I awake everyday,
Wishing this day won't turn out the same,
As every day before today,
Cold and grey
Empty and full of dismay
I coddle myself,
Telling myself everything will be okay,
But I feed into my pain,
I do the same things everyday
That make me go insane
And then I wonder why,
I'm miserable,
As I wipe tears from my eyes
I think of all the ways I will change oneday,
And I harp on some ****** up memories,
Some may call depression a disease,
But I call it a failure to maintain internal peace,

Sometimes I remember being a child,
When I was happy
How do I beat the odds,
Of this thing that threatens to consume me?

"i hate the beach
but i stand in California
with my toes in the sand."*

i reach a leg out, dip my toes
in the slowly lapping waves.
looking out, i see the ocean,
stretching for what seems to be
forever and ever and ever.

just like what you promised.
"forever and always," you said.
and i believed you, like the stupid
lovesick fool i was. i should have
known ; forever never lasts
when i'm with you.

people are a lot like the ocean,
i realized. turbulent but calm,
docile and quiet when unprovoked
but with the tendency to roar when angry.
that was you. but i suppose

that was also me, because stripped
down to the bareness of our souls
you and i are one and the same.

we are the ocean,
beautiful but treacherous,
stretching as far as the eye can see,
forever and ever and ever.

My sun: setting more beautifully than any sky in sunny California,
though I haven’t seen one in so **** long.
I’m starved for your attention, won’t you shine on me a little brighter, babe?
I know you miss the waves when you’re up north; I know you shiver in September
and that it’s too soon, that you should still be able to show off those tan lines but
if you stay here with me I’ll love you like I’m the moon. Let’s not make our love
something that they can only see occasionally. Let's outlast the summer.

Ah yes,
Take the anxiety and the panic
that has diseased my body.

Then bring it to your cold heart,
craft it into a fine, elaborate sword,

And finally,
Proceed to stab me in the back with the demons I thought you helped me fight off.

Do you want to break away with me?
Break away from this systematic misery,
Enter the void of endless fantasy?

The air is thick,
I am heaving
Yet, still I am believing
for a day when I can breathe with ease,
For an escape
From perpetual heart-break,
And yet, what will I have to release?
Sacrifice my life,
For infinite joy
Surrender idle toys
for everything more

You, Disturbed Boy,
I like you,
I always have, I always will
There's a gravity pulling me to you,
You look up at me,
Towards the sun.
I smile.