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I look behind me, and the soft blur steadies slowly, squinted my eyes a few more times and I now see clearly. It’s a broken bridge, there's a hollow gap, a deep emptiness that separates us. We used to share intimate little spaces, strange but familiar darkness, the perfect amount of comfortable silence. I used to fill your cracks with these tiny flowers that grow in my mouth, and you use to fill mine with warm fuzzy stars out of your pocket. I wonder if I left cold spots when I left your bed, I wonder what do you use to fill them with? I left you with a lot of trinkets, I wonder if you still see my glassy eyes when you hold them close. I wonder if my name shoots arrows in your delicate chest when it's mentioned. It haunts me, consumes me, not knowing what you think of me. I'm screaming in whispers when I confront this humdrum fever. I look at you, and I can't tell anymore what brings you peace during times of high tides? Where do you surrender your tired hands? When do you seek an honest slumber? How do you mask your woes? Why do you play those songs? I can ask, you can tell, we can talk, but I would not really know the true answers and all that you and I both know, is that we are nothing but the previous pages, nothing but the bullet casings, just empty husks of all the things that once were there. We're just living each of our little lives day by day, in ways we no longer share. It's not sadly poetic, it’s simply the reality that I chose to create. I don't' know, I guess today is just one of those days that I remember you. I remember us.
Late night musings and a warm cup of tea
Adoring artworks and thinking about thee
As I welcome the sunrays softly greeting goodmorning
The birds chirping, oh what a beautiful timing

A light drizzle upon the break of daylight
This is just what I need, I feel the universe smile
And in moments like this I'm in euphoria
In little things, my tiny dreams, this is love - nothing but amazing.
Today, the color yellow reminded me of you.
It reminded me of your fondness with mangoes
It reminded me that those memories were real
I could feel the humid sea breeze brushing through our sandy skin
I felt the coldness of the stark night when I was gazing through your shadow
The beautiful architecture of your face, and your lanky frame.
We owe it to ourselves, not the stars that blanket us
The beautiful disaster, that we have become...
Dare I say that the softness of your voice
brings unwarranted warmth into my core?
Dare I say that your gentle touch
leaves me breathless, wanting for more?

And I stared at your fingers with deep longing
When you held them up in your mouth
To puff your thousandth stick of cigarette
And I looked away just as you caught my gaze

I lay awake, naked in my bed
Thinking of the ways we could ruin it
Thinking of the ways I could run my tongue
Against every inch of your supple skin

But you are gone, just a passing comet
A speck of dust in this massive Universe
And I'd stare at the night sky only to remember you
But knowing you'll never again be passing by

...At least, not in this current lifetime.
I feel like I'm so close to choosing eternal numbness over constant despair.
I no longer see triumphs in any harvest I tend to reap
The basking in the effervescent day star no longer promises true warmth
There are million paths and highways to take yet nothing is more inviting

Than a blade dipped with Reaper
Than free-diving 50 meters below
Where is my glass of warm milk before I sleep?
Instead, I gaze upon this wreath of disappointment.
Where did it go? The peached-colored sky that wrapped
Our innocence in vulnerable delicacy.
I want to find that face again that makes my blood hotter
Each time it inches into mine.
I said, one last puff of smoke before I close my eyes
and when I opened them, it was almost like it did not happen.
They say I should try to make the feeling come alive
In other terms, and I've tried seventy-seven times to light it up
The bulb that blew its fuse within my ribcage - but to no avail.
I no longer sang the lullabies that put me to sleep.
I no longer walk along the pavements of what I use to call home.
I am no longer me and you are no longer you.
We swear we would try to not become the haunting characters of tomorrow.
Yet here we are, stuck in these paper towns.
Run when you can, I tell myself. Destroy the fire and vanish in the dark.
Let’s make a deal that I’ll get over you and
you’ll think about me every day
Let’s role play you- not being an *******
Or pretend that I don’t have addictive tendencies
And want us to happen 100000 more times
It gets better and then it gets worse
and then it gets better but I’m gonna be like
Nah, I don’t trust anything, I don’t have faith in anything.
When I look into your eyes; all I’ll ever see are future disappointments
But what difference does it make?
I’ll let you hurt me beautifully in all ways imaginable
I know I can count on you to let me down
But in all actuality, it’s not you; it’s my shattered fantasy of you.
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