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You know that smoking kills you
and still you let it.
When I kiss you I can taste the smoke
and it sinks into my skin.
I know that I'll regret it when you kiss me
and still I let you.
You're trying to quit because you've become addicted.
I know the feeling because I'm trying to quit too.
I am the phantom
That walks through the halls
Of your sad, empty mind.

I am the spirit
That reminds you, endlessly,
Of the reality you left behind.

I am the ghost*
That keeps you awake and afraid
Of facing another pitiful day.
Do you remember
when we first laughed together?
I liked your smile
Something inside me changed
when I saw your face
And all I remember thinking
was just, “Please don’t turn away.”

When we first met
I thought that I’d met perfection
You made me feel
something so much more real
than anything that I’ve ever felt
for any other girl that I have ever seen
I knew right then that I could never try to dream up
One with more beauty
And I remember wishing
You and I would be together
When my heart beat, I swear I could hear
Could hear the thunder

Do you remember?
We were laughing together
I loved your smile;
it would take me away to a better place
We locked eyes; I was barely breathing
I thought, “I'll never turn away."

Because you make me feel
something so much more real
Than anything that I’ve ever felt
For any other girl that I have ever seen.
I knew right then that I could never dream up
One with more beauty
And I remember wishing
You and I would be together
When my heart beat, I swear I could hear
Could hear the thunder

I still remember
When we could laugh together
I miss your smile
Those days feel so far away, so misplaced
They’re gone and I’m left here thinking:
“Just why’d you turn away?”

Well those days are gone away
Those days are gone away
It doesn’t matter what I say,
now, all those days are far away
And they are never coming back,
I couldn’t keep you from turning away

Now I’m just keeping pace
While memories fade away
Surviving day by day
Since the day you turned away
Tears fall for so long
And tears have dried away
But as the days go on
I’m just keeping pace
No longer asking why
I can’t forget your face
With few more tears to cry
I’m just keeping pace

With eyes filled
Heart peeled
Through the blur I can hardly see
Still I’m gazing at the memories
Each one multiplies the pain
But I just can’t turn away

I’ll always remember
At times I dream we’re together
I’ll never forget your smile
Because when I close my eyes to sleep,
I still see your face
I’m just left here thinking
About the day you turned away
|Written early 2012|

**Story**
I fell in love with a girl in the summer of 2011, and went through a heartbreak that devastated me and has affected me to this day. I don't want to share details, and you likely don't want to hear them.
During my final year of high school, I lost a friend I cared a lot about. I began writing an emotional song on my guitar about her, adding lyrics a bit at a time after I had the basic melody, starting with, "Do you remember...when we first laughed together?"
However, as I continued, ultimately the girl I was more deeply heartbroken over and the even more painful memories came heavily upon my mind, and I ended up writing the song about her. This is the original version of the lyric to that song.

**Trivia**
While I very much like the melody, and wish you could hear it, I have never been completely satisfied with all of the lyrics to this song, or even the title, and I consider it very much incomplete...kind of an indefinite WIP on standby.
I've switched titles a few times. Alternate titles I've considered include "The Thunder" and "Remember". I will eventually post a new incarnation of this lyric once I am satisfied and feel that it has arrived where I really want to take it.

© 2017 A.D. Sifford.
I'm okay with you sharing my poems, but I ask that you show courtesy. Please be honest about the authorship by attributing it to my name. Thank you,
- Sifford
No matter how much I deny,
I am still madly in love
With the one who tore me up,
Yet fixed me at the same time.
Rain won't always
make the flowers grow,
Yet I insist on watching,
From behind,
A glass widow.

Condensation,
Stems from beating hearts,
A hot rush of air,
Cannot mask,
My harsh remarks.

No stretch of time can,
Caus the present to pass,
And reveal newly,
Bloomed petals,
From the brown and brittle grass.

Rain won't always,
Make the flowers grow,
Yet I smother,
All the seeds,
We have to sow.
It's all in your head
Those whispers of revenge
That soothe your racing heart
Making it hard to swallow

You’re safe and sound
While you watch your friends
Hit the ground
You let them down again

Raise up
To your call of praise
To hand out those weapons
Which make them feel brave

Forget who you really are
Wear the mask of your disguise
Turn your head before you shoot the gun
And never look them in the eyes

You played the game once again
But the game is now your goal
You can take lives, but the victims instead
Take a bigger part of your soul

Your eyes of stone look soft to me
I can read what’s on your mind
It seems you’ve decided once again
To **** one of your own kind

It's all in your head
Those voices who ****
Who draw out your weapon
And give you their will

They’re safe and sound
Resting face first on the ground
Who dug this early grave for them?

Stand tall
Hold your head up high
Hold that gun in your hand
Bear no life in your eyes

Forget who you really are

It's all in your head
blood-hungry war leaders
Unlike fossil fuels
I won't run my life on things
That are so long dead.
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