy drawing my head to the side.
i looked at the same exact moment you did to see the light of our eyes. You were right there.
It took 2 seconds of eternity before the lights changed still managing to transfer a universe of missing between us as we turned in opposite directions.
I know you're thinking of me.
For the simple fact I'm still thinking of you.

*****!

Love grows stronger as I grow weaker in my defence of you
The tides roll in dragging me deeper into the abyss of your love
The stars look upon a hopeless fool's devotion, hoping, guiding gently
I could hold the moon accountable, the way she shone in your eyes
The wind that carried the scent of you so unbearingly close
I won't leave this place in my soul for another
I have never succeeded enough
To put faith in our breaking ties.

light touches bring me closer only still further than my reach.

what do I do?

I try to go forward but only bump into you

I cling to the hope that those love strings are broken

and I trip up on those knots you tied with love left unspoken



the heart wants what the heart wants

from this there is no disguise

you read my eyes like paragraphs,

my weary smile hides the sweetest lies

my tears hold untold chapters in my silent cries





so I ask again what else is there but to go on

waiting for an infinite love to die in my soul

every distraction void  I live for every hopeless sign.

what the **** else is there,

but to make a heart once whole

learn to live half a beat at a time?

In the hollow inside my soul

Rattling around a cage

scraping yet more and more flesh

I dont go down those steps anymore

But I can feel you scratching at the door

Dragging every sweet moment into the abyss of bitter

And the salt of my tears crystallised long ago

With nothing but dust to offer

The ocean of tears still drown me

And resurrection feels neither glorious or healing

Such long tendrilled fingers

Frightened to let go

I might have forgotten you

But you won't let me

Until you take every part of me for yourself

But I still walk forwards

And every day I will get further

And you will be but a pin *****

In my new tomorrow

And despair will forget my name

I gave you the last word
the last iota to carefully balance your position on
I left the gaping disparity unaddressed
I smiled pleasantly in the face of your lying pathology
I let your opinion of me ring out unchallenged
I walked out like a lady in high heels and a devil-may-care dress
a warm smile to ease your frozen heart
you creaked for an instant
but true to form,
you certainly ****** that up didn't you?

you know I will honour you to the end.

whether you show me you care or you dont.

I have faith in it.

I rest the corners of my mind on it.

I bleed real tears from my deepest soul.

I call for your comfort.

it may not come at all, but mine is here to rest your weary head

a soft lap and warm shoulder.

I will not abandon you though I may be silenced

my nothingness is not without love.

even when there are no words...

The worn old Black velvet sky with a multitude of clustered pinholes where light escaped its restraints to slip through and rest gently on the blackened earth. A wonder of the ever searching light and the void of darkness that held it at bay. Whatever the contortion; shadows, light and darkness, danced between life and death, obscurity and revelation, hovering between the fragile tensions. If there was another way, none would use it. It has been this way from the first inkling of the memory of the beginning and like such entrenchedaditions, none saw the value of variants as the aeons proved. But ,just once in every billions of realities, there is one exception that brings with it a cataclysmic brilliance, that propels all consciousness and reason into a new birth, a newness of creation, with new realities unfolding, creating a new stream of well worn traditions. May they be ever more in the light of ether’s unfolding story of depths and heights, for the joy is in overcoming endlessly, a new and unfathomable task of enlightenment and a constant serarch for the ever expanding, ever changing now and then, through always.

Hanging on scratchy thoughts with wispy edges
Trying to capture the essence of a memory
But its like catching fluffy daisy seeds swirling in the wind
Just when you think you've got one, you dont!
Off they go drifting out of sight, fading,
just like the memory of you
I don't even have the past to hold on to like I used to
Been so long;
and just because I cant grasp every warm memory
Doesn't mean i miss you any less,  
The gaps are only wider
And I miss you even more.

The beats thrum home
Each rise and fall,  
A rhythmic calm
Breath Whispers
Warmth nuzzles,
Lips graze
Fingertips trace
Imersed in contentedness
Love has coalesced

I kissed the wings on the heels of love's brokenness
I drew the breath that carried the words that lanced love's boldness
I drew the sword that sliced the veil of hope
I pelted icicles of cold affront that built a towering wall of division

I thought I knew  the desires of my mind and flesh
deeper still, is the wound I carry
inflicted by my own weapons of righteous rebellion

thinking I knew better.
When I didnt know anything at all

******* into the wind,
my mind racing,
rabbits of confusion scattering.
Some come back,
some lost forever.
I can't remember your name
I can remember your frequency.
Stop calling me
I can't break the code.
White noise...
standing on a grassy hill,
the wind carves patterns through the ground.
It whispers sweeter than you do
but, you feel like home
and I so want to go there...

silence was a welcome relief
and the darkness seemed like a cosy blanket
stirrings of after thoughts
guilt ridden excuses had plaglued the mind
it has been disowned for a time
knowing only trouble and fast lips
and quicker hands
hot cheeks and tepid tears
feel better away from the light
scratching doohickey things on the wall for a while in the dark
seemed like the perfectly perfunctory thing to do
so it was done.

You pushed me down

So I did the deed

I got out so you couldn't see me bleed

I left you a goodbye note

Something simple i wrote

Ambiguous but cool

The egg on your face like a fool

I left nothing but vacant space

But they read between the spaces

They looked in all the places

Their shock was mandatory

Bad news travels fast

And now I am the first pick

Where once I was the last

They miss me

And I miss them

But I sure as hell won't miss you ****.

From the coals of sacred texts, brought fouth from ancient whispers of a circle of unbroken time, dipping and acendinding its change state, as the one constant in unending continuity. Therein lies a simple truth, corrupted with gentle persuasion.

The state of being, the being of state and status of beings.

There are three main laws for us to pervail and avail here and now, or in past and future possibility. There is one rule that seperates, yet, reconsiles and is master of all truth; ugly or beautiful it renders life in death, death  into life and life into death.

to live evil live to  - live.d.evil

to Evo L ovE to

The cycle that never alters its identity making Its mood known in all forms and states; the All as in the We collective; and as the I; AGAPI, the known mystery of presiding over both and the first of the third.

Go.d  and evil.

Live with the hidden truth in plain sight. Felt  with intense realness,  hidden in semantics of languages  long lost and forgotten,  but none is needed to unless seeking to corrupt the incorruptible what is known and fails in explanation.

For  this very reason,  the logic of AGAPI (love) in all its moods, colours, ugliness and beauty fail to be described. And still, the poets' pride tries in vain to capture the whole.  Ever so often though, glimpses resonate and we can see a temporal portal with the promise of the indescribable known.


Blessingss

a kiss on the breath of a heart beat,
hunts the space of time
for a flicker in the hopes
That in some small way,
I still matter...

You call offensive speech hate speech

You believe in unnatural ideas and that they are infact natural and that you have been programmed to accept unnatural behaviour

You shut down debate and free speech -

Unless it is ideas you like and resonate with.

You believe everyone else is stupid because they don't have the same view as you

You believe what your idols say without question

You dont tolerate the beliefs of others

You believe that their propaganda is harmful and a programming tool for the sheep.

You believe everyone should think like you or else!

You hate people because of their culture or belief system does not match yours

You want to rewite or erase history

You preach people with the opposite views hate you, are insane and are to be feared and overcome.

You belive you are entitled to use extreme violence, hate speech, supression and abuse because your cause is just.

I don't know how, probably never will.
The capture of understanding eludes me
there is no definable logic or reason.

I wish I could capture all the molecules invading the senses and elements of mystery that constantly reshape themselves with the answer being you to the question of love.

For these fleeting seconds, I am fully completely adamant without doubt

For every fibre of my wishing different there seems to be an antidote ready to mute any plausible argument
You don't fit me well
You complement me perfectly
You don't see it my way
You see my endless potential
You wreak of disaster,
You smell so **** good
The argument goes on
Till i suspect the day I surrender
Twisted up in a messy kaleidoscope of love
As dark as it is light
But I am a shadow of thought
A beckoning dream
Contorting into a nightmare
Curious to capture
Hard to take hold
Designing your delusion
Bringing nothing but confusion

I suspect I never will succumb
Except for those few moments
How quickly and darkly they pass
I am happy here staving off
My affections for your disaffections
While you Completely disarm my ever rearming senses
I loathe you as much as I love you
I scramble all the pieces of you only to find them in my heart
For this second any way and after the next,
Perhaps,
perhaps,
perhaps?

A sickening sign of a new world social order.

The more we disrupt it the happier we will all be.

Unfortunately, conflict is ugly.
Often too one sided in debate,
rather than seeking compromise -

Not left, not right
but smack bang whats left, right in the middle -

-Equilibrium.



Who's saying that? I AM

I was tip-toeing across the galaxy
trying not to lose my balance on any particular star.
balancing carefully, chasing the thought of you
Your trails are complex in my imagination and
I search the hazy halls of confusion.

Crossed Orions belt twice,
for imaginary luck!
My only consolation is
we are somewhere in this same universe
Though never sure which plane
I catch a glimpse of your colours...
I speed through space and time, there!
again! a glimpse near that star!
must be where you are!

I race towards that sun,
the hope dying well before I reach it
a feeling so hollow
I want my soul encased,
to feel the physicality of my pain
that I can clutch something tightly
and find some small relief
from this sub conscious form

I miss The heart flutters,
the skin tingles,
the aching ****...
My flesh long burned away
from a particularly messy passing
though welcomed,
you had gone,
and I wanted to be too.

But now?
Oh, how I ached for its responses,
for the comfort in the finite form.
This existence is one of a consciousness
willing itself into creation
The form of all born.

All the knowledge of existence
in all it's forms,
reduced here to Pathetic words
of an inept language
naive and incapable
of the divine expression of love.

In truth there is only one emotion.
The categorisation too limiting,
so gladdened to be free
of the immature understanding.
All is one and one is all,
the same as creation=existence.
But even here in this enlightened state,
The control of existence is unknown.

I hear the faint echo of the naively called 'father'
"Why do you still go against my creation?
Why will you not follow
what I have spent eternity
labouring over for you?
Must you hurt me this way?
Must I continue to watch you
burn tragedy through all existence?"

My dear Devine source,
I respond in conscious
forgetting the source hears me
You could never show me colours like my beloved.
Will you not ever just once,
allow this grand expression?
You and your tyrannous rules!?
must i prove the impossible,
that this existence is wrong!
there must be a better way!?

The source feels further
and I feel like the stars are shining less.
The good and evil in me balance, yet,
the one emotion
propels me to every corner of every star,
my birth is eminent
and I want to make a soul agreement soon.

Frantic!

I must find you!
This is beyond the realms of creation.
This is less than existence
There must be more,
I traded home for you.
Will you not come?
Will we ever prove
that within the confines of existence,
there is something new?
something meant for just me and you?

Frantic!

Manic!

My star has risen.
My Mother Earth calls.
Another eternity away from you
chained in my earthly walls.
Sub-conscious.
Conscious.
Soul panic.
The One.
Lost
amother painful
Existence...

without you.

The footsteps padded closer

Quietly picking up the tempo

A sudden  pause hung endlessly upon the air

Just as instantly my heart was thrusted from my body

A searing pain traversing every vein in my body

Insisting God didn't  exist

Where is your  God now? They bated me

"WAITING." I answered with a smile

"I forgive you."

Escaped from my lips

Unable to move

"YOUR GOD IS DEAD!"

I sunk into peaceful silence

and believed with absolute certainty

It would  be any time now...

I woke up in a white washed room

Sunllight trickling in from a sliver of exposed  window

A nurse also swathed in white entered.

That's  quite a beating you took back there

I don't know how you managed it?

Wheres the doctor? I asked.

I'm afraid you wont be seeing him any more.

Why not?

It seems something happened.

He kept screaming down the hall

GOD IS NOT DEAD!

And hasn't been back since.

What'll happen to me?

You're going home.

Home?

Yes.

Why?

We've lost our funding.

Oh?

But this was my last chance

For what?

To prove to myself that God exists!

Well I'm sorry. I'm afraid I cant help you with that.

But since your cancers are all in remission I'm sure

You'll have many more chances.

The rest was silence permeated by padded footsteps

And a sudden pause that hung endlesslly in the air.

The deepest depths have yet to be travelled in your eyes
They held a promise of a new life and unspeakable joy. You travelled the depths of the universe a million billion chances in one to be confronted by your unfolding beauty but you were inconvienent and i never got to look into your eyes and as I faded to black it was too late. Nothing could replace the aching vacancy that would never be filled in a life now unworthy of life in the eyes I did not want to see.

There's much to be said for those eyes refusing to see the obvious

It seems blindness is a choice or some chemical imbalance certifiable.

No matter how many times they tried making some meagre offering to the Gods of serendipity, they just could not move in the same circles of atmosphere.

He was of copper and she of diamonds but the rarer kind
and whilst his seasoned teal very much beautified him against his copper, his beauty did not match the incandescent spectrums emanating from her core.

Though she sparkled brighter as he passed her orbit happily catching the brilliance of the sun reflected by him;

The angle of trajectory was precarious. As they would each time, almost always slam into other passing bodies causing chaos! They were oblivious to the sentiments of the universe.

It was one of those things that everyone else could see,
but they very much couldn’t.

I’ve looked and I've tried,
but I've still, never seen a copper diamond ring.

I couldn't ever think why?

Lock up your men, and your sons
the war has begun
the truth will not be overwritten

the dark ages have returned
the freedom has been lost
big mother ate big brother
now the Father has come

the pitch forks are ready
the torch is lit
the light overpowers
the truth is out there

freedom
free will
free thought
choices
in a world gone to the lost  
irresponsible altruism
the sense and census skewed

The love will return
the Law will have mercy
your daughters will be spared
your mother will step back in her place beside the father
and with all
We shall learn,
the true meaning of grace
the three virtues
of light
that too many mistake
as the guide to freedom
and liberation
Only to be handed
to the devil
on a plate.

Do not judge others because they sin differently than you.
Be beauteous of heart
be fair of grace
be wise of life
be fruitful
be kind
be industrious
idle hands make for folly
and the downfallen
will cast the steps
to righteousness
one fallen angel at a time.

just remember I love you
no matter what you think I think
you don’t have to agree
you just have to accept
that I love you
you are perfect
beautiful
and I love you
you were wonderfully and fearfully made
to be tested and be strengthened
in my love regardless
of your successes or failures
nothing will make me abandon you
please don’t abandon me.
love and blessings,
always.

Midnight worlds swirled with moolight beams.

Delicate dainty love inscriptions would tumble to the page, aligned in perfection at whim.

But the darkness rising has hooked my soul.

Lillies, butterflies and daffodils died, still hanging off a demonic cloud.

Such was the darkness, I knew i had no other thing to do, but to espouse it all up like spew. A sickly offering of vileness and envy

I struck the worlds of beauty from my head and pulled out the ones nailed to my heart

I still bleed love darker than the darkest dark, I ****** with your mind and tore out your heart

I put it on display for all,  the winning-est ****!

Never thinking at all that my pen was sharper than your knife
And that ******* with pens trump *****.

I wish I was sorry.

Maybe i could forgive or forget and move on

Maybe then the words would come

You stole my pretty words along with the beautiful ones
The stories of my heart all gone,
stuck on a barren rock alone in space and time.

The rest i killed  each with an end stroke - coup de gras.

Now I don't care if it ever revives, because I'm fine just being some ******* with a pen

And I never wrote it for you anyway, not now, not then.

I only ever wrote for myself.

You call offensive speech hate speech

You believe in unnatural ideas and that they are infact natural and that you have been programmed to accept unnatural behaviour

You shut down debate and free speech -

Unless it is ideas you like and resonate with.

You believe everyone else is stupid because they don't have the same view as you

You believe what your idols say without question

You dont tolerate the beliefs of others

You believe that their propaganda is harmful and a programming tool for the sheep.


You believe everyone should think like you or else!

You hate people because of their culture or belief system does not match yours

You want to rewite or erase history

You preach people with the opposite views hate you, are insane and are to be feared and overcome.

You belive you are entitled to use extreme violence, hate speech, supression and abuse because your cause is just.

Inspiration has run dry
the day closes gray
The morning a darker shade
questions hang above unanswered
The night sky lost its glitter
fruit of the spirit turned bitter
Lines drift into oblivion
poetry is a ****

She recognized him by touch and heat
a sudden rise and wince,
a memory bitter sweet
When he played his beat upon her heart
her soul fell into pieces at her feet
called from her depths
pain washed through her as she wept
rising under feminine heat
the ghost of love remained
torture in vain, nothing to gain
the pieces of her soul fell to his beat
like the tapping of the sweet rain
only memories remain

Falling like stars

The pitterpattern of a melting heart

Warming and filling to bursting!

Unstoppable radiance

Unfathomable joy

Casting loving designs and new paths

On once dark velvet

The light show ends

But the embers

burn through the fabric of being

Tearing holes in the hopelessness

Pain of release

Fingers of light reach through

See?

God is Love,

I told you!

What do say when no words can offer comfort?
What do you feel when theres no empathy that could possibly resonate.
What can you do when words freeze at the edges of your lips and dont dare come out because it doesnt begin to cover gape left open.
Might as well plunge to the depths of the abyss.
What can you do?
You hug.

Piercing molten holes through garded hearts

The causality of your fancies rip through innocence with effortless charm.

Another pair of ******* drop to the floor

Another set of mounds

aching pinnacles begging

for the breath of a touch.

Sharp eyes survey endless pain,

but you don't want to heal

You want your name screamed in vain.

I'm good now and I'll be ******

If I let you in again

The flicker was enough

I know  you saw it

Walking on by as if it didn't mean a thing

And each time I ******* over

I know you'll hope I'll  steal away to cry

******* and those graceless eyes,

You played games

You told lies

You crush beauty

Like flies

Didn't we almost have it all?

Shouldn't of asked to see my love in measures of pain.

You played my crazy for sane

You shouldn't have said you loved me

When all I wanted was a ****,

I die again and again in those eyes

Each time in vain.

Grassy knolls crunch gently under foot
Winding wind sweeps around folding me in
Soft sunlight dips through the clouds
And through the lightly blustering playfulness i hear your name carried
Sea air slips open long shallow held lungs
Release on the bounty of home
Eyes devour the horizon longingly
News had come days ago
Life had begun to stir inside
But the sun sank in the same beat of a longing heart
The north star twinkled hope
A quiet prayer lept on the wind
Another faint trace of sound
Whats in a name when it has no form?
Another prayer slips out to search the sea
The sun pulls the sky as purple draws over,  
Dragging with it a blanket of velveteen,
glittered with stars
twinkling beacons of light dancing to the song of hope
Waiting for the moon to make her grand entrance
Maybe on the faintly illuminated horizon
Love may finally appear amongst the stars.

Another meaningless title

Another stab in  the dark

Grabbing for whispers of love

Smoke in the dark

Slipping through my fingers

Easy to see

Intangible

Hard to capture in Word

The usual description won't fit

Comfortable madness

I'm bareft at the thought of thoughts with out it

stranger to say I'm happy with even the least of

The best of it

Could I even hope to capture

Just one look

One millisecond of recognition

In the eyes I'm too afraid to look in

I swear I know you so well

If only vacant eyes could see the power

Of what could be, yet couldn't fathom

The despair if what was made, was not...