a
very long
time
ago
mama
said
"Boy don't you know
that
the
blood is thicker
than
the
muddy waters
but
don't
let
your
left hand know
what
the
right-hand
is doing
and
everything
will be ok
now
bring mama
her
bedroom slippers boy"
and
you
can't fool mama

sayang sudah hampir habis dimakan api harapan yang tinggal di detak jantung.

kamu laki-laki yang pernah hampir menyayangi saya, kembali lagi mencari apa yang masih menyangkut di paru-paru saya.

kamu bisa robek dan belah apa yang tersisa dari tubuh ini, robek semua sampai terbelah tulang rusuk saya.

lalu saya akan maafkan kamu lagi,
karena ibu dan nenek melihat cinta sebagai memaafkan berulang kali.

I only feel normal when I’m by myself, adding 1 person and out comes the stress.

I don’t feel it’s right or fair to be this way for the ones I love and care.

I replay our recent times in the front of my mind only to feel like I let them down.

I try to plan ahead pretending I can turn these self-defense mechanisms off.

My wife deserves me at my best, my love deserves to experience the same man that exists alone.

My children deserve to witness and receive an unconditional love without past grief.

My family is my rock and stone, my family that reside within our home.

My wife so strong she fills voids before they can become cracks….

Poetry, brain music, exercise, outdoors, notebooks, research, studying and good routines… a few remedies taken the most!!!

The efficiency room days were
the worst and the best.
Broke and bent,
sick and deranged.
Disheveled dreams, like
horses with broken legs.

There was an occasional
miracle.
A forgotten five-dollar
bill crumpled in the
front pocket of some *****
jeans, lying by the fake
plant and a copy of Hamsun's
Hunger, long overdue from
the library.
The fiver would buy a
pint of cheap *****.
My nerves settled for a
moment.

Friends seem to drift
away by the month.

"Where's Johnny?"

"He froze down at the Raccoon River."

"Oh ****, he was always good for a snort."

"Have you seen Sue lately?"

"The cirrhosis finally took her."

"*******, I used to get drunk and
tell her I loved her, while she gave me head."

Poverty and death drank with us in
those cheap rooms,
Singing sad songs and songs
of victory.
Battles were won and lost
and great debates waged in our
addled minds.
We took care of each other the best
we knew how.
Life was just a myth.

war, war, war, war
a taste of blood
a whiff of cash
left em hooked
they need more

actors on the stage
behind doors, clink glasses
blood sacrifices leave
rubble, dirt, dust, ashes

Generations
Hatred’s Echo
Administrations come
Administrations go