Your logic
It is way too idiotic

Why would you want to grow fast?
When your days doesn't last

Better think twice
Or everything might not turn  out nice

If I were you
I'd rather go in the summer sky blue
And read a book that's so true

Don't pretend as if you're a know-it-all
You might end up curling into a ball
Once you've finally fall

It wont be easy to get up
So better slow down and shut up

I reach out, begging,
waiting as I hold my breath,
hoping for the waves to return,
to stretch out,
to splash against my sand-coated feet.
Staring out at the ocean,
I wish.
I dream.
I pray.
But somewhere in my mind,
I have long since given up.
Call it selfishness,
call it greed.
Never will the ocean touch my flesh,
but I still crave to hold the salty water
up to my dry, cracked lips,
embracing its sting,
crying out for the sweetness
you and I long lost.

There he is.
God, he looks like a dork.
Not *my dork, no.
Far from it, actually.
He’s just a dork
who just so happens
to dribble my heart around
in his rough, warm hands
without even realizing it.

There he is.
Oh, ****. He’s smiling my way.
Wait, wait, no.
His eyes so brown,
so ******* brown,
aren’t on me.
I turn around.

There she is.
She’s waving him over.
Oh.
Her.
She’s nice.
They’d make a cute couple,
now that I think about it.
The thought makes my stomach flip
like some sort of surprised pancake.

It hurts.
But after the first hundred times,
you get used to disappointment.
You accept it like a champ,
accepting the fact
that he’s someone else’s dork.

I am the chain between yesterday and tomorrow.
The center, the filling between the endless ends.
When the before is no more,
when the after is yet to come.
The past will eventually disintegrate,
and the nebulous future is merely a hazy window.
But what about me?
I myself am always here.
I myself am the eternal *now.

For once, I would like to pretend
that my hair looks fine and my thighs are slim.
For once, I want to feel as if I could walk outside
without regretting my taste in clothes.
For once, even if it'll only last for a single, fleeting moment,
is it too much to ask to feel pretty and presentable?

the peeling paint is suddenly so exciting
when you have something else to do.
a million pounds of expectations rests on my head,
choking me, scaring me.
but does it really matter anymore?
petty pleas of help tend to fall on deaf ears.

today, i thought of
falling in love with someone.
i burst out laughing.

you once said i was like a shooting star,
shining,
bright,
beautiful.
you said i could easily light up anybody's world
as i fleeted in the sky,
i soon realize
that every shooting star
has a breaking point.
every shooting star,
gets crashed on the ground.
and when i crashed,
i thought you would be there to save me.
but then you found your galaxy
and now, i'm just a rock from the sky

*a.f

I wait, excited for when I see you again.
touch your fingers
kiss your lips
hear your voice.

But you always wanted more.

Because instead of wanting to see me
you wanted to see how the dress you bought looked on my body,
instead of touching my fingers
you wanted to invade  the parts of my body i regarded sacred,
instead of kissing my lips
you wanted to devour my mouth
and dominate me to show how weak i am,
instead of hearing my voice
you wanted moans and cries of pleasure
screams for the world to hear that I belong to you.

I sit here on the bed.
After your rounds of happiness and my forced labor.
I ask you who was the girl that you were so clearly flirting with last night and you tell me  it was just harmless flirting
and I bite my tongue
because i wanted to scream at you
Is it harmless,
that when you canceled on our date because you said you were sick,
someone told me that they saw you at a club, that you were gripping that girl's waist
and grinding on her like you were her man?
Is it harmless,
that everyday you rub it in my face how immensely inexperienced and timid i am
compared to the other girls you've been with?
Is it harmless,
that you asked me if it's okay if you ***** other girls
and I was taken aback and it was clear that I didn't approve?
You said
"They don't really mean anything, I just need some variety."
I knew right there that even if I didn't allow you, you'd still do it.
And right now
I’m just confused more than ever as I ask you again
What exactly we are and you say
“We're exclusively dating.”
But most of the time it’s more like
exclusively *******
with each other
with other emotions
with our non-existent commitments.
Because after just a mere 5 minutes of you being with me
and I refuse to spread my legs for you,
you have the nerve to lie to my face and look me in the eye and say
"My love for you gets stronger everyday."
And I swoon, being the naive little girl that I am
I am hung up on your words and I say yes when you ask me if we're okay.
But I know that by okay you mean okay with being invaded.
And with every pound, with every ******
The word love is replaced by lust
so now the sentence is
"My lust for you gets stronger everyday
and my love for you decreases the same."

I am so tired and so worn down from the weight of all my insecurities and you come hobbling in with your own bag of insecurities and stick it inside of me which you only do when other girls don't want you to.

Well guess what
For the first time in my life,
I'm
gonna
say
no.