I grew up with the silly idea
That boys would write poetry
For the girl in the back of the coffeeshop.

It’s far from romantic
The countless times I’ve walked that road,
Entered that C- bakery,
And rested my elbows on a wobbly table.
Once, I twisted my ankle,
Caked my jeans in mud and embarrassment.
Another time, I fell in a puddle.
Nobody helped me up or dried me off.
Hundreds of dollars wasted on cheap coffee
That only kept me up long enough
To realise how low I was.

I wrote poems for boys in the coffeeshop,
Adam and all the rest.
They didn’t write any for me.

he and i met up at my place
and chilled and talked for a bit.
i began to feel warmth as i listened to his voice,
then looked at his smile,
his eyes,
his dimple on his cheek.
i gave him his gift:
a t-shirt from his favorite band and album.
he said thank you as he continued smiling,
and it made me feel warmer than i was before.

moments later,
we walked to the green line.
i was going to take him to
one of my favorite coffee shops in the west loop.
he told me that we would probably be late to get in.
the coffee shop closes at 5 while
we got on the train at around 3:40.
i told him that we were gonna make it.
i was surprised i would be the optimistic one
since i was a huge load of a pessimist from the past week.
luckily, we got to the coffeeshop an hour before it closed.
he ordered a cappuccino,
i ordered myself a hot chocolate.
we then grabbed our drinks and found a table
in a faraway corner near the restrooms
and began our conversation from there.
it was a nice one and i still felt the same amount of warmth
as i looked and listened to him.
i knew that he had a girlfriend
and that i shouldn't keep my hopes up,
but ****, is he a gem.
i just couldn't help myself.
i was also kind of surprised how we kept looking at each other
in the eyes for long periods of time.
don't know if that's a sign or anything, but, it would be frequent.

an hour later, we decided to head out to my place again.
i took some pictures of him outside the coffeeshop
with my 35mm camera and laughed when i
saw a customer almost photobombing my photo
through the window.
minutes passed and we were already back at the green line,
waiting for the train to arrive.
the sunset was so amazing,
but seeing the view of him made it better.

we made it back to my place
and relaxed for a bit once again.
he remembered that he saw a bass guitar
leaning against the wall and asked
if he can play it.
it wasn't mine but i asked one of my roommates
if he can play it and he said as long as he knows
how to set it up.
he, of course, knew since he plays bass himself.

i heard the notes he played and i began to feel mesmerized
with every note that he played.
although his rhythm was a bit off since he
wasn't used to my roommate's bass,
he was still pretty good.
the low frequencies coming from the bass amplifier
softly vibrated my ears as i was hypnotized by
his fingers moving as he presses on each fret.
i guess the vibrations made me feel a bit warm, too.

the day finally ends as i was about to walk him out of my dorm.
when we got to the front door and before he left,
he said thanks again for the gift.
and then he hugged me.
he hugged me.
i finally felt his warmth for a second or two.
it was a friendly hug, but, it still felt nice.

i remember him saying it would be cool if he can hang
every other weekend when i'm free.
i'm gonna keep that promise for sure.

Getting lost
in the Coffeeshop Quartet.
Birring grinders and steamy explosions
chattering friends- coffee tinged emotions.
Everyone's exploring with their faces upbeat,
a little bubble of warmth against the cold harsh street.

Today I found myself in this coffeeshop
Its not actually my thing
I always thought it's impractical and just a waste of what little fortune I have
But I needed to get out
Have a breathe of fresh air
Much needed walk
See humans
Hear them talk
At least
While I
Alone with my thoughts
Not a single audible word
Though there were few interactions
Glimpses
Minimal smiles from the crew
Some thoughts still suffocates me
Especially when I think about
How I am just nothing to you
How it all was just wishful thinking
How it had all ended before we even begun
How it was all just for fun
And when I caught myself
Drifting in these toxic thoughts
I get back to my reality
Alone but not totally lonely
I just have to get used to this
Be comfortable in my solitude
Learning to enjoy this process
Of self exploration
And mastering the art of letting go.

coffee in the night wakes me for the evening,
sipping as I listen to cool tunes
from the lady strummer sooth,
oh the taste of a nice fresh brew,
potent and dark, the caffeine streams
through blood to the brain,
nice quick buzzbuzzbee
in my head.
reprieve from the shop to the abode no one knows,
down the road curved heavy I strode
and sank deep into muses sweet song,
echo ear to ear soul soothsayer,
calm coffee nerves,
trade lines of rhyme
in a compact black
notebook of wonders belonging
none other to d-bake,
spirit of the sun, wandering peace beast
with worthy words and steady grooves.
come midnight go and its time to depart.
come home to dark demons
seeping 'round corridors and corners,
peeking for a sight of frightened prey
to pounce on invisibly,
startled through and through,
spooks steering to insanity, must
seek shelter ‘**** covers with sleepytime tea.
long discussions over late telephone,
with lady of dreams come true,
of one consciousness such that no puzzle piece
stands apart and one love
binds the confines of it all ,
mind shatteringly simple yet
most don’t seem to see
the beauty of all infinitely one.

maybe the buildings are hollow,
occupied only in facade on the first floor of storefronts

maybe this whole town is a hologram
of neon against puddles
on the pavement.

maybe the citizens are ghosts
floating by
in circles, or squares of city blocks,
around a routine,
or droning through on electric scooters
as if on muted theme park rides
to the next sensory diversion;
to the nearest gastronomical pleasure;
toward the weekend and its next party
celebrating the loss of time,
I see their tired faces

staring out from the glass
of coffeeshop windows
on every block.
I see their piles of beer cans
beside the trash chute.
I hear them singing
on *****-cruises to nowhere

What part of this cycle
that turns days into dust
moves us closer to heaven?

What feast from what new restaurant downtown
will feed our souls?

From which lonely night do we finally emerge
beside the one
whose presence fills
these hollow buildings
to the top-most floors?

Which of the empty lots
between us do we fill
with a conversation
about how this is all a dream,
or how we'll keep each other awake
on a bench
beneath a street lamp before dawn
waiting for the first bus to take us home.

voices blend, a buzzing murmur
steam swirls, mocha wafts
caffeinated atmosphere
java fog looms above

steam swirls, mocha wafts
music caresses lightly the ambience
caffeinated atmosphere
lively line of addicts

music caresses lightly the ambience
softly, I fall into clouded thought
lively line of addicts
contrast my peaceful bliss

softly, I fall into clouded thought
pen the pensive rumination
contrast my peaceful bliss
busy baristas hollering orders

pen the pensive rumination
inspiration in café population
busy baristas hollering orders
while I ponder life's purpose

inspiration in café population
doodle, draw, and dream
while I ponder life's purpose
I sigh, my mind screams

doodle, draw, and dream
let it out, let me be
I sigh, my mind screams
voices blend, a buzzing murmur

I’ve ordered and carried my steaming cup of brown to my table to ignore the falling snow beyond the walls of this box.
My clothes are wrong, my hair as well.
I just cut it, and everyone knows which mistakes I made.
A man sneezes and the song changes.
Better not make eye contact with anyone; I am not in their league, here at the muddy spoon cafe.
Chewing so loudly in the de-creeping silence,
these safe, polite, quiet ones.
I am the creep here. I am different.
My thighs are tense.
Hunching over the paper, arms tense and clutching  a gnarled red pen--
It’s probably self-indulgent to even sign my name.
Someone’s shuffling cards.
I almost forgot.
The awkwardness I’m filled with breathes out a short sigh when I realize
--my part’s over.
“Do you know Sanskrit? Do you know what that is?”
A woman asks another.
I want to choke on the pretension
The tenseness, I adjust my leg to relieve pressure on my ankle.
Why can’t I just enjoy the snow? That’s all I really came here for-- well, and the coffee.
I hear a woman cough with an unaffected tenor, which would convey her gender to an interested party but to me carries no intonation.
I wonder if the girl I recognize from class thinks I’m following her.
I came here for coffee, sweetheart!
Is it yet too hot for me to dare a drink?
I can see it, the steam, rising out of the corner of my eye.
I haven’t looked away from my hand in twenty minutes.
“Who am I?” they may be asking myself for me.
I don’t have a clue.
They can think about that problem
for themselves
while they’re lonely
in their forties.
I’m lonely now and I hope not to live
that long.
Here, we pretend not to see each other’s faces
in the gleaming presence of steaming cups.
“I don’t want to wonder about that.”
I realize there’s nothing I even deem worth writing down.

I have feelings;
you're dramatic.
as the back of my notebook
soaks in condensation,
at a remote coffeeshop-table
somewhere,
i check my phone again.
you're misunderstanding love
and I wish I had the time
to explain.
i'm glad
there's hardly anyone here;
waiters too bored to check.
leaning against a window
i hope everyone is happy.
you don't know love;
i have nothing to say.
wildflowers —
you can't plan them.

as i sit in the café alone, reading, and drinking hot tea
i look over and see his brown eyes staring back at me
he notices me and makes his way over to sit down
and in those brown gorgeous eyes, i'll surely drown
we talk for hours until the café has to close its doors
i jot down my number and make sure i've got yours
he takes my hands and says "we have to do this again"
and there are so many sparks between us, its insane
i immediately blush, nodding and saying "okay"
and i know it's pretty obvious im a goner anyways
you give me a sweet and tender kiss on the lips
i hear your voice telling me not to give you the slip
i smile and realize it will always be..
him
the coffee shop
and me.

Lets trace the moments
lost inside our heads.
When we had the energy
to get out of the bed.
All those days just wandering
trying to find our way.
Comfortably silently pondering
upon a winters day.
Sharing thoughts
sharing hopes
using the same bar of soap.

You and me kissing in the snow.
Lost inside the feelings that we show.

Dear my lovely soon to be,

you were sitting at the cafe when I saw you.
sitting in the corner, with your music playing.
keeping quietly to yourself, thinking.

I did not mean to stare, but what can I say,
you caught my eye.

an elderly couple walked in, the bells chimed,
their time telling aged hands intertwined.
it made me smile.
knowing that love can last.

He ordered his coffee black, no sugar.
She ordered her tea, milk, two sugars.
He nudged Her jokingly and said,
" Don't worry sweetie, I got it this time."
as if He had not paid for Her every
other time throughout their long life together.

they searched the small eatery
only to find that all seats were taken.
at that moment you looked up ,
and without thought, gathered your things.
you directed the couple to where you were sitting,
told them it was rightfully theirs.
He shook your hand as if you were old friends.

you turned to walk away, and met my smiling eyes,
along with my now rosy blushed face.
not knowing what to do I turned away
thinking how I could let you catch me staring.
looking up hoping you were gone,
but secretly wishing you stayed,
there you were, unexpectedly.

you smiled, sat down, reached across the table
took my hand, and said,

" Hello, I'm Brian.
I couldn't help but notice you looking,
but don't worry, I only noticed
because I was looking, too."

With all the love in my heart,
yours now and forever..

Late nights see you lingering
Over the final cup of tea
And that one last cigarette
Alone in the growing silence
Relief from the earlier bustle
While the moon slowly fades
Making way for a new day
Which you aren't ready to meet