I wanted to turn around
But your silence made me think twice
I realized when I walked away
You just saw a sheath for your knife.

And they all taste cotton candy sweet
While I am the bitter aftermath of cigarettes smoke
Because when you're a mallard in a sea of swans
You start praying for the echo of gun shots proclaiming duck season

My mind has been blank for years
I can no longer bleed on to the paper
I lost my ability to write
Expression has been foreign to me
Since I opened my veins to write about him
The wound festered and poisoned my brain
It took my sense of speech
My sense of beauty
My artistic gleam upon the world
I have yet to find an antidote
To the venom in my veins
The verses will have to stay concealed
Buried under my bones
Hymns trapped I the hinges of my heart
Hoping to one day spill onto the paper

I'm running out of ways to convince you that my whole being revolves around you. You are my sun. You are the warmth on my body when the cold bitter world is giving me frostbite. I am a withered **** in the middle of winter constantly praying for you to give me the chance to bloom again. I want my ozone layers to thin and my polar ice caps to melt because you are close to me. If you set me on fire then I want to burn.

I don't want candy colored pills
Or faux supportive smiles.
I want to be blanked in bruises
To limp when I walk
I want my voice to scratch when I speak.
I don't want red lines from blades but from your nails scraping down my spine.
I want my brain to be clouded from pleasure not pills.
I want heavy eyelids from *** not insomnia.
I want to pant and moan because I'm so ******* tired of crying.
I want the sad ****** out of me.

When I found you,
I thought I found someone who would save me from drowning
When really I just found someone who would sink with me.
You tasted so sweet the first time we kissed.
But your taste was confused with sweetness of bottles of liquor that had already stained my lips.

I promised you pieces of an unfinished heart.
I didn't let my heart grow
I didn't let it reach its full potential.
I didn't know that once it bloomed it wouldn't want you anymore.

I didn't realize my soul was intwining with another even as I
Told you sweet nothings to get through the night.

But that's what all my words became to you.
Nothing.  
They were empty.
They did not belong to you anymore.
My I love yous had always been meant for someone else.
I didn't mean to give you what was not yours.
I didn't mean to take your heart too.
I didn't mean to be greedy.
I didn't mean to throw you away.

But what I found
What I was always meant to find
Is like fresh air after breathing in a life time of toxins.
She is the antidote to the venom in my thoughts.
She is the first rain on the barren waste land of my soul.
She is Mother Earth to the dirt of my body
Creating flowers with her touch on every inch of my skin.

I didn't mean to find you first.
I didn't mean to lie.
But if finding her meant to poison your life once again
I would do it in a heart beat.

Unlike with you, the
Bruises my new girlfriend leaves
Are concentual