I want you to think of me as a canvas
I want you to paint me
     with every single technique you know of
I want you to make me feel every stroke
And I want you to make me beg for more.

instead of saying
do
instead of judging
help
instead of worrying
be
instead of hating
love
instead of hurting
heal
instead of taking
give
instead of crawling
FLY

i never believed in magic
not even when i was six.
they say that
those who don't believe in magic
will never find it.
until i met you,
and i guess
i have found magic

*b.a

Hollowed eyes straining
Typing mindlessly into the white screen
Letters,
a line
a curve
a sound
Letters treated like saliva in our mouths
A never-ending supply that you can eternally spit out
Spit on faces
on egos
on personalities
& into souls
The blank looks on our faces
Displaying vulnerability with words
Love letters, suicide notes, all the same
Just a mix and match of only 26
Shuffled to create a medley of messages
Enough to capture a heart
to water the eyes
to transform a character
You read back and realize…
Your words were nothing
They were merely a reflection of our shallow generation
The youth that speaks only of narcissism and flaws
The 26 letters wasted for the title of “popular”
wasted for the action of “fitting in”
wasted for the heart of the “love of your life”
26 is a huge number
Love is a huge word
Master this analogy and you can bloom in the world
People fear to not be accepted
My fear is my inability to put together a combination of 26 letters
One that has the ability to encompass the infinite possibilities
I fear to absorb this world’s dislocation of priorities
15 years with the same 26 letters
My words; altered
My mind; modified
And my mouth finally says:
I
want
to
*inspire

They said high school was a home of learning
Oh I learned alright
They said it would construct my future
All it did was destroy me with the past
They said it would be safe
They have no defense over the demons
They said it would develop me as a person
But I remain who I was... only shattered

They said so many things, yet understood so little

This goes to the pillow-clutchers
to the broken who carry soaked and salty handkerchiefs
to the flesh that thrive for streaks of red dripping out
to the souls that are constantly bombarded by screeches of lies
Lies that overrun every beauty in and out
Lies that lead to masochistic actions
Waiting for the second heartbeat after every punch
Hoping this would free the monsters trapped within
This goes to the insecure
No, we are not emo
How can one contain our being in just three letters?
We are not superficial pain lovers
We are violated, dispirited, downhearted, beaten, unsettled, splintered, forgotten
But we will never be merely emo

A high school is not filled with students
It is filled with labels, rumors, divisions and fake personas
filled with eyes that look straight into your soul
filled with whispers that spread like a virus
Getting worse and worse after every ear it has jumped into
Savages looking for the flaw that can destroy you
Until you break and mindlessly follow their example

High school is where you lose who you are
And be who everyone else wants you to be

Everyone thought I was just being vain
Always staring at the mirror, trying to be cute
Never did it come into their minds that I was already believing the lies
ready to accept the rumors
using FINE as my own maxim
**** I'm Never Enough
But I waited
Waited for someone to drive out the beasts
to heal my scars
to fill my emptiness
Yet until now I remain drenched in loneliness and fear

High school is worse than hell
A quick and small crack in your soul hurts more
Than an eternal burn of your flesh
This is why we're ready to see the light come out of our eyes
But I'm holding on
For you need pain before you're declared strong
For you need darkness before you see the stars
For you need death before you reach heaven
For where there are angels,
*there will always be demons