shape up, insanity
is learned
when everyone goes to bed
and we're alone
together,
no secrets longer stifled
under hidden wings
I speak, they listen
******* and ***** in the lot of revision

awoke, a solitude
voluntary prison cell,
they scream our names
but we can't comprehend.

I'm always unsatisfied
under pressure and
drowned in desire
voices that send
chills,
down my back, around every bone
igniting a feeling,
we're never alone

waiting, portraying
all the instances of territory explored
higher above all the ones
you're in love
an admission, I'll tell you why
gutted and misconceived
like a treacherous body of solitude perceives
staring out, frozen solid like a beam
of light to the rescue, the idea is unfinished
you're too much of a risk to take hold of
alone and confined
crowded, out of time
if you'd show me, I'd rock on
this party starts at dawn
held captive like a son of a . . .
well, I don't know, can't think of the show
dripping from sweat in this maze
a house that I'll set ablaze

a one week wonder
                                    no glass left to break
                                    no storm left to pass
                                    no baggage to pack
to leave all the rest
and coming to rest
your head on my chest
          a day spend in doubt
          but a night full of drinks
          I'm better than you think
          and stronger than you thought
I'll see you around
when the next week comes
and we're alone again
we'll seal our confusion
with this lousy connection

approach me with caution
a deadly edge
dreaming yet I'm weary
waiting for the end
could you show me?
could you maybe just dethrone me?
goodness, I think my soul is overflowing...
never miss a call
don't delay, get the story straight
fighting our downfall
just to stay, feeling far away

Today woke me up without my consent
How dreadful is a day over the day before?
How tedious are my thoughts?
My love clutters the lives of the simple
Boys in foreign homes,
And they wish they could unsee me at all.
The travels of man do not matter,
So long as they unravel golden dreams.
A dream made of gold,
Too far out of reach.
My hopes live in the sky.
My heart underground.

guilt leaks from my eyes
and I am veiled with blame
for good reason, to hell with my name.
let me wither
in your violet shadow
[ kept company by beautiful darkness,
and clothed in the whitest of white. ]
you've stolen my arms,
you've left me unarmed
and still you will fire away
[all of the gems in this world and regret
could never repay all my debt.]

my time is spent in funny ways
my love is spent on solemn Tuesdays
switch my ring, your words still sting
and I'm left to my own devices

you're a color I've never seen before
an act I cannot distinguish
though my love is spent in funny ways
your heart can never hold all of my rage

because what am I to do,
when I wake up with a headache and intent to enjoy
and it's evident in a heartbeat

my violets are withering
my eyes are glazing over
over, begin, what are we to do?

engaging lucidly to keep you with me
waking, working, no thinking
until dark night arrives
opening my consciousness to be with you

all around, they surround
tossing their ballots at my face
read mine, look at me, this way...
stiffening up, I can't stay close
turn away towards myself
only one person worthy of trust
what would you think if you knew?

I heard you call me your princess when you thought I was sound asleep.

Today you slept in my bed for an hour.
When I tried to join you, you told me to leave you alone.

he loved the deeper parts of her small broken soul

Collapse into me and I'll fall down
Beneath you, so you don't hit the ground.

I'll bleed with devotion, and leak from the depths of my heart
I am trying to reach you, I just don't know where to start.

I know you have a heavy heart, I can feel it when we kiss.

I hope to God that you have a greater plan.

help, this man is oppressing me!
reducing me to a liver-lobe!
love me, a lobe,
like you've loved your own home.
and retract all your selfish impulses!

oh, hopeless irritation,
comfort the soles of these long-burdened feet
and ****** me in the way of a grown!

mind of an eagle, heart of a rat
confine me and wreck me in the midst of your wrath!
one early bird morning, I lightened the load
I gravitate to the older, the bold...

men ripened with time,
stole the youth from his eyes,
allow me to bring you back down...

all bruised up but I love how it looks
reminds me! rebukes me!
a shattered childhood home that consumed me!

and all along I was searching
for a dampened fantasy,
a boy you cannot dream up -
I'm clenching inside 'cause of arrogant eyes!
I'm surprised, oh,
I am so pleasantly surprised.

how would you feel,
if I brought a girl home,
a talented, young, and beautiful lady
with vicious departments and plain suffocation?
she plays the fiddle,
the fiddle plays her,
cries of discomfort muffled by dreams.

the thing that carries the children through days -
are these deadbeat and techno lovey dance tunes,
they fill painful hours of deprecating division!

help a woman!
help a needer!
fend off the crazy,
come to save the block!

I'll prepare for destruction
a semi-mutual destruction
a love worth a dollar, but that's more than I have!

alternative controls, let's delete this black hole.
let's consider confinement in this earth that we stole.

and firetrucks keep passing us,
eager to fade
fade into danger! I will keep you warm.
warm like a fire,

a blazing house fire.

I'd like not to see you for days at a time
I can't help my attention to frivolous games
Move away from me now, and pray you'll be fine
You know not of my tedious gatherings
Sense the darkness that leaks from my heart
Feel the anger that pours from my lips
Isn't this the dream you have dreamt of?
Is this not all you have learned to miss?
A few months, at most, and then we shall see
If a man so uncertain can live under thee

one story to take away
a summer's memory to struggle for
locked and departed
don't quite know where I started
took a day at a time
and suddenly I feel sick.
     a pound for release
     it echoes and pleads
     pulsing in and up and
     out and around
a blade for a throat
can't write me a note
been here way too long
and you can't diagnose
     a filthy mistake
     one you can always remake
     I will always think twice
     before surrendering a healthy tongue
I struggle for words
but only scratch the surface
I struggle for ease but only feel pain
I struggle for weight
but today's date is changed
to understate a terror
and have no consequences at all

and to think
on one side, pure infatuation
but more, real love, deep, dark, painful love
genuine care and heart-sinking worry
on another, carefully timed and rehearsed
seducing on the outside, scheming on the inside
with a need to hurt the other person...

Why am I angry?
(if she's good to you)
You said you'd watch over me
Now I'm watching you watch her
Pulling beauty out of the boring
I'll turn into you, babe
I'll turn into you
I think I broke God's heart
I'm sorry I'm not strong enough to mend it
Get out of your house
Fall back into my arms
I believe that you love me
Why else would you leave?

I should be sorry for being white.
but I don't look down upon others,
still I should feel bad.
for what happened in the past
somehow, I am responsible

they put me down
telling me I can't understand
all lives matter.
but only if you are part of a minority.

I should be sorry for being white.
I should apologize for the things I never did,
things I never said and never thought.

because just the fact that I was born with a different skin color makes me unsympathetic and evil.

the fact that I am white means I am stupid,
means I am responsible,
automatically places me in the wrong.
I am constantly reminded of my inability to empathize.

all because I am white.
who are the real racists here?

Follow me on Depop!

I sell clothes for cheap :)

can we stay while I articulate
and sleep under the sun
a brand new house to start again
ashamed and full of dread
I'm counting down the days

wishing my life away

walking in a straight line
you won't listen to any whine
but when you call to interrupt
you won't interrupt anything at all.
everywhere I turn you'll turn
either following or admiring, but I truly can't care
I can admire your restless soul
and the days we spend
I'm able to pretend
stare at me until I cry
melting in your arms, I'm not the only one
laugh with me until I die
one wrong step and
Blood will take your name
one eye closed and the other on the cage
flooded with wisdom
******* by memories
free me, I'm yours
neither my doing nor
yours in your little secluded reality
lie to me, make me feel better
shaking 'til a snowstorm blows
worries into flakes and I
will walk in a crooked line
maybe I'm high
maybe I'm shy
maybe I just want to be close to you

my heavy head sinks below
fallen from grace
in rivets and morgue, we're mad, nothing more
this collection of cuttings
as old as the skyline
melted together in pine of refinement
pull me out of the gutter
we'll kick you back down

today wandering streets
I'm just as drunk as the guy who can't stand on his feet
they're casting a spell
I can feel it now, oh, how wonderful
I can still feel it now
electrify my life, darling wrote me a song
these lanterns light fires that summon me nearer
cast out, not a chance
lifted spirits in her witch dance
all those beads on the ground
beckon touch from afar

you're my merry morgue
housing death in your walls
saving Heaven for the demons desiring Hell
red as an apple
white as a ghost
clear as the night moon's reflection on her face

ritual, master, come set your slave free
believe in a burden
believing in me
your grave is reserved
for the day that you'll keel
killed in jealousy and madness
sweet treat for us all
there's no light in dark corners
for your leisurely read
the hearty black aria swims fully ablaze

your heart bleeds for me
your eyes drunk with lust
carry a deadening heartache
on the back of your craft -

I'll turn a cheek
offer no wave
drink no drink so I can still think.

I'll sit on your couch
so as you entertain
won't meet your eyes
it's many of their first tries

don't tie me with lies
I can't regard a handshake
or even a smile

I'll offer no wave
so long as you stay
right in your own place
don't come near my hand
must sit, can't stand

if pour me a drink,
of only you I'll think

secret refrigerator passageways leading, through narrow crawls, into over-sized bedrooms for children.. with fluffy walls.

to think of an artful life never reaching its full potential.

in my youth, I reminisced about the life I led years prior.
now, I reminisce about my youth.

days pass. mind blurs. thresholds disappear and my hometown now feels like a distant dream.

he pointed out my shortcomings
saying he could sense the darkness inside of me
a woman whose life was full of shine and warm welcomes
with a family of noticeable care and support
her mind was preoccupied with dreams and desires
of creating something, something lasting and true
like a family of four
or a cozy home with a wrap-around porch
of a man with stable goals and concrete intentions
maybe she was too blind to achieve it.
he told me he knew me at heart
but I was afraid of being too open and honest
hoping to shield the world from my confusing observations and unjustified beliefs
she was the pretty girl, the one who everyone loved
and then the dreams darkened their colors
my brain got polluted with grueling ideas

gutting old women and feeding the homeless
stepping in flies to feel the disgust
scalping a man and without second thought,
she devoured his skin and with the money she bought
a considerable amount of paint to be used
on her town, to cover the crimes and abuse

and her family all left her, and life was a slate
my body was opened and laid on display
I began to sense the darkness inside me
and I pushed it to the bottom of the bowl
underneath the self-centered behaviors and opinions I know are not true
but I don't know what I believe, and I have no desire
to dig deeper, to find myself, to know my real wants or reasons for trying
she sits on the surface and underplays individuality
overplaying romance and romanticizing pain
don't let the darkness seep through your pale skin
don't let the hurt soak into your blood because it will taint your beloved purity
he loved the deeper parts of her small broken soul
he gave her the future, the house and the home
I don't know
who I need to be
to fulfill the ache that consumes me
to give him all that he needs
in a lover, a friend, a tempting woman with complicated reflections
on daily things that happen to me.
I'm here for free, but she's taking over me,
designing habits that I never could foresee
...

How terrible a feeling, but I can’t feel those pesky emotions! I have found a way around you devils, a shorter path, a detour. May be the cause of self-destructive behaviors? Please. All I’ve got may not be worth the chase, may be better if I strangled with lace? No, stop those thoughts, because sometimes the emotion knocks so hard that it reverberates into your brain, over and over, all day. It could possess the power to break the shield of your one last chance at your cheat, and then what will you do?

Remain what you are.
I'm tangled in your thoughts,
but I'd rather be alive.

I'm functioning on a new level now,
Just look at me now!
I'm never sober anymore,
because sobriety feels like a high.

I am nothing but my sins,
I am nothing but my sins.

i'll quit you someday,
like the light of a last cigarette
like the stop of the high before it hits
i will give up what i've given to you
you're no longer special to me,
not special like a drink today
i'll lose you if love hits too hard
to me you can matter no more
so like an old record,
that I need no more,
i'll offer you up
i'll walk out the door
because you're just another thing
I'm going to have to give up

Let me in on all your tastes
I want the sour with the sweet
All the proclivities you hide from your friends
Drag me down a darkened path
If you leave, to Hell with my heart!
I swear I won't last a single day
Believe me, romance can't survive
Without anger and revenge and taking sides.
I swear I'm not hopeful
Quite the opposite, in truth
Lend me a reason to obsess
Love! Love! I meant, I slipped up!
Disregard, call me a lover of all
Things undone
I swear I'm not insane
I'm just looking for a soul to hold
A happy mind to destroy
A clean heart to stain

I like how you evaporate into the atmosphere
Hard lines become soft
My head falls back
     and I laugh
Reminds me of grade school,
Falling asleep in class

And when my eyes fall on you,
I like how the yellow glow snakes around
the outline of your body
Like a trail of fairy dust
     or neon toxic waste

you've scraped her heart hollow
injured deep within
fuel me baby, set me off
I can't fly when you hold me here.
hurt in his eyes behind all the glamour

she knows that she is right for him
he doesn't want to figure out
too much to lose
he's got his own name burned into his chest
to him, all that matters.

enchant me darling, don't be shy!
take my hand, we will rule the town!
can't you hear me crying?
she'll open your mind
ideas you have never contemplated.

it's meant to be! open your eyes so you can see!
her tricks fail to impress him.

constructing sentences, work work work?
come through.
pounding so deeply, images become blurry
my eyes working against me.
this feeling is familiar!
the only remedy
would be
You.

radios talk and I listen to you,
your heart sings for her
and I'll hide in the blue
waves of this sound
which I've heard once before
believe me, I'd die, you'll **** me for sure
radios tell me,
oh, how great of a song,
what a melancholy message
you should take it and run
but I can't, not dear radio,
and he sings in dark red.
but I am so blue, and have a cold head
more innocent woman,
she hides the wild side
he sang of stability,
all right.