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Aug 2021 · 65
Kaleidoscope vision
Cc Aug 2021
The day you came back into my life
I remembered how beautiful the sun could be
Cc Aug 2021
Who knew it would take so long to move on from someone you gave your entire soul to.
Aug 2021 · 211
That was before
Cc Aug 2021
just get up
you’ve done it a thousand times before
what changed.
Cc Aug 2021
i’m so distractingly alone
i guess you were the only person who really understood that
Aug 2021 · 234
5th of august
Cc Aug 2021
It was your birthday yesterday.
Hope you celebrated well
If you’re still alive
Aug 2021 · 86
Shallow
Cc Aug 2021
I made myself have a panic attack
Because nothing made sense inside
Jul 2021 · 72
It was never love
Cc Jul 2021
He begged me to let him go
Knowing how it would break me
Called me cruel and selfish
And yet I cared for him
More than I ever thought capable
Jul 2021 · 220
I cant give everything away
Cc Jul 2021
One day you’ll realise he never cared.
That day will be the most awful liberation you’ll ever have
Jul 2021 · 732
Roommates
Cc Jul 2021
I know I’m a terrible person
Trust me, I have to live with myself.
Jul 2021 · 217
Untitled
Cc Jul 2021
I cant take criticism
Which is totally a me problem
Just ends up hurting people that’s all
Cc Jul 2021
I’m at a weird place in my life
Where I have to decide if it’s better to be crying
Or feeling nothing at all
Jul 2021 · 250
Vis a vie breaking me
Cc Jul 2021
I guess I just want to know you’re hurting
Or at least cared
Jul 2021 · 68
that funny feeling
Cc Jul 2021
i spend more time fearing myself and wishing I was different
than hating the person who ruined my life
i force myself to act sad so people know I'm not alright

im hurting the people who love me again
like a washing machine on rinse
i repeat

sad songs are more appealing than a full meal
i can't remember the last time i looked in the mirror and felt real

i throw around terms of diagnosis because im scared to know its real
i joke about my problems because its the only way i can feel

i spent three months completely numb and didnt really care
i lie to my therapist about how im doing because its easier staying here

my mum looks at me like a stranger
where did her little girl go

dad doesnt really speak to me
the distance will just grow

im stuck in my room, my mind, my life
im stuck with a key in my hand
Jun 2021 · 81
If I could
Cc Jun 2021
I won’t **** myself
I couldn’t
But...
Jun 2021 · 2.4k
Are you tired of me yet
Cc Jun 2021
Why don’t you answer me anymore
We’re in love
Aren’t we
Apr 2021 · 79
Déjà Vu
Cc Apr 2021
its getting bad again.
its getting bad again and i dont know how to stop it.
Mar 2021 · 184
Thanatophobia
Cc Mar 2021
I am so scared to be alive
How is it possible to fear the very concept of life
I am breathing and I am alive and I am scared to stop doing that.
But to call it a fear of death? That would feel cheap.
I am not afraid of dying, I’m afraid of living.
Mar 2021 · 65
Lacerate the brain
Cc Mar 2021
I have scars upon scars upon scars upon scars
And I wish
I wish I could show you them
Feb 2021 · 84
Your move
Cc Feb 2021
We danced around the prospect of responsibility and blame
I knocked out a white pawn, your king took the game
We set up the pieces time and time again
I’ll never tire of playing this charade
Where we beat each other by how hard we can play
pretend.
Emotions are pawns and manipulation knights
Our queens are memories and our kings are lies.
Just one more round, one more fight
One more night to promise it will be alright.
I lose more than I win
You set up the game.
I’m trapped
And that’s okay.
Feb 2021 · 813
Bad guy
Cc Feb 2021
I will not be the bad guy
You can take what you want from me.
I never really cared about it anyway.
Cc Feb 2021
He stole my emotions and capacity to trust;
I stole his favourite band and ability to listen to his favourite song.
Even Stevens.
Feb 2021 · 70
When he’s gone
Cc Feb 2021
And when he’s here
He’s messy and human
and clumsy with my heart.
He’s quick to anger
And even quicker to push me away.
When he’s in my arms
His love is irritating
Nauseating
All encompassing.
He gets under my skin
Pushes his way in
And once he’s there he makes it clear he won’t leave

But when he’s gone
Oh when he’s gone
The sky falls apart and I forget who I am
Cc Jan 2021
You’ll tell them how ****** I am. How I hurt you on purpose. You’ll tell them how cruel I became and, hell, they’ll believe it. They’ll believe because the truth is, a part of them always suspected. The truth of the matter is, you cannot believe rumours unless a part of you believes it could be true. And I fit the brief. There always needs to be a bad guy: someone to blame. I never wanted to be your hero but this? This is more than I can take. You will be my bad guy. That’s just how it’ll play out. I’ll sit down to coffee with someone new and your story will spill out. Perhaps in an alternate universe, you became my love. Perhaps you didn’t cause the scarring permanently on my wrists. Perhaps you didn’t manipulate me, and I didn’t manipulate you. Perhaps, just maybe, I kissed you not out of spite- but out of love. Perhaps you hate me now, and perhaps that’s okay. Perhaps no matter what we did we’d always end this way. Perhaps you’re reading this now, throat clenching up. Do you miss me, kid? Have you had enough? Would you ever believe me if I said I cared? Does it matter to you that I’ve cried actual tears. I never wanted to be your villain. And you never wanted to be mine. But perhaps we always knew where this would lead.

The truth is, I’ll continue hurting people. That’s just the way I am. My intentions don’t match up with my actions and that’s what people don’t understand. Like Miss Atomic Bomb and Mr Brightside, a game of cat and mouse I’ll play. With every bitter little heart who will call me the one who got away.
Jan 2021 · 81
Perspectives
Cc Jan 2021
I am hurting so deeply
But it will never matter
Because according to you
I’m
The
Bad
Guy
Dec 2020 · 52
Therefore I am
Cc Dec 2020
I feel so irreparably damaged
As if it isn’t what I’ve lost that matters
But what I’ve got left
Nov 2020 · 49
Untitled
Cc Nov 2020
It’s terrifying to be in a relationship
Where you are always there to support them
Yet know that they will never truly support you
Nov 2020 · 57
Past/present
Cc Nov 2020
I had one good thing in my life.

I had one, solid stable thing

I had smooth skin on my wrist

I had one decision to make

I have one beautiful, intangible regret

I have slept one out of seven nights

I have memories where I wish there was nothing

I have pain where before there was silence

I have no good things in my life.
TW cuts
Nov 2020 · 117
Future thinking
Cc Nov 2020
When I pass you on the street
And you look me in the eye
I hope I’m just another girl

When you’re sleeping with another
I hope you’ll smile and tell her
Stupid things I used to do

Or maybe you’ll forget about us
Maybe that’s for the best
After all, I kissed my best friend not you
You passed the test

You were meant to move on
I was just meant to write sad songs
Nov 2020 · 77
It’s a sunny day
Cc Nov 2020
I’m not okay
I closed my eyes and ran towards a cliff
That hasn’t happened before
I’m scared
You don’t care and I’m scared
Nov 2020 · 54
Matches
Cc Nov 2020
I’m not hiding what I’m trying to do
Every single action tears me away from you
I’m holding the matches in my heart
While staring in your eyes and breaking you apart
You’ll be the gas and I’ll provide the spark
Round and around
Till death do us part
Cc Sep 2020
Smile.
It masks the broken cracks as wrinkles.
Laugh.
Tears turn into happiness.
They’ll never see you-
and they’d never believe you if they did.
Pretend pretend pretend
You’ll believe it too.
Cc Aug 2020
every single time you breakdown in my arms
I care a little less
Aug 2020 · 59
back from the edge
Cc Aug 2020
I lost myself so long ago

i recognise that

I lost myself in fake moments and tender words that left my mind

my soul

numb.

Nothing you do can bring me back
Aug 2020 · 172
masks and facades
Cc Aug 2020
i've found a safe place in your vulnerability

a place where I don't have to pretend to be okay

and you don't have to pretend you're going to stay
Aug 2020 · 55
are you already gone
Cc Aug 2020
it's the feeling of sitting in a car
and watching someone slip through your fingertips

realising that maybe
just maybe

you don't care
Aug 2020 · 48
hate me please
Cc Aug 2020
I'm trying to hold on to a person
who can't admit that they hate me
because I can't let go
Jan 2020 · 75
Don’t go
Cc Jan 2020
Don’t go
****
Don’t go
Give me more of everything I said I don’t want
Nov 2019 · 237
I love you.
Cc Nov 2019
I wish it was you on the phone
calling me back because you felt I shouldn’t be alone
I wish you’d checked twice as I said goodbye
I wish you’d noticed the tears forming in my eyes
I wish you’d understand when I said I was okay
that there was a reason I looked the other way
I wish you could see that the reason I lie
is the same reason, sometimes, that I cry.
Nov 2019 · 496
Apple Juice and Peach
Cc Nov 2019
I want to fall in love with a woman.

I want to push her hair back with my fingers and taste starlight on her lips.

I want to smell the summer spent by her side on her pale, paper like skin.

I want to stare into her eyes and see a world full of beauty and laughter.

I want to experience her voice like butter, running down my skin.

I want her to trace words into my skin with her sighs and carve them into my heart with her screams.

I want to crumble at the world and know her arms are there, strong like a rock and soft as a tear.

I want to fall in love with a woman.
Inspired by emotions triggered by She by Dodie
Aug 2019 · 82
My ghost
Cc Aug 2019
You are already gone in my mind
So tell me,
What is the point of wasting tears on a ghost.
Aug 2019 · 168
Disappeared
Cc Aug 2019
I don’t think
even I would care
if I disappeared.
Cc Aug 2019
I’ve lost myself in the addictive mess of ****** desire.

i’ve wrapped myself in the deadly sweetness of sin

So that when I take that away
I’m left bleeding in the sheets

With no want to clothe myself
in the love I don’t deserve.
Jul 2019 · 263
Actor
Cc Jul 2019
I am so
Crushed
That I could not care less as you stand there sobbing.
Jun 2019 · 1.2k
Walk away
Cc Jun 2019
Watch me walk away
I’m smiling
You don’t know it
You never will
But I’m smiling
And I hate myself for it.
Jun 2019 · 630
Liar liar
Cc Jun 2019
I’m not a liar
Not to you
So please don’t ask why I cannot look you in the eye
When I plead that I love you.
Jun 2019 · 261
You chose her
Cc Jun 2019
My hand was open
But you,
You chose her
Closed fist and everything.
Jun 2019 · 336
Fade
Cc Jun 2019
i watched you fade away from me.
your hand wasn't mine
and my heart wasn't yours.
Jun 2019 · 181
you decide
Cc Jun 2019
its not me.
its not me, its not me, its not me
Jun 2019 · 370
I'm the villain, love
Cc Jun 2019
ill love you again and again without fail
but it's not enough is it?
love doesn't fix wounds
and I haven't got the patience to watch you heal.
Jun 2019 · 225
Just
Cc Jun 2019
Just stay awake
Just keep talking
Just pretend you love me
Just hold on
Please
Everything is so much scarier in the dark, love.
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