This desk is my island,
This pen; my sailboat,
My mind is the captain,
Exploring the world,

But,
I can never get far enough,
To know myself,
There’s too many miles,

Words can’t cover them all,

I barely know who I am,
Or even what I want,
Or if what I do; will mean a thing.

Though at times,
I am alone,
Others; I am not

I am my own worst enemy,

And my own best friend,

I could sail forever on this pen,
To a sea; misshapen and insecure,
To try and be sure,
Of an answer which may not,
Even be there.

But of this; I swear,

Whatever ship carries me,
To wherever you may be,
Whatever treasures,
I have to bare,
However adorned,
With all my scars and tears:

It’s all for you,
I reveal my insides,
I sift through the oceans,
And clear the skies,
I sail for you; my dear,
Until my last pen dies.

I lay down on my warm bed
In the wee early hours of night
Where my thoughts will fly
Towards the rebirth of natural light

I fidget as I wonder
And ponder, What, How, and Why
But truly it's no matter
For I never wanted Goodbye.

To the good times even the bad,
all memorable and cherish-able,
Such little time I selfishly carved from
The infinite levels of my past timetable

Such foolery was the past
A huge emphasis on was
Living in the now
Fighting for a cause

Nothing quite big
Not really impacting
But I missed it, this.
I missed this Befriending.

The Questions beg to differ,
Really it's my biggest regret
What I have done is nuclear
And recovery is a long way yet.

I ******* up and run after
Change. Understandably so,
if circumstances won't permit
I understand that life will go.

I wish to bandwagon
but seems like there's no space
Too late, I waited forever
Alas I am in haste.

Curious to where it goes,
plenty of forks down that road.
From oceans and seas, to forests and mountains,
I'll still go on, whether I carry a heavy load.

Mesmerised, I look into your eyes,
a cold wind, as we begin
Our journey, t'ward Eternity.
My hand waiting for yours,
the stars, they soar.
We are floating above Mountains,
drinking from Fountains,
sipping from the elixir of life.

My eyes open,
the token of your love, in my left hand, a Ring.
The future it promised to bring.

Once more I am alone,
i no longer own, this moment.

The leaves they dance, as our romance,
leaves behind Morsels.
A shell remains,
engulfed in flames,
a furnace of Self Blame,
i take the plunge.
And i walk, i eat
our Memories, Plans
your Final Goodbye
your Wants, Demands.
The marching band drums
beat in time with my Tortured soul,
we were Supposed to grow old.
I pick up the fork and force down Guilt,
upon the foundations we built,
cemented together by loves haze.

Worlds at a time, I combine,
Mine and Yours,
Unopened doors.

The house we never furnished,
the walk we never took,
the book that was never written,
Our story unfinished,
Your life Diminished.

I sit, take a sip of my tea,
it doesn't taste the same.
The razors don't take away the pain,
of hearing Your Name.

My moral compass has gone askew
In truth I flung it away
Like caution to the wind

Here I'm ready for adventures
Take me on a sensory journey
Guide me on a trail of wonder

Lift me up to flights of fancy
Roll with me in meadows
Skinny dip in azure seas

Lets cross unchartered waters
Taste new exotic foods
Sip from my overflowing cup

And we'll set up camp
and explore the undulating
peaks and valleys
of our own landscapes ;-)

Whispers
     in alabaster ears
words unforgiving, unforgiven
      year after year after year.     
Whispered secret secrets.

      Laurel leaved lies of liars
traitorously spilling wine while
      tear after tear after tear
shed and shredded truth
      cut sharp with guile.

      Cloaked smiles kissing
hands of befriended strangers
      in strange lands lighting fires;
fire after fire after fire
       burning hatred blind to danger.
     
 Sentried angry glowers guarding towers
      o'er ever changing landscapes of desire
 hour after hour after hour.
      Come little child, take to your lips
a bitter taste of this our power.

r ~ 4/24/14