I'm 23 as of today
It was suppose to be special
Because the father I never knew
Was suppose to come today
He said he wouldn't miss it for the world
And come to find out
He traded me in for a six pack
Some 26 year old *****
Out for only the money he stockpiles
In every pocket he can find

I lived a poor life
With my mom working two jobs
Barely able to pay the bills
Me quitting school
Even though she hated the idea
Me getting a job as a landscaper
At the age of only 13
Here I am working plants now
Crying because he promised

I had to raise my three siblings
Watch my baby brother die
Because his little heart wasn't strong enough
5 years old and he faded
Disappeared like our father
He says he left for that reason
But he was out the door
4 years before we even knew

How am I suppose to be the man
Of this already vacant house
When there was never a man to teach me
That being a man was sticking it out
Through thick and thin
No crutches and no lies
Just a god we pray to on Sundays
And a lie we live through the week
I can never say I'm strong
I still break down and cry
When I see my brothers footprints
Tattooed on my mothers chest
When I see his name on my arm

They say lessons are learned
Through the mistakes we make
Yet I'm learning more from everybody else's
Rather than stumbling and catching myself
I've watched my younger sister
Sell herself for $50
My younger brother go off to high school
My baby sister crying because nobody can help her
I'm lost and beaten down
I've tried protecting her
Yet I'm too weak to protect myself

My mom says she named me angel
Because I was her gift from god
Yet I know I'm the spawn of Satan
Always working
Always being the role model
I'm the most damaged one
On every possible edge known to man
Only centimeters from the cliffs
When does enough become enough
When do I get to rest
And engulf myself in throw away girls
You know the ones who you ****
Then watch walk out the next morning
Kind of like my younger sister
But she has her own life
Her own special "medication"
Her ritual to relieve her pain
While I'm stuck working 12 hour days
6 days a ******* week
Where church comes first on the 7th day
I want to disappear
But how would my mother feel
My brother my little sister
All those depending on me
Maybe this is the feeling of a man
The feeling a father gets
When things get too rough
Backs in the corner
No left hooks or right jabs to escape
Just alcohol and the flight plan
Where nothing else matters when you go
Leave everything at the door

I haven't had a girlfriend
Yet I've had *** twice
I don't know how I managed that
I've pulled my mother out of debt
Saved us from getting evicted
Even started a fund for my brother to go to college
I'm just hoping I can be as good as a father
As I am a brother and a son
I just wish I could tell every one
Through all the struggles
All the abandonment and self hate
I can still smile for those I love
Their what matter the most
Even when we get mad at each other

The curse of Oak Island,
A tale without a tale that hasn"t
been tailed.
It's a curse, but a curse without a cure
waiting to be cursed.
Sacrificing-
Witches, Tribes,
What lies  lye behind the burning
sake of your eyes?-
The head of the match,
It has been struck.
What's did is done and may not
Be undone-
Elizabethan Era,
Hangman's Knot,
Wrap, wrap, outta slack
Pull, pull, pulling, are you
Satisfied yet?-
Tomorrows fears brings tonights
tears-
It's almost like confetti, but
Tears fall faster, like
The rain being blown by wind-
Tossing and turning,
Swaying like a dancer on the
Hawaiian islands.
A fisherman's fears,
Caught in the midst of
a hurricane
Rolling, Crashing
Against the waves-
Except-
Except this is humanity.

Can you keep a secret?
I haven't told a soul,
You're the only one who'll
know
-
Stop thinking for a moment,
Imagine A grey, humid sky,
Dry, brown grass,
Welted, pale red roses,
Brown, lonely petals accompany
the dry dirt around the stem,
Leaves being blown softly by
the chilly wind,
Dry, cracked pecans fall
toward the browned grass.
-
No squirrels,
No rabbits,
No birds,
No signs of mammels,
Only me
-
Imagine a train,
But a train of thoughts
Rushing through my mind-
Engraving itself in fine
calligraphy across the darkness
of my mind,
My thoughts telling what
to do,
Never ending.
-
But she whispers,
"It doesn't matter, nobody can see
you, only me."
I turn to her,
My bestfriend,
Would you like to meet her?
Come-
This is Razor-
Razor Blade

I want to lay in bed with you
No thoughts of ***
Racing through my body
But the only thought
I'll allow tonight
Is the thought of holding you
Under every moonlit lullaby
And let stars watch with full smiles
As they witness my love for you grow
I don't care what the world has I say
I'd rather you call me your teddy bear
Than they'll know I'm not in it for the ***
The royal treatment is for you
And this late night cuddle session
Is only the beginning
Because tonight I'm going to show you
That even with my weakness
I'll protect you through the night
I'll be your dream catcher
Your luck rabbits foot
And chase away the worries of tomorrow
I'll cuddle concrete
I'll cuddle rose pedals
But nothing in this world
Could ever amount to the roaring passion
I can ever feel
When its your heart and soul I cuddle with
Your my yesterday
My every day tomorrow
And the last thing I want to embrace
When I fall asleep thinking of you
This late night cuddle session
Isn't over because I'll hold you
Till the moon and sun decide to collide
I love you like teddy bears love cuddling
And theirs nothing this teddy bear loves more
Than loving you

The way tears rolled down hills
With black eyed Susie's
Painted in perfection
On the porcelain figure that is your face
The way you forced rose petals
From your already thorn scarred wrist
Have you forgot the hours
We wasted just staring at each other
Afraid we might say something stupid
The way we would blush before we spoke
Like little kids pushed on stage
Fighting for a spot in the light
But never throwing a punch
Just stuttered and stumbled
On words we didn't even know how to say
Yet we threw words together
The way poets throw paper and ink
Into magnificent works of art
So you forgot
All the times we would hold hands
Start chanting some random song
Laugh a little till we realized we did it out loud
Where only seconds passed
Before hysterical laughter roared from our bellies
So you forgot
The late night beatings
Your egotistical alcoholic father gave you
Where you'd run to me before you ran to the blade
You don't remember any of that
So you simply forgot
Of course you would
Your no longer apart of this world
Yet you live through my memories
My scars I traced in an elegant array
To match the very ones your wrist held with shame
So you forgot
But I never will
Bc I still love you even after all the tears
Fall to the ground and puddle
Right beside the stains of blood
I still remember your smile
Forced onto your sculpted face
Yet plastered so awkwardly
It couldn't fool a blind man
I still remember the walks on the beach
Where we would play hop scotch
To avoid the jellyfish
I still remember your tailored blouses
Left on my bedroom floor
Scared we would get caught
I still remember running away from you
When I love you was so foreign
It pierced my soul quicker than any arrow
I still remember our last phone call
Where you whispered goodbye
Then dropped the phone
I still remember my screams
My pleads to a god I once trusted
Please don't die on me
Please be alive when I get there
Please dear god please keep her here with me
Yet you were 3/4s past saving
Bleeding into my arms
Staining my new t-shirt
Mascara dripping from your chin
Nothing I could do but watch you fade
I still remember every waking moment
Fighting to believe you were gone
Yet you forgot
You just wished yourself away
Into another galaxy far from me
On the tip of that razor blade
I'll always remember you
While you forget about us