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  Nov 2017 Céline
Savannah Charlish
Every time a man is kind to me
In a way that you failed to be
I feel the burning from beneath the scars
As they unknowingly run their hands over places that your finger prints branded themselves onto me

Every time a man goes out of his way to show even the slightest affection
I spiral into confusion of not   knowing if I should believe anything you said
Because even though you told me you loved me all the time
You never made an effort to show me you loved me
You never randomly called or wrote me letters or called me beautiful out of nowhere
You would just say I love you like a recording always ready to be played when the timing was right



Every time a man treats me the way you always told me I should be treated
Even though you failed to treat me that way
I cannot appreciate their kindness but am left with the aching question:
Why wasn't I enough for you?
Céline Sep 2014
There was only ever
     could be's
     would be's
     should be's
but there were never any
          is's
          was's
          are's

There is nothing here except the thoughts of everything that isn't here.

Never take away the only thing I've been looking forward to
because that is all I have.
The present right now is not what I want it to be.
The past only keeps coming back when I need to forget it.
But my future is the only thing that keeps me from being a
                                                                                                  void
                                                                                                  empty
                                                                                                  space

There is nothing here to keep my attention so it just keeps going back farther and farther and farther..

**Things always come back when you're trying to forget them.
Céline Sep 2014
There was only ever
         could be's
         would be's
         should be's
but there was never any
                       is's
                       was's
                       are's

There is nothing here expect thoughts of everything that isn't here.
Céline Apr 2014
Today marks a year since the world I knew changed.
Today marks a year since I trusted you last.
Today marks a year since I felt like a whole person.

I wish I could say a lot has chagned since a year ago, today. But I can only say that I'm alone more often. I can only say I still have dreams at night about you, about us. I can only really say that this year has been the worst without you by my side.

Today marks a year since you grabbed all your stuff.
Today marks a year since you walked out of that door.
Today marks a year since I ran after you saying "I always come back."

Today marks a year since you walked out of that door.
                                    since you walked out of my life.
And.
Today marks another year that you won't wish me a happy birthday.
So, happy birthday to me..
This is the last poem that I'll be writing about this person.
My birthday is April 10th.
These events happened on my 16th birthday..April 14th, 2013.

And you ask why I hate birthdays?
Céline Apr 2014
So  afraid  because I  love  you
So afraid  because  I've made myself  so  vulnerable
So afraid  because you are holding my heart in your hands

if  you drop it, I die.
Céline Mar 2014
when you can actually feel the pain in your chest from seeing or hearing something that breaks your heart.
when you feel that pain rushing down to your stomach, making you *****, ***** out the broken peices..
when you've purged yourself of all feeling, and you feel your body slowly start to become numb.
Why
Céline Mar 2014
I  compare everyone to you
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