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 Nov 2015 Ruzica Matic
Kareena
You call a few miles away from me far
Hoping I had left something inside your car
For some small excuse to see me once more
To drive back to me and open the door
Voices trembling, fighting back tears
Do goodbyes get easier with ongoing years?
No, I doubt it, they never were free flowing and nice
We say one more hug, but we always do twice
I can't tell you that I'm going to be strong
My heart does get weak when I know that you're gone
But still we press on and I yearn for you
And you call on me then and I know you yearn too
But when we do meet again, finally, all is right
You hug me so tenderly, kiss me goodnight
That I forget all that our visits are temporary
That when I'm alone, the real world is scary
That time is so precious, and that you are too
So close to my heart, I'll always keep you
So when you call me, I reply with voice cracking apart
"Yes, I left something with you, please bring back my heart"
They never do get easier
you are leading me softly
into deep blues and tangled sheets
quiet impressions of your past loves and their crooked teeth
while you, hang me in yours:
golden molars set on a house of cards
(This dissipates and collides)
and you don't breathe you smoke
pouring grey all out into the empty space
skin meets air meets time meets space
you spit ash and I reevaluate
the space between our hands
spiraling again
you tell me to open my eyes and take it all in
your hands on my waist
my hands turning tight
catch and combust
collide and spark your apathy
I burry myself in the face of the ocean
swirling slate hushed under the seabed
the wanting comes in waves as I'm drifting after you
this longing eats holes in my favorite shirts and breaks like the wings of the tender creatures of the night
wasn't their fault they were just drawn to the light in your teeth
and the feeling compels that as the waves break neither of us can remain
I'm just tripping after
deep blues and tangled sheets
quiet impressions of your past loves and their crooked teeth
just hang it and hang me in yours.
King krule inspired. To a boy.
 Nov 2015 Ruzica Matic
Joy
Dawn
 Nov 2015 Ruzica Matic
Joy
The stars are marching out the window,
They are still uttering about
The mischief from the evening before.

Somewhere on the horizon,
Night is fermenting into morning,
And it is calling me for a drink.
November, 2015
behind those impenetrable barrier
i saw a beautiful  man wearing black
his face is veiled by white cloth
he seems so lost
the stained blood in his veiled cheek
like he cry a thousand droplets of blood
the dulled in his eyes and the gloomy of the place
i aim to touched and smashed those invisible walls
with the mighty of my own hand
but not even my entire power can resist!
only you can shatter those walls if you're at inside
i attempted to shout at him
'help yourself darling!'
but not even my powerful voice
could penetrated those barriers
i cried at his painful situation
to my horror
he stares at me!
with his icy cold stare
he smiles!
those smile...
i remember those smiles i used to have
he slowly walks into my direction
and touched those invisible barriers
but he didn't attempted to fractured those walls
he talks but i can't comprehend what he whispered
i follow the move on his lips saying
'it's okay. i'm okay here'
he smile again
those painful smile
slowly, he unveiled his face
but what frightened me are
his face!
his looks!
that is me!
what's going on?!
i felt dizzy
maybe my mind is tricking on me!
slowly, my vision became blurry
drifting away in this melancholic place

i black out

©IGMS
the man in my dreams
Silent pressure is building
Eyes are wicked calm
Hands aren't even shaking
The calm before the storm

My quiet eyes unflinching
My flesh is hardened steel
The violent wind is singing
Harsh upon my bitter ears

My heart is ever steady
Tension is building fast
None below are ready
Peace isn't meant to last

You'll be made immortal
A portrait formed of ash
Your image but a portal
To a long forgotten past
 Nov 2015 Ruzica Matic
SE Reimer
~

the smell of timbers,
aging in the sun and daily misting;
neath the shuffling sound,
footsteps of a man,
bucket filled with daily catchings,
the reeling in of memory’s castings,
of creosote's faint lifting,
drifting on the breezes;
of old tackle boxes,
of shrimp and lures;
the gatherings of hands,
ragged and weathered,
the collecting of years;
of hand-me-down hooks,
bobbers and sinkers,
the odd bits of dust,
gathered in corners,
pliers worn by use and rust,
save from drownings
grateful rainbows
one by one,
their too-short lives
extended with each
catch and release.

tired ropes wrapped
’round bent iron ties,
summer-time-baked...
cracked and dried,
by day's too old to count,
the numbers, the flutters,
since this heart began its bleeding,
it's journey beating,
floats of faded red and blue,
recall of a yesteryear
of a grandfather renewed;
the one-time, one-day
he and i walked
hand-in-hand
down a dusty road
to an old, wood fishing dock
on a grassy river bank;
dock and day long gone,
but love-scribed now,
deeply in this memory.
a day with rod and reel
when on a river long ago
a boy and a man,
an afternoon of fishing
to his heart listening.
a wistful day
of boyhood’s dreams
now in wishful haze;
forgotten midst
the growing years,
tumbling out in verse,
those smells, the sounds,
now reel out words
between the tears,
now catch-releasing,
a heart's docking...
and memory’s rebirth.

~

*post script.

funny, this memory thing... how we can be so not conscious of what lies ’neath its surface, but then is reclaimed in vivid, YouTube vision by the smallest sight, sound, or smell.  with a childhood spent 8,000 miles and an ocean away from my home country, i have scarce few memories of my grandfather.  today i am grateful to reclaim this one, a tearfully joyous recall of a six-year old's wonder-filled afternoon,
caught and released so long ago.
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