He de-seeded himself into three pieces and proceeded to grow a tree of decieving, you see.
One seed of the tree was greed, so all it would breed was to feed our needs.
Once we used up all its weeds we decided to dig deep to see what this tree was hiding.
There it was, all along infront of our eyelids.
The roots of this tree grew in all directions endlessly.
How could this be?
One seed for greed, one seed for achieving infinity..?
And for the third, I (eye) tried to see through the mystery of the last seed I collected all the ingredients to cook up the last grand meal.
Stirring it I caught a quick wiff of its essence and for a mere second I felt free, I acknowledged the knowledge of being me.
My brain was introduced to DMT and I also knew the signifigance of the truth, now I knew what I had to do.
Convinced of the truth but I still follow all your rules, im not insane I wouldnt go blow up a school but I swear, latley my brain been telling me, only options I have is to accept my destiny or change it by a killing spree.
I know you are testing me but how am I supposed to enjoy this beautiful scenery if I cant even get this stress of my chest so I can rest again peacefully.
I knew I owe my soul to this tree for the knowledge its giving me.
I try to hold on to my memories but as its leaves they fall eventually...
It kills me everyday, living, knowing its not for me.. not for me...

Sagaciously gloaming melanite eyes
Resonating euphoniously ululated memories;
The shadow land of illusion
Rising out of the ash of an acorn
Wallowing in the blood of wars strident refuge,
Gnomic relics errant of an
Enigmatic almondine heart
Offering an olive branch upon an
Altar made of oak.
A ruminantly nostalgic requiem
Sedititiously traversing the firmament;
Ineluctable reprobation
Ineffably manifested,
The doves of meta-morphosis
Embracing the silk garments of love;
Sound minds cacophany
Devouring the delusional devout
Veridically inspiring ascendancy
Decieving serenities whisper throughout
The dominions audaciously
Rousing ambivalent fears.



ELEETE J MUIR.

Through my life you've been there . . . now there's empty space.
When I needed a hug,
                                     hurt myself,
                                                        or needed protection . . .
You were who I went to.
With your words I made it through battles;
                I believed in myself.

Through the years I grew up and you were always constant.
But through the years as I grew you became secluded.
You found a women who seemed so fair, but looks can be decieving;
               Now this women has taken my place and my words mean nothing.
You're no longer there when I need a hug,
                                            if I should hurt myself,
                                                              and too protect me . . .
You've broken promises;
                Like to be there for prom and graduation.

Now I'm hurt with operation in a few hours.
And this women that seemed so fair keeps you away from me.
I'm getting cut open . . .
                                           . . . and you're going to be missing . . .

We're stuck within these bodies that we're dying to change
We are ashamed because we want to be different

Modified.

We cannot escape being called by "her" or "him"
It may not seem like much, but titles matter,
As do appearances.

"I want to be this", I say
"But you're not that." Society barks

That.

We crave to be that,
The opposite of "who we are"
We're stuck, truley
We feel as if we can't escape this, containment,
This restriction,
This prohibition.

That defines us.

We didn't choose to be WHO we are,
We didn't get a choice to become WHAT we are.

I am a "he".
I am a "her".

We are confined to be one gender, "ourselves"

How can we be ourselves if our looks are so decieving?
Are we not judged by our outskirts?

I want to be "that", On the outside
I already am, on the inside

Though, I'm jammed,
Wedged,
Lodged,
Embedded,
Fixed.

We linger in these false corpses
They burn at our courage and tear at our hearts
They puncture and pierce and leave scars and bruises in our souls
Because we cannot run from ourselves.

When society is against us
We remain still
Immovable
What can we do if our skin is a lie?

I am a "he" on the inside, a "she" on the outside
I am a "she" on the inside, a "he" on the outside

I can't escape alone.

I think I'm trapped

Brains constantly devoured,
Forged as the unknown.
Intellect decieving creative diction
Pardon errors and revise.

The hours you spent
Absorbing anything but sleep,
Piles up to the layers
Of stars and air.

Stop being the person
You thought you were.
Brush off values you knew,
Learn to teach something old.

Tear ducts flood out
Sodium enhanced contracts,
That binded you to affliction
Yesterday, and all hours that remain.

It doesn't have to stop,
And it doesn't have to start.
Sit through the releasing
Of depressing minds.

Cope with the contract
That you desperately signed.
Let them hear you weep
And see your pathetic eyes.

Stars shine with hope,
You shine with sadness.
Thirsting for more oppertunities
That allow you to feel something.

Now that there is nothing left
To feel, and nothing left
To hate, forgetting them
Is chronologically ensuing.

If our poems are really
Our hearts in words
We just wrote onto the screen

Then why do we care
About the numbers
Our poetry makes

Unless we need to see
What others think
About what is ours alone

i feel so tired
there seems to be a lack of oxygen
have the demons all conspired
to make me their kin?
is it their whispers that sway my opinion?

i fight back the tears that my heart wants to release
i fight a battle of the mind, and all i want is peace
but it sickens me to think that i have this disease
so the medication seems to be working,
but the dosage is what they might have to increase

you don't know.
but thats quite alright.
it is mutual, and i don't think of you as my foe
please, i don't want to fight
i have the scars all over my body
that tell of past pain
and deep inside i know that i'm a druggie
use and abuse, just like any other ******

my heart feels as if it's sinking into an ocean
but inside i feel i have an inkling notion
that i have to fight this war
i have to survive through the bombs, and than even more
the swords pierce my flesh
i quickly wish that i was dead
but all of this, it's all just in my head

i keep going.
the words are continuously flowing.
and here i am, not even knowing--
what i am supposed to do next
when i feel as if i'm so terribly vexed
but to keep on keepin on is what is best
i don't even mind if i fail the test
we'll just have to find out whats left of the rest...

and i don't write these words for you to read
i write them because i feel the need
to let it out
before i turn into one of those demons;
to begin to scream and shout
for i do not want to hurt you
the way that i have been hurt
but even the most beautiful of flowers need the dirt

so i push my way up through the soil
all of the worlds gravity feels as if it's weighing me down
i am soon facing the hatred and turmoil
but i try not to frown
and i feel as if the smile is faux--
like the ones on a clown
painted up to decieve thee
all to make you think i am happy
and i am.
i am.

i am only human.
i am, and was born into sin.
i am no where near perfect.
i am an addict.
i am kirsten.
i am an enemy, but i want to be a friend.
i am bipolar.
i am living on the border.
i am faced with trials and tribulations.
i am prescribed numerous medications.
i am happy.
i am sad.
i am the words you are reading.
i am the smile thats so easily decieving.
i am the epitome of me;
does that have a meaning?

now the tug of war seems to be misleading
i am swaying from side to side
while others see my pain, i see them grieving.
but my emotions are what i try to hide.
i don't want to have to see them leaving;
i feel so alone inside.

i have a pain only i can feel,
and no, i do not want you to understand.
and no, i do not want you to walk in my shoes.
but won't you please take my hand?
help me forget all the past abuse...

im just so addicted, I keep trying to get out, but I always fall to temptation and that quick high. I always talk myself into that dark situation, it's so deceiving, it looks so good but it just makes life hurt more. It leaves me stuck in a muck, I need some help, before I get lost in my deadly desires. I need a savior, who will help me get out, before I end it all. Why do I do this to myself, why do I long for something that harm's me. Why do I always feel depressed, this guilt keeps weighting on me, I need to get out of this mess.

Looking at these fancy pictures
Wondering what it's like
To be on the other side.

Taking this step
Is just not enough.
Looking out into the night
Wondering what it takes
To feel alive.

Everyday it's the same thing
Pick it up and go.
Not thinking twice about
What it is that's being me down.
I run to the place.

Welcome to the kingdom.
No one dares to make it past
Our gates.
Golden thrones,
Silver swords...
We got it all.

And I say,
Welcome to the kingdom.

This bloodshed is long lived.
Ready for the fight,
Because we got something better than
Cold lies.

We got it good in this palace.
Decieving eyes,
Wild minds,
Steel built hearts,
Undefeated and strong.

Even when the darkness
Demands a war.
We smile,
There's nothing to wait for.
Not thinking twice about what it is
That can stop us now.
We run.

Here in the kingdom,
We bring them down.
Fire to ashes.
Here in the kingdon,
We bring them down.
Snow to ashes.

Welcome to the kingdom.

Thought the professionals knew best?
I tell you I hate life,
That all I want is too escape
But all you do is send me away,
Tell me I'm fine and that I should just smile.
I thought you professionals knew best?

Thought that friends were there to support you?
I tell you I'm down and that I'm done
But you push me away
And ignore my cries for help.
You tell me I'll be okay when you don't have a clue.
I thought friends were supposed to support you?

Thought that parents were supposed to care?
I say I feel hopeless and like I've failed you
But you ignore my plea
And tell me I'm being stupid.
You say I don't know what you've done for me
And that I need to stop being so selfish...
I though parents were supposed to care for you?

I thought that professionals could help you out?
Well I guess they can't because they can't see my cries for help!!
I thought that friends were there to support you?
Well I guess they don't understand that I can't do this on my own!!
I though that parents were supposed to give a ****?
Well I guess that they don't when all you do is cause trouble!!