I am sick.
But not in the way that you think.
I do not have measles or mumps,
nor cough or flu.
I do not have stomach pains nor food poisoning,
don't have a headache making me feel blue.

I am plagued with humanity.

Tonight there is no moon
and the purple skyline
bleeds the color of my skin.
There is no wind.
There is no time.
There is no sin.
There is no moon.
Only those aching shades of blue,
and the ruptured veins within.

It eats me alive
Ripping through like a twister
Unpredictable
I never know when it will hit and when it will die

I think it's a lie
I'd rather feel numb than pain
The coward's honor may not be to desire
Then again the grass is always greener

The source seems unreachable
The hypersensitivity gets so unbearable
Breathing alone is a chore
I am no longer human

Then the sun comes back out
Suddenly I can see
It feels so great until I wonder
How long do I get to be me?

these scars i've gained
in battles fought

they eat me from
the outside-in

but there are those
from lovers all

that eat me from
the inside-out

but if these scars
are all i'll have

and remember
from our love

then so be it

Her deep brown eyes were now achromic

I craved her love but she was bent on straight needles. Constantly needing reminders that she's still human and can feel, still putting up barriers between her and her evils. Seeing the man up on the steeple she knows her attempts are feeble

Constantly misguided by the Christian belief that acceptance was key to the question of "am I worth it"

We use to talk but now you're aphasic

She was in a dreamland where voices were something to be tasted she was so anesthetized from these pills that were prescribed to help her dream but nothing could be prescribed to help her wake

It was like seeing the sun go away but not being replaced by the moon

I was just hoping it was a phase that would pass and she would return without a trace of the past but this hope was as empty as these bottles
These feeling so corrupted
These words so unheard

Like a wolf howling only to be answered by a vacant night

And it doesn't matter how much I beg and fight
She tightens her grip on her defenses like the band on her arm
But still leaving her defenseless to her emotions

That might as well be where she is 6 feet under a pile of broken dreams and wondering beams of support that holds up her house of sanity with a vanity of broken images of who she hates the most.

She's caught between a lake of fire and limbo, on a tipping scale one once from destruction

I know I can't bring the sun back but maybe I can find a new light in this darkness.

Because she was something I always wanted more of

I twitch when I wasn't around her
I would get the shakes from just one kiss
I would get drunk off her smile and high off her words
We both overdosed on something
Because this love .... was never labeled a drug.

Dancing swans and
painted angel wings.
Melodies coming from
a distant memory.
Dripping ink and bleeding
pages. Unicorns prints
found in the season of
breeding all over hills
with melted snow.
Colours fading from
the walls. And i am left
alone again reading behind
my bedroom door on
the porcelain floor* ~