it has been
three months
and i wonder
why you are still around
to hold me
in your arms

I. I saw the dusty corners in my house
from where all the drawers used to be
and they reminded me of
broken promises and lost memories

II. He was just a boy with a fragile heart
yet he had the ability to break her walls
(and also her bones)
He walked like a wildfire but acted like a gentleman

III. I stared at my empty bookshelves and
I wondered where this was going
People said that I couldn't make
a heart a home so I tried to make
my own house a home instead but
I kept failing
The maids didn't even put my books
in alphabetical order

IV. You told me that you didn't want
to lose me ever but now we're sitting far
from each other and all I can do is watch
as you slowly tear my skin apart

V. My mother said that we need to stay strong
but I can't do it if everything's trying to
pull me into the black hole again

VI. It's cold and I need your warmth so badly
but I'm afraid I'll freeze you
with the wind inside my lungs

VII. You're throwing my heart and watching
as it crashes onto the floor
I hurt my foot with the shattered pieces

VIII. I turned off my light last night
because I knew we both liked it that way
even though you weren't even there with me

IX. You tear me. I love you. You tear me.
I love you. It's okay, I love you.

flowers all over,
pink everywhere
heart-shaped chocolates in the store,
love letters anywhere
it's valentine's day

here i see a young couple
holding hands, fond exploding
between the two
oh little did they know,
love doesn't mean to be eternal

there i see an old couple
sitting far from each other,
two children right between the two
oh little did they know,
what they have is true love

now i sit alone in my room
chocolate with a sign of your name
sitting quietly beside me
lips quivering
oh little did i know,
i'm falling for you more than i should

i sink in the corner
feet dragging themselves
onto the floor
i watch as people pass by
laughing, talking
kissing, hugging
the sky is bright and blue
but the corner seems so dark and black
how do those people
have their smile plastered
on their faces?
how do they laugh
without fear of sadness
coming after them?
do they not feel
the heavy pain that crushes
their rib cage?
do they not fear the unknown
that lurks in the future?
are they not lonely?

because if they don't,
and they aren't,
i'd **** to be one of them.

you questioned the fact
that my body
never get warm
and i couldn't answer,
for i thought
you would leave
so i stayed quiet instead,
and you took me
into your arms
and reminded me
that your body
never get cold

I hate the one part of myself
that forgets to remember
how to stop loving
and missing
you.