If you could
be anything or
anyone
in the world-
Why wouldn't you be
you?

I hope I die in summer

on a humid night
when the grass is yawning and stretching out
toward the moon,

and the frogs are croaking on
like a chorus of metronomes
as the last curls of life wisp away from my body,

a final reminder
that things and time
will continue beautifully,

harmoniously,

without me.

What gives them the right to say
everything will be okay?
When in fact,
years and years have passed
with my emotions masked.
I struggle through each day
without the strength to say,
I hate the useless fights.
I cry myself to sleep each night.

I've mastered the art of silent tears.
Each night. Each month. Each year.
My family tries to understand my emotions,
claims they've been in this same motion
but, oh, how could they have been?

I watch from the outside,
continuously struggling to get inside.
I watch the family of four,
though only from the door.
And ask myself,
Where am I in this mix?
It's simple. I merely don't exist.

But it didn't start off this way. No.
When exactly did I go?
My soul is trampled on.
My heart seams simply gone.

I watch as my siblings change,
growing each and every day,
and here I am staying precisely the same.

They say I'm afraid to develop.
When in fact, I've simply given up.
They say each day is a token.
Then why does it just leave me broken?
When I try to explain,
they say don't complain.
But they just don't see,
It's not my surroundings that make me unhappy.
It's simply what's inside of me.
Which happens to be nothing.

So now I will ask,
When will this pass?
Another day. Another month. Another year.
How long must I continue with these silent tears?

I say your name
and my heart becomes
a little kid
pulling me towards the
candy aisle with both hands
ignoring my protests
of no time
no money
and it’s been too long
since I last saw a dentist
so who knows if my teeth
could handle your sweetness

I say your name
and we’re just two
kids in love again
stopping in the middle
of an empty street
to kiss open mouthed
like you are an oxygen tank
and I’m at the bottom
of the deepest ocean

I say your name
and I’m looking at
engagement rings
while calculating costs
and telling the clerk
behind the counter
that I plan to marry you

I say your name
and it is like water
after a hundred year drought
sweet and light
on my tongue

I say your name
I say your name
I say your name
and it’s like coming home