I've always wondered
What could have happened if I stayed?
Sometimes I imagine
That maybe the life I always wanted
Was a life where I'd always be snuggled in your embrace
I wonder what could have happened if I turned around
If I'd made that one last glance back at you
Before fully walking out of the life we had
In every hour, in every second of everyday
I'd vividly visualize what emotion your face would've given me
And each time I do, all the feelings come back
I feel your warmth like a fire long extinguished
And I freeze to the brink of death
Frozen, but not enough to die
Certainly not enough to live
And so,
Cruelly, to satisfy myself
I decided to accept your invitation to come over
I knocked on your door again
Thrice, like I always had
The sound my peaceful fist made knocking on your door
Made me think about all the times I heard you do the same on mine
It made me think how much I wanted to rush to the door, open it and smell your scent
It made me think about how much I want to see you
But then a stranger all dressed in white opened your door
He saw my sleepless eyes
And smiled at me
Like he knew who I was
And it made me think how much I regretted leaving
And painfully regretted coming back

And I said
     So?
     Who cares if she's better
          you told me I'm the best
           and that's good enough for me
     Who cares if it isn't fair?
          you told me I was still the winner
          and that made it all the more worthwhile
     Who cares if I'm silly and even downright insane
          you'll love me anyway, right?
     Who the heck cares if I ***** up,
          tumble and fall
          or just come crumbling down

I was built and loved
      enough to stand up on my knees using my own two hands
      eventually, I'll be on my feet
      ready to fight again
And you know what?
    **I'm **** proud of that