Ralph Bobian

Ralph Bobian Feb 18

..Reminiscing..
Thinking back on all the memories
And priceless times that I had
And how I should’ve valued in the moment
every moment that’s passed
But ****..
I never thought this feeling young for so long
would end up passing by me so fast..
What I promised myself everyday for tomorrow
Now lies dead in the past
..I guess life needs to give you a reality check
But now I’m looking for closure
Stuck in the dying days of my youth
Fighting this losing battle
of trying not to get older
I’m colder
because of it
Can’t stomach it, can’t run from it
& can’t be done with it
Unless it’s done with you
But that’s life..
or at least from my experience
Rarely does it leave you
feeling left in a bliss
Rarely does it leave you
feeling west of what is..
Who could’ve expected this?
No one
And yet we all experience it
At least one way or another,
So it’s one foot in front of the other
Next day after another
Stuck chasing after the memories
we reminisce with each other
****…

#reminiscing #nostalgia #youth #age #memories

Ralph Bobian Aug 2022

Tired

This life ****…
Man it’s exhausting..
I don't think anyone has any idea how tired I’ve been.

So let me explain...

I'm tired
..I’m tired..
******* I'm tired...
I'm ******* tired.
Tired of life.
Tired of crying.
Tired of whining
..Tired of trying.
Tired of trying to try
only to fail
to keep trying.
Tired of feeling like
the only reason I'm alive
is to try and avoid dying.
Tired of being the only one
that thinks I don't deserve
the talents that I have
that I constantly keep denying.
Tired of thinking
that even if I were to show my talents
then you people would think I'm lying.
Tired of keeping everyone else motivated accidentally,
when I can barely stay inspired I'M TIRED..

…

Tired of thinking I dream too big
Because everyone else is thinking smaller.
Tired of being different
than anyone else that I'm around
and feeling I don't belong here.
Tired of all my goals
being too big for most to grasp
because my thoughts are always broader.
Tired of my own dreams
always being out of reach
and making me feel alone and awkward.
Tired of being annoyed and peeved
and on the edge at any little thing
that makes me bothered.
Bothered at the fact
that I'm tired of being tired
and can't stop my thoughts from wandering.
Tired of losing sleep
over trying to catch some rest
and can't seem to catch my breath
or take a break
even if it's offered.

I'm ******* tired.
Tired of not being on top
and feeling like quitting.
Tired of everyone always
Seein me dry my eyes.
Tired of feeling like I'm a walking relapse.

I'm ******* tired.
Tired of working my *** off
non-stop,
and drowning in pity.
Tired feeling like all I do
is complain and whine
Tired of thinking negative
when I know I don't need that.

...******* tired.
Tired of having four ******* items
in three different pawn shops
in two different cities
and one ******* thing on my mind
with zero positive feedback.

..******* tired..

Tired of people thinking
that I'm thinking
that I'm ******* special
even though I know
I'm not the only one
that's lost in doubt
or stressed the **** out in life.
Tired of venting into these notes in my phone
like it's my only revival.
But it seems to be the only way
that I can confess and unwind
and get this stress out my mind though..

So thank you for letting me lay down
these lyrics that I’m writing
So I can put these thoughts to sleep
and finally rest them in peace
to expire
So I can stop being tired
… Peace ✌🏽

Ralph Bobian Apr 2021

Weather Patterns

Am I just waxing poetic
Trying to mask the aesthetic?
Still painting the black skies that hover
over you in my presence as ****..
Ya your grey clouds are electric.
Oh it’s just part of your charm?
This toxic personality storm
acid rain down on me
And when it’s raining it pours
Oh please excuse the floors
It’s just their personality flood
See caution tape at the doors
To avoid at all costs
Their hazardous conditions that pour
that cause their thunder to roar
crashing down on me, lightning
All because I struck a nerve
All because I’ll never learn
All while I try to endure
Over and over again..
You'd swear I’m chasing the storm
keeping my head above water
In the same flood you created
That you stand knee deep in denial.
Your crashing waves pull me under
..No more chance of survival,
Just another dead body
Washed up to the shore
This what you wanted or no?
What was all of this for?
The only thing that’s for certain
At least I know is for sure…

You may have broken my spirit..
*But my soul has weathered your storm

Mental olympics......

#relationships #toxic #fighting #couples #denial

Ralph Bobian Feb 2021

Optimism

..Optimism..
What is optimism?
Optimism is when honest isn't...
It’s when you say that word
Cuz what you keep wanting to happen
Ends up happening different..
It’s when that night demon in your head
Keeps taunting you in your bed
By telling you to give in
but you refuse to listen
and talk back to it instead like
“Hey everything happens for a reason”
Ya keep on dreaming…

..Optimism..
That’s when you try to make lemonade
out of the lemons that life has handed you
even though they’re rotten..
That’s when you pour cold water
over the dead flowers you’ve been gifted
only to watch them drown
when you just wanted to make them blossom
That’s when you look at your own glass as half full
But ignore the poison in the glass
that’s it’s half full of regardless

…Optimism...
When the hope that you’ve always had
slowly turns into denial
until you deny that you have no hope
And it becomes a cycle for you to cope
With something you can’t let go of
Even when you know it’s long forgotten...

Ya it’s easy to say “sky’s the limit”
when you’re only keeping your chin up
Because you refuse to see
that underneath you
Is rock bottom

Optimistic -> caustic until you’re drop-kicked
into a neurotic mental hardship..
so… what is optimism?

Simply put:
..Optimism is toxic..

#optimism #denial #toxic #lies

Ralph Bobian Apr 2017

Self Destruction

The louder I speak
The more quiet my voice
I swear it's my silence
That's deafening...
The weight of my own denial
Has me weak to my knees
Cowering
until the pain forces me
To react carelessly
....Destructive...
..destructive..
Is it in my nature?
Daily I question how I can make it
Without counteracting
Every choice
that I'm making
Or every opportunity
That I'm waiting
On....
Why am I hurting the ones that I love...
When I don't even meant to?
Why do I continue to pick
at my scars from the past..
when I know there's no need to..
And why do I damage
all of the thoughts
I've progressed...
When it's all that I cling to
... saddest thing is if I can even admit..
I don't even mean to

Ralph Bobian Jul 2016

Conflict

I'm tired of feeling alone
...I'm tired of feeling alone..
This feeling alone isn't worth it
...unless your feeling alone with a purpose
Are dreams the same as necessities?
Or are my desires..
Contrasting my destiny?

Should we do what we want or do what we need to as humans?

#tired #conflict #legacy #responsibilities

Ralph Bobian Sep 2015

Thoughts of a Hipster

Subliminal but obvious
That I'm indigenous to the populace
Of all the kids that melt their ears
And rot to this
inaudible ****
That we call music...
A dangerous drug
that'll melt your brain
With a repetitive beat
All one in the same.
It's my love ade,
And all drank up
With only hate left
to fill my ear buds...
A generational gap
That I like to act like I have
To stay one step above
The music I hate
That I secretly love.
So tell me you're interests,
I'd love to respond
And show you my insolence
I've already made inner-rest
In thinking that nobody knows
I'm a hypocrite.

Mind of a hipster... blegh

#music #hipster #hypocrite