rlb: Poems

5/23/15

rlb Aug 2015

5/23/15

My problem lied
not in me
looking for the good in everyone-

but that there was
nothing good
in you to see.

Three years of my life wasted,
two more to get over you indefinitely .

For all this time has past,
and yet the past it still haunts.
For all this time it was
your ego, your pride that I fought.

I can say now that I'm not
mad at you anymore.
I can say now that I don't
feel like a *****.
But I'll never admit that the
bruises are still sore.

#love #heartbreak #short #rhyme #freeverse

5/24/15

rlb Aug 2015

5/24/15

The sun is rising
so I should be sleeping.
The dark is fading,
and I'm still breathing.

It's almost over-
these nights that I fear.
My own path is what I make,
what I steer.

With the company of others
I still go to bed alone,
for I don't have the strength
to pick up the phone.

I hate to be alone
but I love it so,
I love the touch and the feel
of a lovers happy glow.

So innocent, so pure
ending abruptly for the fear of the future.

Although it is all a blur
I can see clearly now
no one is going to have me completely,
not in this town.

Not in this town,
not in this life.

My body is tainted,
it's the end of my life.

The sun is rising
I had a good day.
I should be sleeping,
I should have convinced you
to stay.

#love #friends #life #drugs

5/28/15

rlb Aug 2015

5/28/15

You smelled of cigarettes and the whiskey you drank
but you captivate me with the way you behave.
I study your moves like its on an exam,
I can see right through that rough exterior no one can understand.

You say I don't feel,
I could say the same about you.
You're so quick to assume
when we both know its not true.

We are one in the same,
two old souls lost our way;
lost in each others gaze,
but only for the day.

I'm your quick escape
nothing more,
so I apologize sincerely
for leaving all my feelings
at the door.

#love #heartbreak #short #rhyme #freeverse

5/28/15

rlb Aug 2015

5/28/15

A pencil is as permanent as your love was for me.
Can't find real love, I've traveled sea to sea.

But it's real beauty, if you think about it real hard-
for atleast I've known how loneliness feels from the start.

A pencil is as permanent as my time is with you,
I've never heard haunting repeated words spoken so true.

I'll hold off and wait for the boy that will stay.
I'll hold off and wait for the one who makes all my terrifying thoughts fade.

#love #heartbreak #short #rhyme #freeverse #******

5/31/15, for my sister

rlb Aug 2015

5/31/15, for my sister

The end of spring is here
it's my favorite time of the year.
The ocean's as cold as my last lovers heart,
the sand feels the same - I suppose -
as any beach does.

The view is breathtaking
even watching it alone.
The sunset is so captivating,
a sight I had never known.

I take in all it is
and as no more
than to watch the sunset with you.
One day - at least,
one day real soon.

#love #family #sunset #beach #westcoast

6/14/15

rlb Aug 2015

6/14/15

I am becoming at peace
with having no peace at all.
I am now comfortable with
the distortion, the pain, and the dismal.

I watch my friends gather
and laugh, joke, and play.
Part of me wishes that I
could be that way.

Their positive energy radiates
and latches on to me.
The time spent with them
takes me away and sets me free.

I put out only good vibes
and smile and hope they can't tell
that my time with them is
temporary until I escape this hell.

Yes,

I am becoming at peace
with having no peace at all,
only because this road is ending soon,
but I cherish all the good times that
have helped me stall.

#love #friends #suicide #peace #depression #anxiety #happiness #fun #dismal

7/19/15, Hotel Beds

rlb Aug 2015

7/19/15, Hotel Beds

My handwriting gives
me a headache to read.
My mind wanders with
memories I can't repeat.

So worried about tomorrow,
but stuck in the past,
that even a single good day
doesn't seem to last.

No one to love.
No one to hold.
No one to share secrets
and let my fears unfold.

There's crime in the streets,
there's past pain in these sheets,
there are scars a lot deeper
than me.

I sing to escape,
I take what I need for the pain,
and I wait out my days.

And just like that, I fade away.

#love #heartbreak #anxiety #mind

7/29/15

rlb Aug 2015

7/29/15

I taste like a daydream
but I have the devil in my kiss.
You're wrapped with infatuation,
I'm spreading poison just past your lips.

You can do your worst
there's no hurting me.
Get out all your anger
and then get on and leave.

I look like a fairy tail
but I have darkness surrounding my soul.
My intentions are only to love,
but there's no stopping this evil to unfold.

Keep your distance
for you're not dammed like I,
or do your worst
and beat me until I die.

A soul like mine isn't meant to love.
A soul like mine is far too corrupt.

#love #heartbreak #depression #anxiety #evil #darkness #dismal

7/29/15, DISMAY

rlb Aug 2015

7/29/15, DISMAY

I guess it's really true;
my pride, my fears, my muse -
hopelessly devoted to,
I guess I've learned to love you.

The darkness has never left me,
the shadows come out and tease me.
The hurt, the dismay it lingers
from the inside of my stomach to my fingers.

We are so intimate, dismay and I.
The darkness knows all my fears,
my secrets, and why I'm so shy.

It makes me feel safe
in bed, alone,
but yet makes me scream out cries
when reality is read on my phone.

I hate my despair,
I hate the dark,
but I've learned to love it
from the start.

#love #fear #depression #anxiety #darkness

8/25/2015

rlb Oct 2015

8/25/2015

A year ago today I said I couldn't make it
through - another year,
to make it to 22.

And now that I am here another year in
what have I got to loose?
Nothing except -
another year just a tad more blue.

I'm always trapped in my head,
laying alone in my bed.

I want to see the brighter things
through - I did it
so far, I've made it to 22!

As uneasy as this may be I swear to you
I will make it to 23
so I can see the world through -
and maybe with someone new.

it 'twas my birrfday and I worked and got blown off by two different friends so I just got ****** and wrote poetry and ate pizza

— The End —