many colors
many drawings
i made when i was three
but they would break
just like my heart
why would you do this
to me

i rip up the drawings
on my wall
screaming
at the world
but those crayons
the many colors
will always be there
for me

i cry
i scream
i starve
i cut
but those crayons
stand untouched
waiting
and waiting
and waiting
for me
to play with them again

once crisp
vibrant
orange hue so bright
a half eaten carrot stick
in dim twilight.
nibbled edges
now softened
sweet
paused in its journey
not quite complete.

forgotten amidst chatter and tales
shared among friends
as laughter prevails
it sat on a plate
a small sacrifice,
to moments of joy
and life's simple spice

in the fridge's cold embrace it waits
a witness to time
and the closing of gates.
yet in its stillness
it holds the lore
of dinners past
and moments more

a humble root
with much to give
even half-eaten
it yearns to live
in soups or salads
it finds its place
a half eaten carrot stick
full of grace

and when it is eaten
it is no more
but its place is in my stomach
the vibrance no more

depression
is the man lying next to me in bed
he might not be real
but he is there
his cold fingers
creeping up my spine
ready to attack
at any moment

depression
is not liking the things you used to like
like the movies
videogames
or friends
i dont know why
why wont it end
will i end the depression
or will the depression end me

depression
is the lost love
for someone
that you like
but never have the feeling to ask them
when she dated another boy
it only made me sink deeper

depression
is the friends and family
who let you go
in your deepest moments
when i needed them the most

depression
is the knife
on my desk
covered in blood
waiting to strike
me again

depression
is the void
pulling you closer
when you dont know it
like a black hole
trying to swallow me up

depression
is you
its me
its in all of us
but i cant stop it
should i try
or die
that is the question

depression
is a world where i cannot be myself
i feel
like my body
is not good enough
my clothes
my shoes
my hair
my weight
it will never be enough

depression
is windowless room
no light
i cant get out
i cant get out
let me out
let me out

let me be myself
without the void
without the man
without all the little things
let my live my life

leave
me
alone

here i sit
in my bed
the spiders creeping up my wall
i can hear them
they might bite me
but i do nothing at all

what a wonderful friendship!
i thought to myself
i was only more than a babe when i met him
he was kind
he was funny
he was fun to play with
and he was my first
'friend'
as we grew older
i turned five
we started to talk
i remember our first conversation
we talked about dinosaurs
and i thought
what a wonderful
'friend'
and then i made new
'friends'
but they didnt last long
it wasnt long before
they found someone new
and left me to play
in the morning dew
wow
those are some wonderful
'friends'
and then we turned ten
he was still with me
through it all
through my hardships
through my pain
through my sadness
wow
what a wonderful
'friend'
and here we are today
i can see him as i am writing this poem
his first girlfriend
i cannot express how happy i am
for him
and he
is a true
friend.

the void
is coming
i cannot stop it
it feels
like a tugging on my soul
i can feel the cold touch of the hands
creeping up my shoulder
trying to pull down
please save me
the world hurts
why do they hate me
why do they hate me
why am i like this
i hate myself
but i hate everyone around me
but i seem happy
what is wrong with me
what is wrong with me
why dont i get help
save me
save me
the cuts on my arms
that are not there
because i convince myself
that its ok
i dont need to hurt myself
but when im curled up against my wall
crying
because the sorrow is overwhelming
i dont know what is wrong with me
what is wrong with me
save me save me save me
please
please
please
please
the fog is coming
the void is coming
the world is too much
its too much
i hate it
i hate it
i hate everyone
i trust one person in this world
but even he will turn on me in my time of sadness
maybe he wont
but i never know
god
what is wrong with me
i feel like i should stop
but the words just spill out of me
like a bubbling can of soda pop
but why do i feel this way
everything in my life is ok
my family is loving
my 'friends'
my dog
my cat
save me
save me
save me
save me
save me
save
me
please

i wish
my poems were better
people would read them
and think
"what a good poet!"

i wish
that i was better
the best that i could be

i wish
i was cooler
my shoes
my clothes
my hair

i wish
that i was athletic
good at everything

but most of all
i wish
that she loved me
like i loved her

i wish
she didnt say no
and instead
said yes

i wish
i wasnt jealous of her
and the boys she liked

i wish
i wasnt sad
i wish
i wasnt sad

why am i sad
why am i sad
why am i sad

please love me