As I watch bubbles trickle
from the flow of this stream,
I see them become
formless in their dissipation
and rip at the seams
as my psyche lets go
of expectation
and accepts that
this world is imbued
in a chaotic formation:
showing that all is in flux,
and it opens me up
to the openness of love

I am not here to question
the stars above
or the reflex of my thoughts,
I am merely a child of the earth,
learning how to break through
endless resistance
to cycles that can’t be bought
because nature is
a wild mistress;
her message is everything
and nothing, without regret

She bears the fruit and the pain
so I’ll give up on control
and instead believe
that every instance
is right on time
and the sufferance
is only in my mind

I have no hold
over anyone or anything
except the adaptability
to look within and find presence,
and only when it remains
will I be set free
from desires that threaten
a humble existence

My fingers are missing
from the hand I used to hold,
there is no intertwine
as the inconsistency grows
through resentment
and memories
even though my memory
is shot from years of
doing drugs, I still recall
the blankness in her stare
when confronted with
the option of run or love

I thought it would be
a simple answer
after the dedication
of ten years, but it seems
I’m left in a one-sided affair:
no, it’s not fair, but nobody
said life would be that way,
so let the heaviness give way
to singularity and
personal growth
as I learn about my own
consequence,
about what it means to
finally let go

Are we here to believe?
Or do we live to
grasp for comic relief?
There is no telling
what’s right or what’s true
only feelings that we attempt
to hold onto
when they’re in a constellation,
fleeting over the moon

Like shooting stars
with no true destination,
holding a well of wishes
that we make in desperation
with hope things will be different
as their light reflects
over the edge of an ocean
crashing and moving
as our wish turns into a notion
burning out in the sun
before it’s even begun
and we dive in

Because all we can do
is love and embrace
the hits of the waves
pulling us into a rave
of drowning, only to devour
and gasp oxygen
back into our lungs
as we hit the shore
begging for that star
to give what we already have;
the natural peace exuding
in our empty parts,
and nothing more

Our worlds were mixed
like a glove with
the perfect fit
until I fell away
into demons that were
only there to satiate
a temporary fix,
and now that I have
broken free of their chains
I can accept the mendacious
nature of my past apologies;
now I can encapsulate
how dreamers sometimes
forget to breathe

So I’ll keep watching the way
you float in detached grace
not only for you, but also
for me: it’s no longer child’s play,
there is no more blinking
in regard to capturing
the ascension we need,
in regard to securing
your heart and faith

Like water in my veins
answers are converging
with my bones-
I want to re-assess that fitment,
to be your wholesome trace
and hold onto our sacredness
until it is in togetherness
where we embrace
the ever pulling unknown

The pedestal has crushed
from underneath everyone’s feet,
I am now vacant of all elaborate hope
that allowed the pendulum to swing
a presence swept 100 miles away
into a stream of memory

left with such unrest
I will gorge on rumination,
fill my cup with self-neglect;
loathing in the winter breeze
I can only hope to endure
every moment into its next

My head pleads,
"you moved away,
but forgot to move on”
and despite the emptiness it creates
my heart still wants to say,
"goodbye, and so long”

You burn me like the sun,
blind until morning comes
that skin is tinged with blisters:
it’s an overwhelming glare that forges
composition with my eyes
until I’m dancing with the synthesis
of you and winter,
once more trapping us within the night,
where I rely on the false comfort
of your light

If we are stuck in this petulance,
I will dispel your volatile plans
with my unending distrust
while my mind strives to digress
into half formed math problems,
calculating an answer as to how
I let you pass by the line I drew up
while vying for our sanity to be wasted
so cycles can once more begin anew
owing to spring and it’s eternal bloom

Was it designed this way from the start?
Were there ever words kept to heart?
Do I cling to the safety of warmth?
Or listen and surrender
to this mountain
where passerby boast
about its peak as a safe haven,
absent of fear

So I tread alone
with a struggle of heavy breaths,
as the thought of settling for less
leaves me in scorn, once again,
I’ll redirect this energy into resolve
to keep a steady pace
where lines will be drawn
with a permanent pen
and I’ll learn to fan the flame
of this burning sky
that I call letting you in

Everyone has a dream
brewing inside their head,
wishing to quash
the day-to-day
that we all have to dread:
it’s hard not to feel stuck
inside of a revolving door,
hard to escape
consumerism
that wants to make us
think we are poor

At the end of each sunset
comes another rising moon
to some it’s just
a time for sleep,
others it is an unbearable
silence, a deafening clarity
that we are truly all alone
because nobody will ever
see the way our insides tick
and form into afterthoughts,
never to begin

Still, the clock is spinning,
our minds keep spilling
thoughts we appreciate,
others we regret-
the endless war of
waging through mental states
to endure physical reality again
as we get up in the morning
with another attempt
at facing the blinding light,
the arduous day-to-day,
leaving our dream behind
that only wants to
breakthrough, and come alive
within this means to an end