You may have died young,
        but as long as
        my words live,

*You will never grow old.

your worth, it is nothing
you are nothing
you are nothing comparable
how can someone be compared?
you are unique to the highest degree
there is no definition for your beauty because your looks are more than a couple sentences
not only your looks
but you
look at you
look at you on the inside
do you see all the power you possess?
from every weakness you may have
to every strength you have
from every acne scar
to every single muscle which may or may not be defined
you are powerful in every sense of the word
you are powerful because you are human
you are powerful because you were made to be great
you are powerful
you are dynamic
you are wonderous
you are absolutely extraordinary
you are a story that I would love to read
you are more than how you view yourself because I view you as heavenly
you are absolutely breathtaking.

repeat after me,

I am absolutely breathtaking
I am absolutely breathtaking
I AM absolutely breathtaking




you are...
                  
                    a million things that cannot be put into words.

Love #1
He liked me, i liked him.
This lasted for a while.
Summer came, he left.
He got a girlfriend, and forgot about me.

The next school year,
We made eye contact in the hall all the time
He texted me and apologized
I forgave him
and when he and his girlfriend were over
He came running back to me
I welcomed him with open arms.
This only lasted part of the summer.
Things were getting tense
and we stopped contacting each other.

A year later
When i was "talking" to someone new
He apologized again
I think he was jealous, to be honest.

We never spoke again.


Love #2
I thought he was cute
I only fantasized about him liking me
Then it came true
He pursued me, and i liked it.
We went on a date before our first date

He held my hand that day
and forced his lips upon mine.
Not how i imagined my first kiss.

We went on dates
but stayed in the car most of the time
I thought i could control things
and not go too far.
I tried to stop multiple times
yet somehow he just kept enticing me.
After he got what he wanted (not what you are thinking)
He dumped me.
He said we could still be friends
but i mean, that was unrealistic.

We never spoke again.


Love #3
He makes me happy
We are best friends
He held my hand at the beach
and kissed me on the cheek.
That was only for one day.

We continued to be best friends
We went out by ourselves and
he made no indication that we were more than friends.
Weeks went by.

Then after our AP test we went to eat together.
We also went on an adventure.
That was the best day of my life.
We went up a mountain and went on a little hike.
It was hailing and we were sitting close under a towel for protection.

That would have been the perfect time to kiss me.
But he didnt.
And i respect that.

He takes things slow
unlike Love #2.
patience means you're in it for the long run.
Things are going well
and I think we could actually have a good future together.
Im excited for it, love.

to read someone like a book
you would have to stay
reading until the end

Another night set to be stuck in your head
Where your heart stabs at your consciousness
begging for you to listen
and your mind whispers just hold
on a little longer
Until this storm passes
You've always had a hard time standing still when someone looks at you with soft eyes and open arms
It's best to run
until your chest feels tight
and your lungs fill with lost love letters
Touches can be void of affection
and feel so much better
than if they were laced
with expectations and promises
and fear
So turn over your pillow
so it's cool side presses against your skin
and pretend you're not alone tonight

You sat on the other end of the table
Glistening, shining, and taunting me
Rosy cheeks with spurts of Yellow and Green
Silently teasing
A juicy, little Apple.
Hopefully no one would see me, no one would pay any attention
As I grabbed the treat and the knife
And began to dangerously peel.
I knew I was doing it wrong
My hands shaking while my cheeks began to flush
Embarrassed by my ignorant inadequacy.
Are you left-handed? she asked from my left.
Humiliation filled the corners of my eyes, wet and distraught.
No, I mumbled. My cheeks reflecting Mose's Red Sea.
I was beginning to drown.
Your thumb needs to move, You make me nervous,
and she sounded nervous indeed.
Put it down here. Help yourself control it. Guide it.
Everyone was staring now, the whole table awed
My ignorance showing, like a medallion at my chest
My shameful Apple as pathetic proof.
You're doing it wrong.
Non così. Basta, faccio io.
Let me do it.
You're about to graduate, and you can't peel an apple.
I began choking, drowning in tears of Humiliation.
No, let her do it the small Voice on my left said.
She is finding her way. Let me watch her.
I finished peeling the Apple
Suffocating my tears as I ate.
You remind me of Daisy, she said soon after
From The Great Gatsby.
I choked and laughed, more ashamed than ever.
I'm not sure that is a compliment.
I could barely muster a mumble.
She couldn't do anything by herself.
She looked at me, gentle and forgiving.
I think it is, she replied
Wistful and Wise.
Daisy was vital to the story, you know.
And I believe that given the chance, she could have done anything that she wanted
*On her own.

reminders for tomorrow:
wash my hair
don't eat ******
don't be ******
smile at the stranger
slow down
be better than today
do a facemask
call the financial aid department
apply for a credit card
look at clothes you can't afford
buy something you can't afford
go to the gym
or don't
but cancel your membership
go to yoga
look up what namaste means
don't be ******
email people your new phone number
make friends
smile with more than just your mouth
wear something comfy
relax
take patrick and leo to golf
patience is key
let them look out the window
be on time
hug leo when he cries
hug myself when I cry
don't cry
don't be ******

I want to be inside every girl you ****** before me,
show you the birthmarks you never noticed
shaped like canoes and rocketships.

I will get her chest to rise, then fall,
steal the very source of her breath and curl my fingers
around it –
into dough, how you never could knead.

I have my hand on her throat
because you hated when she would talk.
We could work together, tie her hair into a knot.

I just want to be inside the girls who have intestines
like cotton candy and ******* like watermelon
explain why you should
have loved her as a woman sometimes.

You say you prefer my skin, and the way I whimper
but maybe you just did not
**** her hard enough.

An acrobat of love is she,
who contorts,  sensing
which way he loves to move,
constantly making spirited coos.