I've got a lot in my head.
a lot of you, maybe.
i'm trying hard
not to fall too hard for you.
we've been this way before.
oh, i'm sure you know--
your eyes need validation.
this desolation that I get
from looking at you
looking at someone else
is terribly inconsistent.
you said, "i'd love for us to spend a night together."
oh, darling, if only you knew.

You're on your way home
and i've always wanted
to take you.
I know I'm not
your type of guy
but this is my type of disaster
so, i hope you kind of want to take me, too.
take me to hell, maybe
'cause that line sounds preposterous
and pretentious
at the exact same time--
but not really.
it all comes down to, "do you believe in it?"
and i believe in you,
and in love,
and in coincidence
and in the idea of chasing you
'cause that's all i can ever hope for.
you're all i can ever hope for.

I've got a lot in my head.
a lot of you, maybe.
honestly, i have fallen.
yes, too hard, for you.
and love found me too soon.
i hope it didn't yet
'cause right now
i'm half fixed, half broken
and always out of tune.
like the moon, you'll always find
your way back
and that scares me
'cause i'm not the one you'll go back to.
i'm not even the one
you took a chance with.
i'm not anyone.

I'm on my ****** way home.
and i begin to daydream
on how we'll spend that night together
if it ever comes in touch with reality.
and if it will ever make a difference,
i'll just put this out here
so you'll know:
i love you.
that's right, darling,
i'm starting to.

**** these tiny butterflies,
that rest in my stomach,
and expand in my chest...

like little paper knives,
i choke.  

and
ill block my lungs one day,
and ***** them up,
coughing out each wing
and eyeball and
tooth
.
.
.

even if theyve got my tongue twisted,
and my brain scattered,

like paint,
it is venom to my
squeezing, breathing heart
and
one day
ill rip out my
intestines
just to see them
gone.

Truth is you
weren't blameless
I saw your eyes
flash red that night
the fire in your palms
wouldn't burn out.

Together we were
a suicide pact,
there was something
about the drug in
each others eyes
that made us want
to overdose.

We itched like
razor blades
on each others skin,
our tongues a noose,
heartbeats fast,
furious.

My hands bled love
my knuckles
bruised like skies
I puked up every word
until I could finally
say goodbye.

Sunday morning,
the air froze, the dahlias
once bloomed angry,
now they shiver and sigh.

Autumn breeze, faint but still,
the padded ghost-steps
of your laugh, running wild,
like vintage photographs;
scattered Polaroids of
my memory - a smile here,
a grimace there.

How the heat of
emotions buries itself
in the clothes of yesterday,
How difficult it is to
fetch from the seams.
The needles only *****
at a faint feeling.

I wonder; do you forget me
as winter forgets the living?

Because once an old man
told me I had sad eyes

Sunsets melt to chalky lines,
like cigarette stubs, they died
when you met her.

These days only my fingers
remember summer,
I touch the hearts of others
to warm them too.

My voice wind chimes,
the eulogy of the storm,
when I breath your
name I shudder...

And listen-
because I am in
the echoes
of her, of us.

I see the stars, I soar the skies
I keep my heart in my chest
I'm telling all sorts of lies
Because my heart isn't in my chest