and isn't it funny how
i spent each second of last night
listening to that **** clock tick
from 3am til 7
but the second i was in your arms
sleeping was almost as easy
as breathing

My Lord
the most High
I am far unworthy
and yet you clothe me
and bathe me
and nurture me like an orphan
back to life
Although I have never denied You
I have sinned against You
One too many times
and yet You forgive me
every
single
time

Father God I do not come to ask You of anything, just to say
thank You.
I thank You for healing me.
I thank You for walking with me.
I thank You for carrying me when I could not stand,
and I thank You for being the very breath of life that you exhale into my soul when I no longer have the will in me to live for myself.
I thank You for every struggle and for every hardship,
for my struggles are incomprehensible to that of the Son of God.

To think, the being of one man, the sole purpose of this one man, was to live only to die at the hands of those who did not believe,
only to rise again and provide salvation, truth, and life to those of us who do.
What darkness will become of me if I leave
the demons behind to fall to my knees and worship the most High.

The devil is a lie.

And it has been proven over again and yet we still battle within ourselves,
we battle with the churches,
and the world,
and the most High Himself.
If we know the truth,
the way,
and the answer,
Why do we continue to question our being,
and more importantly God's plan?

The devil is a wolf in sheepskin
beware of his doings.
But know that Jesus was also tempted,
and tested,
and he questioned,
just like me
and just like you.

Like a the thief in the night stealing my strength to say no
and enhancing my ability to say yes
I cannot resist
And in the end I'm caught in a pool of regret
swimming in a sea of what shouldn't be
feeling euphoric bliss
To continue on into the moment as if rules hadn't been broken
I walk in silence wearing the crown of shame, looking to place the blame
Because I gave in to the simplistic demons that I could not resist

Today marks a year since the world I knew changed.
Today marks a year since I trusted you last.
Today marks a year since I felt like a whole person.

I wish I could say a lot has chagned since a year ago, today. But I can only say that I'm alone more often. I can only say I still have dreams at night about you, about us. I can only really say that this year has been the worst without you by my side.

Today marks a year since you grabbed all your stuff.
Today marks a year since you walked out of that door.
Today marks a year since I ran after you saying "I always come back."

Today marks a year since you walked out of that door.
                                    since you walked out of my life.
And.
Today marks another year that you won't wish me a happy birthday.
So, happy birthday to me..

Attention class:
There's been a shift in our syllabus
There are some questions on my mind that warrant a new lessonplan: Does true love exist?
I will admit lately I've hypothesized that it's merely just a myth
Some wishful thinking from romantic half-wit heretics
So I'm assigning a soul mate science test
A pop quiz prophecy that could bind two of us together forever
Proving true love is suited for scientific vindication
If you respond to each question honestly
One trusty staple is capable of uniting this loose leaf love
Depending on your lead-based expressions
And their smudge-marked impressions
So please put your notebooks down
And pick your pencils up
Let's begin:

1. Is the beauty you possess easily represented in the thoughts you express?
Provide an ample sample size of your logic to suggest your loveliness works wonders.
2. Given that the fastest manned aircraft reached 4500 mph
If you spiraled down from the heavens at 9.8 m/s²
How long would it take for you to shatter record speed
And recognize that my arms are open to being your landing pad?
3. If your failures colored red and successes tinted blue
Became marbles piled high in mason jars
Would you let me embrace your entirety in the most worthy shade of purple?
4. Skin, rarely remembered, is the human body's largest *****.
Without caution, show me that your brain and heart
Are eager to become the king and queen of your anatomy.
That your organic vastness can infiltrate others' flesh majestically.
5. Think carefully. Who was the last man you kissed?
Are his lips worth enough for you to dismiss
A potential chance at creating unending bliss?
6. True or False: You would lie to me to spare a hurtful truth.
Provide evidence that you are comfortable revealing the undisputed details of your personal journal
Unraveling the spools of your most mysterious fibers.
7. Disprove Heartbreak Theory.
Show your work with mild-mannered mannerisms and sentimental illustrations.
Use crayons or colored pencils to emphasize your best intentions.
8. Chemistry is the study of the properties of matter.  
Using the periodic table of elementary emotions
Describe what matters most to you.
Remember to cite your sources of inspiration.
The inner workings of your engine that fuel your fondest explorations.
9. Fill in the blank spaces between my fingertips with your tenderness.
Is it a perfect fit?
If not, describe the characteristics possibly prohibiting this grip.
10. Cells are the smallest units of life.
Draw a diagram dissecting the little pieces of you
That belong in my possession at all times.
Include both strengths and vices.
Exhibit a sense of self-awareness that I can mimic
When I'm stuck inside my quicksand mind.

And one final reminder:
Remember to print your name legibly on the front page.
Failure to do so will result in catastrophe.
An unidentified masterpiece resulting in agony for you and I.
Practically reversing the critical proofs that your pen just described.
So let my eyes scan your signature with methodical joy.
And the curves of your cursive ink lines can become my mind's strongest ally.
Let me know you're willing to be known.
Because I need to know you're alive.