Almost Lover
The whole worlds moving but around me its still,
Can you hear that silence? **** it’s so loud.
The love of my life with another girl,
My minds going crazy its stuck in a whirl.
How could this happen how could this be?
I thought I was the only one you’d ever need.
But my friends, they don’t like you,
Nor does my family.
And so now I see,
You were never the one,
It was not meant to be.
Goodbye my almost lover

Because on that day,
the day that the sun shined bright and the waves rolled strong,
Your consummate hazel eyes glistening,
allured me to you.
Your ash-blonde hair, flowing in the wind.
Perhaps if i was able to resist you, my world would be in one piece right now.
But I couldn't.
Perhaps if i hadn't brushed the sand off my body, and joined your stupid volleyball game,
I wouldn't be writing this.
Because your love was one that consumed me.
It absorbed the life out of my soul,
depleted my happiness.
I still remember the smell of cigarettes and cologne,
and
the place where I pictured my life with you.  
Where do you go when your whole heart relinquishes from your body?
When the person you thought you would spend your life with,
gets on a plane, and flies across the country, forever.
2,299 miles away.
Maybe this is how it was supposed to be,
who really knows anyway?
It still hurts the same.
*s.m.

When you feel like you've hit rock bottom,
remember you can only go higher from there
And when the demons whisper in your ear late at night
remember they are just demons and cant hurt you.
You were strong enough to let the words into your heart,
let them go
let them out.
They are just words,
words that are meant to hurt and paralyze your brain
Words that mean nothing because you're stronger
you're better than the demon
When the pain gets so bad that you feel like you can't continue,
remember:
The pain is temporary.
And someday,
when the pain is all over,
You won't remember the pain that you thought would be there forever.
The pain won't be there forever.
I promise.
*s.m

Anxiety
It's like a volcano waiting to erupt
exploding all over your brain
Can't breathe
Can't see
Thoughts are everywhere
Feels like drowning in cold water
No one can help
You just wait
Wait for it to disappear
Wait for your lungs to start working again
Wait for the anxiety to vanish
And then
Wait for it to come back
Repeat its destructive path
All
Over
Again
*s.m

my mother looked at me and said "you're such a beautiful girl, you're the only one who doesn't see it" and god i wish I did

Love.
They want to know what it feels like.
Always demand to need it
Love is a wave of emotions,
Love is a drug, so addicting.

Starting from the touch of happiness.
Everytime they put a finger on your skin, you get chills up and down your body.
Butterflies everywhere.

Fighting, yelling, crying.
Feels like you're coming down from a high.
Helplessly grasping for air.
Love is intoxication.

You crave them every second, of every day.
Without them, you're nothing.

it's not that I want to ruin my body,
but you ruined it.
you did this to me
cuts
they don't make me any stronger,
in fact they make me weak.
all the pain, all the truth
I wear like a battle wound.
you
you did this to me.
and for some reason, the loss of my own blood doesn't upset me.
the loss of my dignity doesn't upset me.
but, the loss of you does.

Someday I'll be good enough for you.

maybe soon,
maybe never.

Or I'll be better.
And you'll want me,
I know you will.

I'll probably laugh about it.
because I don't need you,
I never did
You were just a bump in the road.

You are like the ocean.
Beautiful, yet deadly.

You take my breathe away,
as the ocean does to many people.
You drowned me.
Breathless.

So don't you dare ever say you've never killed anyone.
Because you left me hopeless, to drown.
*You killed me.

There wasn't much left of me,
after you destroyed me.
Set my heart on fire,
flames burning.

You, my dear, have a heart so cold.
So cold, it puts shivers down my spine.
Everytime you say my name,
it sends chills running down my body.

But you broke me. Destroyed me.
And you don't destroy the ones you love.

Pain, so demanding.
Always needing to be felt.

Why?
Why can't I just be alone,
without the pain,
without the agony.

You can pull out that razor,
slice all you want.
You're still gonna feel the pain.
You're still gonna feel the hurt.

I'm stronger than that pain.
Better than that pain.

But that is a lie.
Because pain, pain will always be felt.

Death is a scary thing.
So why is it that I'm more afraid to fall in love, than to die?
Why is it that my fear of living is greater than my fear of dying?
Death is inevitable.
*But so is he.

It's a funny thing right?
Love, I mean.
We fall in love just to get broken.
But after we have fallen apart, why do we run back to the one that crushed our soul?
I still want you,
And I miss you.
God I hate you,
At the same time I love you.
*You