We are not really broken
until we are broken
       and then we mend
and break again
      until our bones
become smashed
to smithereens
mapped into tiny lines
         and cracks
with some darkness
        in between
white matter, crushed
             into jigsaw pieces,
laden with blood, with spit, with silt
until the despair
that fear releases
interacts with self-blame
           and guilt
And how they weigh upon us,
these layers of pain
like heavy blankets
on our contours, in the dark
the maze of our pasts
thick upon us
as we strive to envision
                             a spark
perhaps just a tiny glowing,
at first, a barely felt
shadow of light
a glimmer, a whisper of
           knowing,
a drive urging us on
           to fight
and all of our minerals
rub off in sparkling crystals
as we brush up
against the walls
of that ever-blackened tunnel
as we stumble
and steady the fall
feeling a subterranean rumble
a shifting of perspective
as we battle questions,
spinning thick
into the whirlpool of our yearning
into molten metals, slick
We might think we can snap
                           with the ease
of a lonely brittle star
that tomorrow
could be a tribute,
              in lacerations
to the last trace
            of who we are
but it can happen, as we
sit upon, plan the edge
              of our last breath        
                       deep, subtle beats
                        of truth rise up
                to repel the scent
          of death
and, in pulses of light
                  it drifts
bends in willowy arcs
upon our soul it trips
******* light out
from the dark
and all the sharpened hooks
that kept us chained
         to the abyss
are released as
              we break free
into heaven's rolling kiss
feeling the flutters
of a new, kind breeze upon our skin
as Life's vast impulse
courses through us
     and simply wins
and the only demise
we're mourning
is the death of
          of a dormancy,
a resistance to again
receive and give
as we embrace
those little, precious instincts
that tell us to keep on
and choose
            to live

I tear pages out of other people's scrapbooks,
Pretend I had a normal, happy childhood,
Dance around reality till I fall over dizzy
And my hands shake with the weight of everything.
I spend my life spinning in circles;
I regress and repress and repeat.
I tear pages out of other people's scrapbooks.
I paste up a collage and I name it Me.

I won't be on site for some time. I'm writing the story of my father's life. He's 91 years old. In a power chair due to severe arthritis. Almost completely deaf and going blind. He can't read properly now and, being a very bright man, is filled with ennui. He doesn't know what to do with his time. I want to find out about his life. I know parts which I will put in this poem you are about to read...

My father's not a nobleman
Born a farmer's son
He has not the title Prince
In my heart he's surely one

My father is not tall of build
He's not a rugged man
But on his shoulders as a child
I saw the Earth's full span

My father is not wealthy
Has no Goods to share
But in my heart I know his worth
He is a billionaire
He is not a Wise Man
Has not those gifts to share
But he has a high IQ
Is bright beyond compare

Raised in the Great Depression
He ate the slop for pigs
Now he's a survivor
His grave cancer didn't dig!

He saw Okinawa
Eniwetok's grim atoll
Code named "Ivy Mike"
The Bomb landed on it's shoal

He went to MIT
Far 'above his station'
And he did it with a handicap
A 7th grade education

He is not a saint
He is far from 'pure'
But in my mind he's worth it
His tale should endure

So I will write his story
I believe it should be told
He is a curmudgeon

But he has a heart of gold


♡ Catherine

As I sit in the station
A kid comes into view
Extremely obnoxious
Raunchy and rude
He wears lots of spikes
Has piercings galore
Wears his hair in a mohawk
Biker boots on the floor
My Flesh wants to judge him
As a Punk and a Freak
But my spirit is willing
For Your eyes to seek...

Oh, give me Your vision
Let me see through Your eyes
Let me not judge the lost ones
In no way despise
They could be Your jewels
They could be Your prize
Oh, let me be gentle
Let me see through Your eyes

I go to a restaurant
And there at the place
Stands a derelict person
With pain in his face
He stares at my burger
And it is clear
He's starving hungry
And covets my beer
Do I move from the window
And relinquish my seat?
Or buy him a burger
And french fries to eat...

Chorus

There's a lesbian woman
Next door where I am
She has a Butch haircut
Is hooked with a femme
She has a loud voice
A masculine walk
We never converse
We never talk
We say polite things
Goodbye & hello
But she might be hurting
How could I know?

Chorus

Jesus I'm blind
I'm deaf & I'm mute
I want Your compassion
I want to bear fruit
Let me see through Your eyes
Let me hear with Your ears
Let me speak with Your voice
Assuage all their fears
Give me Your hands
To dry all their tears

Chorus

The enemy waits
To tell them his lies
Let me feel Your mercy

Let me see through Your eyes


SoulSurvivor
(C) 8/31/2016