today i think of you

and i’m okay

i don’t miss you

but more so the idea of you

your kisses on my lips

and hands in my hair

late messages of “i love you”

that i never really believed



i want to go back to that

to love filled stares

and intertwined fingers

but with someone

that when they say “i love you”

i believe them

it is not your words
that pierce my heart
like a bullet
but the absence of them

they leave me broken
shattered into pieces
withering away
unable to be put back together

confusion plagues my mind
distorting my thoughts
into a jumbled mess
making it impossible
to think about anything
but you

validation
i crave it like a drug
i am an addict
searching for my next high
through your words
that tell me i am enough
for i cannot tell myself
that i am worthy

i regret the words
the moment
they leave my lips

no matter how many times
i say i’m sorry
you don’t believe me

my heart breaks
this is not what i wanted
i have made a terrible mistake

the tears in my eyes
fall down my cheeks
as i try to explain my words

you don’t give me a chance
you turn away
disgust in your eyes

then i fall apart
piece by piece
the more you are gone

i have made a mistake
a terrible mistake
and there’s no going back

the absence of you
leaves me aching
for more of your touch
i never thought i’d miss

You cause me pain
but I can’t let go.
The strings of my heart are too
intertwined with your yours.

Keeping me close enough
to become deeply attached.
Enough that i begin forming
a future for us in my mind.

I think letting go
would snap every string.
Leaving me broken
even more so than I am right now.

So I will push through
the pain you cause me,
Because anything is better
than the pain of loneliness.