I am lost and I am utterly confused
I see no purpose for continuing to be

I’m find myself back in this
grey
soul-*******
enervating
seemingly endless
pit of uncertainty

at least if you fall to hell
you are sure of your damnation
but to be both
teased by paradise
and groped by apocalypse
I feel
is the worst of the three

he will never love you
the way i can

the way we talk
we know each other better in under a month
than you two
in seventeen
our souls are intertwined tighter
than he can ever hope to hold you

his love is shallow
i am the Marianas
if he is the sea
i am the Pacific in all its entirety

in his banks you can barely dip your feet
you can sink ships in mine
he can kiss your lips
but **** it

so can i

he can hold your hand
but can he hold a conversation

he loves you under a veil
i’d love you on a stage
he loves you with his skin
i love you with everything i have

he loves the way you look and feel
i love the way you think
you speak
you laugh
you love
and everything in between

he will never love you
the way i do

does he know about your mother
why the ink is on your skin
does he really know
what you keep within

does he love you past the tips of his fingers
or the palms of his hands
does his love extend past the reach of his arms

does he love you when he can’t hold you

he loves you like brushing his teeth
or getting a bagel at the bakery across the street

he loves you like his thursday evening tv schedule
or how he waves to his neighbours on their porch

he loves you like the way he dots his “i”s
and how he never forgets to cuff his jeans

he loves you
like a routine

he loves you like the scent of his sheets
or the way the couch sinks in the only spot he likes to sit
he loves you like the way your name rolls off his tongue

he loves you
only because he’s used to it

he loves you like his favourite watch
or tie

he loves you like the mug he puts coffee in
or the pen he likes to write with

he doesn't love you
he prefers you

i will never love you
the way he does


despite being separated
by skyscrapers and apartment buildings
miles of asphalt
brick walls and chain link fences
sheets and clothes
in between us
we felt so close
by knowing its the same sky
we were both looking at that night
and nothing can stand in the way of that

i know by the look in your eyes
the way you ever so softly speak
the way your letters form into words
into sentences
into paragraphs
into poetry

that you will never love him
the way you love me

i don't know if its love or lust
(maybe a combination of the two)
but both halves of me finally agree
that they would be terribly
and perpetually incomplete
if our eyes fail to lock
if our fingers do not intertwine
if I do not follow the road
from your collarbone
up to brush the stray lock
off the side of your face
then end up comfortably at the small of your neck

it'd be a tragedy
of shakespearean proportions
for our lips to not have the pleasure of
getting acquainted
how stale the air is
when we do not share the same breath

it's a sickening thought
that the curve of your back
and my calloused hands
simultaneously exist in this point in time
but may never piece together
like a jigsaw puzzle
****** to incompletion


that the amber of your eyes
and the mahogany of mine
may never find their way to each other
i'd rather not have lived

at all