and in that darkness
i made the best decision of my life;
to sit next to you
so i could lean over
and we could talk about our lives,
our families,
our friends.
and in that same darkness
i made the worst decision of my life;
to realize where we were
to feel the music stretch my heart
to see you in that dress
and not take you by your hand
and ask you to dance

and with my luck,
it probably would have made all the difference

and now i’m all alone
and i wish i would have leaned over
and said:
"i know i have just met you,
but in
one month
six days
four hours
and
twenty-six minutes
i will have fallen
completely and utterly
head over heels
in love with you"

I will always love you
I’ll always love the way we met
in that perfect moment of my life
not one second too early
or too late

I will always look upon our early weeks
as one of the best times of my life
the way you were on my mind
as the first thing when I woke up
and as the last before my head hit my pillow

I will always love the mixtape I made you
one song a day
I still keep the tracklist in my wallet

I will always remember the dress you wore
when my eyes first followed you
as you walked into the room
the galaxy pattern
permanently burned into the inside of my eyelids
in a good way

I will always remember
the times at camp
when we burned our ropes
when we baptized you in muddy water
and watched the stars on the basketball court

I will always remember that one night
where amongst people we barely knew
I finally told people how I truly felt -
how simply living exhausted me
enough to drag blades across my skin
and you looked me in the eye
and let me talk
because you knew that all I really wanted
was to finally talk to someone who would listen
then you said how you felt inadequate
and how you felt like you’re not beautiful
I will always remind you how ridiculous that thought is
because you are abundant in both categories

I will always remember how we stopped talking
how I’d be lucky to see you once a month
but I’ll always love the way
we talk like nothing has happened
every time we see each other
however sparingly

I will always remember when I found out
that your busy life
meant that a relationship was the last thing you needed
and that I was just a friend to you

I will always love you anyways
that special kind of love
that doesn't crave or lust or yearn
instead waits patiently
for you to walk back in my life

you make my heart feel warm in a way
that doesn't ache when you’re not around
but cherishes every second that you are