i am so small,
devoured by
my depression

if i were a flower,
i'd be shrivelled,
on the brink
of being nothing
but soil and dirt

and one day,
i met a boy
who promised
to water me

i promised him
that if he did,
i would grow
and he watered me
day after day,
showered me
abundantly

everyday,
i'd tell him
that i am better,
i have grown 
taller

but he'd grab
my wrist,
measure me
with the ruler
i've created
on my arm

and see that
i've remained
small and 
have gotten
even smaller

he cried and
showered me
with the love in
his salt tears

he cried to me
telling me that
he feared the day
that i would shrink
into nothing,
into death

he watered me
more than before
and his water
was too much

i was flooded,
drowning in
the water
that was supposed
to give me life

on your first date you learn she takes her coffee
cooler than the starless sky
and by the end of the night you learn
she likes her showers hotter than the seventh sun
stepping out from the tub with her skin scrubbed
a scarlet hue that demands to be kissed until
dusk turns to dawn before your sleepless eyes

you wonder why she sweeps her hair to the side
after she says goodbye in the morning
why she seems so ******* guarded
all of the time
but you never ask
because you are afraid she may answer

she says she's never been in an accident
and you incorrectly assume
she is referring to a car
you swear up and down that she ought to be by now
because of the fashion in which she drives
like a madman
she says she doesn't believe in speed limits
or limits of any kind for that matter
she likes to get to where she's going and
she likes to get there fast
she's the kind of girl who doesn't believe in
taking things slow
maybe because she doesn't know how
or maybe because she doesn't want to know

she told me she loved me three weeks
before we got together by means of
mediocre poetry and a smile that
at the time
I couldn't quite understand

she says she's never been in an accident
and you incorrectly assume
she isn't referring to
all of the time
she spent
away
from
you

It was a long long ride
To Carrollton, Georgia
From Bad Hersfeld, Germany
Where I started from
Does she smile the same smile
I fell in love with
There's  been longer spaces
Between our communiques
Before leaving Bremerhaven
And making that ten day ocean trip
I still missed the warm closeness
Until the last phone call
She told me  she wanted one more fling
One more so she could squeeze
The last sweet drop from college life
Before we went on the marriage tour
Where she longed to make
All we could of another day
Ringing out our church bells    
But I felt a little cheated
For her to have a relationship
And me to feel the anguish
To always  wonder why
She couldn't hold on
Just one more whisk of time
Still it's so poetic in its justice
That she'll see no one here
To say goodbye to

Pure as angels wings
Flutter slowly as breeze
Bitter sweet cacophonies

Finally happy as you leave
Shivers, tingles, part of me
Let you go, living free

Only in darkness one will see
How nothing is as it is presumed to be
To see the serpents underneath
Or the whispers that hang from ear to ear

Only in darkness one will see
What is truly meant to be
To be made prisoner in faith's arms
Or to take destiny by surprise
Breaking through the story's very seams

Only in darkness one will see
The consequences of kindness as pure as can be
Those who lurk in the shadows and prey, always to see the rise of day

Only in darkness one will see
The value of intelligence as the key
To escape maliciousness at it's core
And to prosper all the more

if you have no one to write about
then how could you write about something
if you've never been in love
then how could you write about loving
has it ever been mutual?
if you have nothing to cry about
then how could you smile for something
cause after the rain comes the sun
but it's not shining or warming
what does this do to you?
I thought the wonders were beautiful
until I wander to you wonder if you even think that you're beautiful
these poems are nothing to you
but I keep on writing cause it's the only way to get through to you
I think I'm starting to hate writing poetry
I'm just sick of this poetr--
if you have someone to write about
you will always find them in something
if you have someone to dream about
maybe you'll dream of the wonders
has the view ever been so beautiful?
if you cry with tears of joy
will you smile with your heart too
cause when the sun isn't present
can stars and the moon make you beautiful
look inside and see star of the north
I've been guided straight to you
The nights I spend alone and I cannot find you, the sky is too polluted
The last time I saw you I wandered to a wonder and was amazed by the view
now I just wonder if you ever wander making it harder to find you
I hope that I'll find you