Touch of Breath

You breathe life,
The simple sweet words you had me speak
In time it grew,
Into the solace and peace I needed.

So sweet the sound.
Heart to ear,
Heart to me,
Later I found your heart in me

Lovely is the notion
Thoughts of you,
Acts for you,
My heart beat with you

A moment enough,
Touch of breath.
That moment,
I felt my heart beat in you

                           -Vas Bismark

Sometimes, I wish it were boy.
   A boy who kissed me for the first time.
   A boy who saw me naked for the first time.
   A boy who touched my body for the first time.

Instead, it was a girl.
   She would make me take my night gown off when we would sleep in the same bed.
    She would kiss me and touch me when I had no way of understanding what it meant or why it was happening.

But I let her.
  
See, in my mind, I was finally getting the attention I was lacking from everyone else.
I  finally felt loved.
But she manipulated my innocence by making me think this was all normal.

When it wasn't.

I didn't realize this for 3 years.
3 years of confusion.
3 years of shame.
3 years of abuse.
At least it stopped.

It took another 8 years for me to actually tell someone.
I remember there were very few words exchanged.
No tears.
No hugs.
Unbearable silence.

I remember spending that night crying into my pillow
wondering why nobody cared.
Would they have reacted differently
if it were a boy who had done this to me?

A boy who stole my ability to trust anyone.
A boy who made me afraid to sleep in my own bed.
A boy who stole my ability to think of my own body as a temple.
A boy who took advantage of my desire to be loved
   and then made me feel unlovable.

But it wasn't a boy.
                 **It was a girl.

Touch me,
it doesn't matter where
and it doesnt matter how
I need to know I'm still alive
so someone touch me now
Shake my hand and say hello
or pat me on the back
kiss me on the cheek
that I may feel this sense I lack
slap my face and pull my hair
make me bleed I just don't care
dig your nails into my skin
so I can feed this need within
I've been numb for such a time
that even pain would be sublime
so touch me, touch me now
I don't care where, I don't care how

I know what time it is
At your place five past three
Night’s thinning for goodbye kiss
You are sunk in poetry!

Moon seeks recline to west
Stars are craving dawn of sun
Yet your mind hasn’t found rest
Chasing words on the free run!

Go to sleep angel tarry not
Before the fire burns you whole
For the coming day spare a thought
Close eyes till the night is coal!

You need to stop before hours grow small
Birds wake up in dewy rain
Rest my angel can’t catch them all
Your poems of joy and pain!

The core turned darker, crumbling
away, rotten decay, turned bumbling
by delay, started tumbling, started
falling, fallen, stopped
working.

Water reaches places, fire just can't,
to work poorly, to fail, to scant.
Replace the inner parts, at least
try to revive this metal fleshy beast.

If green is gone and brown has come,
you know you've stayed too long.
If your legs are flickering, turning numb,
you know it's time for a different song.