it was raining last night really hard
and i thought that the storm
would go on and on and on
when i fell asleep, i slept in peace
because i knew that when i woke up
even if it was still raining
the sun would come up, anyway

you loved the sky and
i loved the color
of your eyes
i wish you were
still alive
i wish you were
still alive
with you i felt
like everything
was gonna be fine

i’m tired of feeling
like i wanna die
all the time
it makes me feel
sick inside because
i wanna be here for you
and i wanna keep
holding your hand
but i feel so blue
all the time
i don’t know how
to keep staying alive

i don’t want help anymore
i tried and tried but
nothing ever saved me
and i cried and cried
because i still
wanna die
i love you so much but
i wanna say goodbye
yet still stay by your side

i waste everyday
“living my life”
but i sit here and
wonder what it would be like
if i took my own life
i wish i could get better
but i’m permanently stuck
losing my mind
to the sadness that fills
the blood in my veins
which goes directly
to my brain

last night
you yelled at me
for telling you how i feel
you said you’d stop drinking
but last night
i saw you drink
and last night i saw you
rush to the bathroom
because you were gonna go
throw it all up
you told me you were
so stressed that
at the end of the week
you drink
so that you can feel better
but you judged me when i drowned myself
in drugs to make myself feel better, too

when i fall asleep at night
i dream of the color of your eyes
and how your hands won’t ever hold mine
i dream of your voice and your laugh
i loved your laugh, it was so full of life

i try to remember our happy times
sometimes i think of you too much and
i start to sink in the pain for the space
that will no longer be filled with your face
like how i won’t get to say
good morning to you anymore
or to tell you how much i hate your guts
and you’d say you love me anyway
and maybe at that moment
you would’ve loved me even more

i feel so lost without you here
i don’t like admitting i won’t ever
get to call you again on the phone
or even the way i felt when i
wanted to punch you in the face
for every word you spoke

at least it was real
at least i could get mad at you
now all i can do is wish you were here
so i could feel your warm embrace
just always remember, please remember
i love you so, i love you so

i miss the way you looked at me
like i was your everything and more
and though you turned my world upside down
you’re the one who made it whole
now my heart’s left behind
and though it’s beating
i don’t feel alive

i miss your hand in mine
i miss all your lies
i miss the nights you’d make me cry
but it was alright, because you were still alive
and that made everything fine