I thought I'd stop writing about you
assumed by now that I would've come to
been half expecting these feelings to fade
after everything you put me through
but each step I see you take makes it harder to face the truth
emphasizes the pain
from a realistic point of view
Yet here I am, regaining my composure
refraining from opening slammed doors
sustaining all your leftovers
things I was smart enough to hide
my thoughts, and self worth
residual pride
a working heart despite the missing parts
and through the bittersweet irony you always reminding me
that if I found you gone
I'd still have a good life
I was afraid of being left behind
hushing my intuition to appropriate your lies for peace of mind
falling for that killer ******* smile
that'd **** me over
every ******* time
I guess I thought your words tasted too good to ever hurt
never thought I'd miss the way promises rolled off your tongue
because now I'm spitting out those same sentences
like mouthfuls of dirt
I fell for the girl with too heavy of a past to unpack
blaming bad habits for everything she couldn't take back
near the end, said we'd never have a chance
she blamed it on the distance, so one day I plan to fix that
These days we don't speak but I can still find myself in her songs
no matter what my head says, I promised her my heart would wait
How ever long
~ don't read for rant
She's lied a million times and I'm still hanging on to every word, pretending in front of her that the ******* doesn't hurt. The worst part is the tension when we do talk, she knows what she's done but when she's there I couldn't care less, and when she's not I let her live her life. I'm okay with being used, but only by her, ever; especially when I know can see how she uses me as inspiration to write her songs because planted or not those are feelings that have grown.