To love you
In secret
burns through me.

I can not hear the birds
Singing to me.
Your song echos

Touch me
I want to be devoured by you

From within, I cry out to you
but my surroundings paralyze us

We cannot say it.
Like salt statues of lovers
I freeze when I turn to you

Why, then, do you wait for me?

I am stone, I am still, I will never catch up.

What world do you speak of
That fetishizes the mother
And turns it’s back on the infant
Pursing
Suckling
Like a bee on a Carmellia in
July

What is inside of me that hasn’t
Already been emptied?
Do you every wonder,
Why, we mothers
Bake our children cookies
Only to wrap our heads in cloth?

And our husbands,
God rest their souls,
Will burn down the walls
To put out the fire

California sun kissed your cheeks
California sun held you in her arms,
Wrapped her hands around your neck
Like the rope you hid in your closet

I miss you.

Do you remember picking flowers
In our backyard

Making homes for bugs
Thinking we were keeping them safe
Locking them away

Do you think our parents
Thought they were keeping us safe too?

How many more times
Did I need to tell you
That I love you and couldn't live
Without you
For you to have stayed

Missouri rain cradled you in her arms
Kissed your track marks and told you
There was nothing wrong
Missouri sky's picked the needles out of
Your arms
Like I used to pick the splinters from
Your fingertips

I miss you.

T

I didn't think you'd grow up
to be so beautiful
and so sad
I wonder if you'll
die before me
your hair is so orange
And your eyes green
and your entire body
kissed with freckles
and your veins pierced
with needles
and your body poisoned
With decay
i am sorry
I wasn't there
to
tell you
to
stop

My mothers perfume is sweet
but not like candy or fruit
my mothers perfume is champagne when she exhales
and wet concrete when she sobs in the dark
my mothers perfume is laughter written on
her face with $40 eyeliner
that does not smudge when she cries
my mothers perfume is her hair in my face
when i fall asleep next to her on the couch
my mothers perfume is not a smell
but a feeling in my chest when I hug her