Swirling a frosty straw
Stuck up like a victory flag in winter ground
With my lips wrapped around it
I stare into this empty canvas
of a vanilla malt
And project my cartoonish headaches
into it to devour it
Oh those ****** Doo monsters
Shadows that lurk to cut my Tom & Jerry humor
Only to formulate semblances of evil
A Mojo JoJo caricature
I then project into my milkshake
His smirk haunts the smile of Tweety Bird
In my Hanna-Barbara mindfield
Colorful spirals of animated joys
Let me know slurp Elmer Fudd shotgun
That was mugging my creativity
And robbed me of my motive
Let me taste the refreshing winds
That flow through the deserts of Road Runner
Taking laps around my heart
With its true intentions in a love letter
I will never get
Soon slurped and eaten to take away the thoughts
And now I hope I can drink another
To rip out the rest of the pain that in my heart

Charged neurons firing,
Bombshell ideas explode,
Rifting old beliefs.

I wish I could navigate the minefield of my mind
Its corners dark and undefined.
One step too far, it all explodes
It explodes, my being erodes.
I walk through slowly with a hopeful face
Behind me, anxiety soon gives chase.

Anxiety stabs me, sanity's scorcher
And as I weep, I'm ****** to self torture.
Cut in the heart by worries future to past
I'm paralyzed to think this day is my last.
I break the mirror, shouting at my appearance
Meandering in camouflage is my only clearance.

I'm comforted by brief moments of peace
But it's back to the minefield as those cease.
I sit and smile as I amputate
In this personal hell I create.
And I shudder to think of an eternity bound
To this forsaken battleground.

driven. motivated. to the point of insomnia. getting rid of every toxic thought and feeling that's rendered me immobile, that has poisoned me paralysed-unable to lift a single finger, to nurture the dreams that were fertile in my mindfield.

i am going to achieve everything i set out to do in small steps, however long it will take me :)

the days are long and exhausting
but they're a distraction I desperately need
until night falls and I'm left alone
laying, staring at the ceiling
and everything I was sure I pushed away
comes back strong and forceful
and all I can do is hold on and try not to look directly into the blast,
wait for it to be over and wallow in its wake
until it's shockwaves finally succeed in knocking me unconscious,
and the distractions begin again.
even the nightmares are welcome
because they, too, are an escape.
nothing seems as bad as the battles of my mindfield
during every waking moment.
so I welcome the monsters and make them my friend
if nothing but to eat my thoughts
before they destroy my mind.

I'm a captain trying to work the navigation
Of this worlds generation,
It's a mindfield of pseudo-suicidal thoughts.

It's a pseudonym for sympathy they bought,
Caught up in the friction fiction,
Of morality against carbon fiber addiction.

An impossible love,
And intangible hate,
With freedoms death,
First breath it takes.

And weeps,
Resounding notes the mountains couldn't sing,
Or the sky could keep,
Secrets that give flight to broken wings,
While dignity sleeps,
Freedom sings.