I can't shake these dreams that wake me with salt in my mouth and puddles on his chest
I wouldn't stray far enough into the dark to call them nightmares
I won't dare call them out by name
I'll go deep enough to whisper that they make embers glow again but I'll close my eyes before I scream at the moon or the corpses I'm lying next to
I'll wander hesitantly through the dates again but I won't admit that my mind might as well be buried with them
Am I in my head or in the coffin
Maybe the one I used to sleep on remains unmarked only because it's waiting for me to finally get some rest
Or maybe I just need to hold my peace I guess

do you ever miss home
do you ever miss the people chanting your name
do you ever miss hearing your name pronounced properly
do you ever miss this shade of red
do you ever miss home?

she's the violent pouring rain.

this lightning strikes the same way every time it rains. the same boy hides every time it blares. his mother stays to shoo his fears. the girl goes outside to see her favorite color.

he said she has gone out of reach. she said she's getting better. he said she should've stayed. she said he should've listened.

his mother sits beside him to soothe his wounds.

he's the smell of the grass after rain,
and she can't stand ending herself.

tonight it got so hard and i called you
saturday, i said

maybe you'd forgive me for leaving you
on that day when you decided not to stay
i'm sorry that you went astray
i just realized that i did too

i'm sorry that i had the heart to ask for forever
without asking myself how long it could get
we went on our separate ways with our egos above water
with bags of our dreams that were already dead

tonight it got so hard and i called you
saturday, i said
maybe we can find our way back home
maybe i can finally feel not alone

a lot changed since your seventeenth birthday
when you received a brighter smile as a present
after bearing a void for a couple of years

it was a rebound
you jumped back at life
brighter than you ever were

a lot changed since your seventeenth birthday
when you received a fix for your flaws
after being incomplete for a couple of years

but you were more divine
with your inch-long flaw
and i was so in love
with your humble divinity

i'm hopelessly hopeful

i once dreamt of shooting your plane down
and woke up feeling everything right

your laugh begged me for forgiveness
and i struggled to mention that i was glad to have you gone

it's 5 in the morning
you were never the one who keeps me going
but ask me who on earth i turn my head left for,
and wake up next morning feeling everything right

it's 2 in the afternoon and i struggle to see photons bouncing from your lips

wearing light armor of bravery,
turning left was a decision i made
and maybe this war never meant too much
or it was never a war

but i swear i knew,
you were just hopeless enough

i'm tired

you're city lights and waving flags
cheerful laughs and matching footsteps
and i swear the blinking lights almost,
almost made me feel august

you're early morning rush,
blacks around my eyes
lowered gaze, silent greetings
made you lose your augustness

and august, i'm tired
you're soaking me
and the idealist inside of me says
"don't leave before i'm alright"