Seven Sins
Our body knows from within,
Was it... what was left of my lipstick stain?
From the lust and passion that burns in our soul's remain.
Or the constant thought of someone else, whose *** is that of the same,
My husband will **** you, 'cause you're the blame,
Being with a beautiful woman behind his back, and I
don't even know her name,
Why does it feel so good to be bad and have no shame?
Is it a test or just a friendly game?
I'm sorry to cause anyone pain.
I can't stop seeing this girl with no name.
Soon she captured all of my time,
Wasted days on lustful nights,
Without remorse or regret,
It seems my family at home I'd soon forget.
I started noticing her quiet sin,
When she invited others to join in,
I didn't want to do it, but she said it'll be okay it'll never happen again.
But it did, a different guy every time.
What am I doing, I'm losing my mind,
I look in the mirror, my eyes hollow and dark, my skin is pale and pink,
No wonder.. she was pouring powder from a capsule into my drink,
What is going on, I feel so clouded and can barely think

I felt encaptured in a mental place from where I couldn't escape,
I was willing, so they can't call it ****,
If I'm supposed to learn from this, then it's too late,
I need to lay down, this sickness I can't take,
Stumble to the bed where i just want to sleep,
Something's making me really weak,
My husband found me, banged on the door til it broke,
The place stunk of *****, and clouded smoke,
He brought his gun and yelled "what did you do to my wife"
Lay in his arms as he carried me with limp and lifeless legs,
With a cigarette in her hand, points to me and says...
"You should have read the rules before you played,
Now you're going to die with AIDS,"
My husband stopped, looked at her and said,
"No one's going to miss you when you're dead,"
Put his finger on the trigger and shot her in the head.

Now my kids live without a mom, and my husband without a wife,
Seven sins couldn't keep me alive'
I couldn't go back, not even if I tried,
Started with meaningless *** and stupid lies,
To lust and *** with multiple guys,
Unfaithful deceit, to
Abandonment and defeat,
from illusion of **** to drugs and drink.
Life is more important than we think,
Before thinking your husband doesn't give you enough love,
I hope you read The Seven Sins I just listed above...

You don't own me, So you cant tell me what to do"
then he said...
"Little girl...your endless chatter, I'll show you who you have to listen to"
How just a few little words could make a person so mad,
How he could hurt a young girl so bad.
Came to me with this anger in his eyes,
I wasn't scared at first, until I noticed behind my back my arms were tied,
What should I do now? Maybe I should scream,
Maybe I'm sleeping and this is just a dream,
panic sets in, and my heart's beating fast,
Anxiety trembles my souls quivering moments last,

Sounds of the shots fired captured the echo,
He wasn't done, he wasn't going to letgo,
He must have been tired of my mouths chatter,
But then again does it really matter?
I think he wants me dead,
'Cause of all the bad things that i said,

Maybe he can't take it, maybe he is weak,
He should know, God gave me a voice to speak
He cant handle someone who stands up for herself at only 13,
I just hate that my mom doesn't know,
When she's gone, her boyfriend makes me take off my clothes,

The endless chatter plays over and over again in his head,
'You don't own me, You can't tell me what to do" that's all I said,
Maybe I should let him **** me, Maybe I'm better off dead,
I'd rather be, than him forcing me naked on his bed,
Curdles my stomach and makes me want to puke,
All the things he forces me to do,

I kept it hidden, for so long inside,
When he moved in, I was a quiet girl and a bit shy,
Sometimes I just lay in bed and cry,
Maybe it's better off if I die,
Let him **** me, I don't want to be alive,

It lasted longer than I thought,
This time I screamed, hoping he would get caught,
This was the hardest I've ever fought,
I knew he wasn't going to stop,

On my face, the blood that drips from cuts on my skin,
What am I doing, I'm letting this guy win,
If I give up, He'll do it again,
And everything I said wasn't just endless chatter,
The words I so strongly spoke really does matter ?
If he doesn't stop now, then another girls life he'd shatter,

I've got to be strong, and no longer will I cry,
I changed my mind, I no longer want to die,
When he wasn't looking I'd slip my legs through the ropes ?
The knife was still laying on the bed, I was able to slip and cut til it broke,
With the knife in my hand and blood on my skin ?
He'll never have the chance to do this again,
He walked in, noticed foot prints of blood on the floor,
I wasn't on the bed I was behind the door,

Pierced his skin through the side of his neck,
I don't know if he layed there dead,
I ran outside to the neighbors door,
I've never felt this way before,
I ran for help so the cops could do the rest,
I fought hard, I did my best,
Then I realized the blood was coming from my chest,

Took my last breath then hit the ground,
I waited to hear sirens, that was the last sound.
My mom lay crying at hospital beds side,
I woke up 2 weeks later, I fought hard, I really tried,
I had to decide,..
  Today is not the day to die.
I can take it, I'm not weak,
God gave me a voice, and I'll use it to speak.

Every Moment~

Sometimes we set ourselves back,
Everything we once had, disappeared as we shifted off track,
Everyday we struggle to find our way back.
The pain is buried so deep,
That a smile on our face is hard to keep,
Yet another battle on our own we have to defeat.

Why is the glory of the finish line so hard to reach?
When we find that our mistakes often repeat,
A lesson for our children should not be hard to teach,
Spots and area's of our life and past are faded like bleach.
How do we keep coming back when we fall so hard?
The important moments in our life we often discard.

We worry so much what other people think,
And let worry conquer, in turn making us weak,
Sometimes we are drained by emotions and
not strong enough to speak,
We have no control, or power over someone else's thoughts,
how they feel or what they choose to see,
But our gratitude to be who we are created to be.
Why is it someone else's life we often forseek?
When all we really need is to look inside of what
makes our own heart beat.
Besides who ever said 'life is a one way street?'
As long as we learn that our mistakes are not meant to repeat.

Grab a hold of your seat,...
Life will pass us bye without a blink,
And the pages of our lives be written without ink.

Sometimes we set ourselves back,
Everything we once had, disappeared as we shifted off track,
Everyday we struggle to find our way back.
Have we not realized the reason we are here?
Not everyone is hidden behind what they appear.
We walk this earth and struggle to bring it all back,
Open your eyes and see that you're not lost, just a little off track.

Will your kids still love you the same,
When your mistakes are covered and sprinkled with shame?
Why would you deny any mistake, if every moment has its place?
If the greatest memory of your life was taken from you because
of one given mistake....
You'd take it all back with every breath you take.

There is a reason for every moment, and its effect on our soul.
But will you embrace it or will you let it go?
Notice every memory as if time stood still,
Imagine every moment already lost, and never
again have the chance to feel.

I will smile more tomorrow because I know that I tried,
It's worth the struggle when you finally reach the top of mountain high.
So before you decide to hate the the struggle....remember
It's the struggle that put you on track,
Life's greatest gift, is the journey on how we find our way back.

Every moment given, is every memory taken,
Given to us for a deal never worth breakin',
The cycle of the struggle is what makes us strong,
To finally find our spot in life and where we belong,
Without setting ourselves back and doing it all wrong.
Not to repeat the mistakes of our past,
Just breathe and inhale every moment.... as if it's our last.

~Same Hand~

Embraced by the hand
that holds you,
Touched by the hand
that loves you,
Struck by the same hand
that hits you.

You know that he loves you, because he tells you so,
You know that he hates you, when he leaves and has to go,
You know that he misses you, because he returns,
You hate to let him in, because it's your heart that burns.

Embraced by the hand
that holds you,
Touched by the hand
that loves you and
Struck by the same hand
that hits you.

He makes you cry often enough to damage your heart,
The tears fall when you believe that he likes to be apart,
You want him to hold you and tell you "sorry & it's okay,"
Knowing it wouldn't last throughout the day.

Embraced by the hand
that holds you,
Touched by the hand
that loves you,
Hit by the same hand
that struck you,

And you were...
Struck by the same hand
that loved you,
The same hand
that loved you,
Is the same hand
that killed you.

Place of Mind ~

My mind seems to often drift,
 Enough to let one confuse,
So much of the inner soul sets to lift,
 Thoughts of empty thinking for one to amuse,
My lids over my eyes will eventually close,
 One of God's given rules;
Of every single spirit must arrose,
He makes no man as they are fools,
He created the human soul, and these are his rules;
             
                    Life is not given to you, it is earned,
In Death,   Life is not taken from you, it is returned,
                  To ****, by using the words of his name,
                  Shall regret, by saying it in vein,
                  The only holy son, wept his tears, and
                    shed his blood,
                  For he stayed silently on the cross, and
                    left to die but took the blame,
                  When disbelief brought storm, the
                    tears & blood were washed away by rain,
                  Since then, life hasn't been the same.
                  To be of woman, as Same as
                    to be of man,
                   Represent our soul and he'll lead
                    us through the sand,
                  To be guided and taught, as part of
                    his life's plan,
                  Walk with him, but don't forget to
                    ask him for his hand.
                  Give respect to all, in every
                    matter and form,
                  Your life will appear more magical
                    like it was the day that Jesus was born,
                  Don't let it wash away like it did the day of the storm,
                  Only one chance to fulfill your spirit,
                  Stand back and listen, I think I hear it...

Eyes Closed ~
 
Why can’t you See it? Why don’t you care?
Why have you lost hope, and given up?
As you turn in circles and run a muck.
Have you lost your touch,
Or just bad luck?
 
Your old habits have returned,
The lessons from your past you haven’t learned.
Crazy ways of thinking, yet hoping for a way out,
Changing your life is what it’s all about.
 
I didn’t want to leave you,
But I had to get away,
No one taught me the game of Life,
Or the directions on how to play.
I wish that you would see all that you have lost,
 With nothing left to gain,
Just a lot of children who suffer with endless pain.
 
I know that you are blinded by the darkness,
 and unable to defend,
So please, step into the light, with a life
 that’s no longer pretend.
I miss you so much, and I love you even more,
You are in my prayers at night, when I pray to the Lord.
 
Why can’t you See it? Why don’t you care?
You are with me every night and day, with my every prayer.
Our family had always been so close,
A bond that was of enemy’s envy, and love that they’d want most.
Unavailable at highest price, and can’t be sold,
Bonded by a love so strong, that made others turn cold.
 
As hard as it is to be so far away,
I gotta remember that I need to learn someday,
The things in life you didn’t teach me, nor show me the way,
That’s okay, ‘cause I wouldn’t be who I am today,
 
I’ve always been strong, and only God knows how,
And that’s a blessing, for my life is better now,
I cry a lot because I miss you,
You are my best friend, my mother,
And I can’t be without you.
 
So why can’t you just walk away from that awful place?
The town that should be condemned from the human race.
That’s ******* the life from your soul,
It’s holding you back, not letting you go,
Waiting for you to lose all control.
 
Why Can’t you See it? Why don’t you care?
What happened to my mom, and why isn’t she there?
Are you afraid of the way your life may change,
Maybe afraid of something new, so keep with the strange?
 
You walk around, but your eyes are closed,
You also run back, ‘cause it’s the life you chose.
You don’t wanna be open to the free world,
 So admit you are lost,
Hidden behind your soul, and given to the wrong
 higher power at our cost,
 
Have you given up because you had no choice?
Maybe not strong enough to stand up with no voice?
You let enemies believe they were right,
and took advantage of you,
Time and time again; and out the window
your life you threw.
 
So grab all the kids, and just disappear,
Come up here, and your life will seem clear.
I’ll take care of you all, with every promise I make,
Just like before, with no given mistake.
 
Walk off with your head held high,
Don’t look back, as you tell Barstow “ Goodbye”
You’ll be happy, and no longer will you cry.
Your expectancy on what a man should
or must provide for you is wrong,
It is in your hands where all stability should be strong,
And give us a life, and family where we belong.
I Love You !!

I am what's constant to your brain,
I know you want me, but I can't feel your pain,
I am what mentally keeps you insane,
And the pleasant of your words are in vein,
 
I am what makes you so blind,
Not even your heart can leave me behind,
I am what stays on your mind,
You'll feel me, when you've been hit in the back of the head,
I am what makes you fall, ' Cause it's you I want dead.
 
I am what gave up your life,
Everything you had, even your wife.
But don't be afraid,
It was an even trade,
I am the sacrifice you've made,
It's the little one's who needed you to pray,
Instead you let them astray.
 
I am not what's wrong, but right,
I am the anger that makes you fight.
I am what's wrong,
But where you belong.
 
I am what makes your cries fade,
And the sun shade,
I am what makes the hurt go away,
But I am the game that you like to play, and
What brings you back everyday,
    Once the pain is gone,
    I AM what makes you strong,
    I AM not what you give,
    I AM the greed,
    I AM not what you want,
    I AM what you need,
    I AM not what you see,
    But what makes your heart weak.
 
I am what made your life drain,
I am actually the cause, and blame,
Of what drives you insane,
I am the hidden soul that makes your blood bleed,
I am the addiction they call "SPEED".