You tasted it for two seconds
Now its gone
Do you even remember it
Do you even want to change
Was that worth it
Was that food worth the sacrifice
I hope it was
Because honestly you are so stupid..
I hope you learn
I hope you learn to fail better
To fall farther
When you ask yourself,
have you reached your goal?
You are always going to be stuck saying
              Not Yet.

Its hard when you remember
When you get the feeling back
The anxiety
The scale
The lower number
Its hard because you remember
how bad you wanted it.
How bad you still want it.
How bad you still need it.
Remembering how simple it really is
Once you get past your mind
Everything gets easier.

{SM}

Mirrors
Shattering myself into pieces
Sharp edges pointing out all the flaws
I stare at the glassy eyes
I don't know if they are mine
The reflections rip me open
making all of the imperfections
seep through the paper skin
Outlining me in red
Tracing what to fix
Tears bleed through my surface
Stinging my insides
I want this to end
The mirror is killing me.
What's in the mirror is killing me
So I guess I'm killing myself.

{SM}

Health class
We have a strange assignment
I have to write my own obituary
When I want to die
How I'm going to die
Its cruel
I can't answer it truthfully
Because if I did
It would raise panic
So I guess I will have to lie
This isn't the first time

In the pitch black night I lay awake
Staring at this stupid
Screen typing
Another
Stupid
Poem
To
Be
Forgotten

Dancers can't have eating disorders.
We are meant to be thin.
We are made this way
We are made to hide food
to starve
to throw it up
As long as no one sees us
As long as we can fake it
Cause as dancers
We have to fake it till we make it
And we aren't going to make
it if we are as fat as pigs.
People don't like watching hogs dance.
Don't worry the mirrors will tell us if we are the size of a stick or a stump.
So no I don't have an eating disorder
Dancers can't have those.
We are created this way.

{SM}