I wait by my door
My head between my knees
Hands on my face
My eyes flowing with tears
Rocking and rocking trying to pray
No answers to unasked questions today

I think I think not sure what to say
So low so low with nowhere to go
Shake and let the butterflies out
No room for them in my brain
Pulling my hair just to feel pain
Fresh unfettered scars remain

In my bathrobe I lay
In my bathrobe I stay
Not getting dressed
No reason to care

My door will not open
It is no longer there

I can’t get up it hurts my ****
My knees go out I start to weep
I can’t stay awake
I can’t go to sleep
I’ve done what I can
So now I count sheep

My circuits are crossed
I stay home all day
With nothing to say
I’m lost and alone
So this is my life?
But at what cost?

My mental health is up for grabs
I am bipolar and it plays tricks on me
Sometime I fly more times I fall
So this is my life
I don’t want to play anymore

I take my meds as I should
Sometimes they work
Sometimes no more
Then I spiral down
To dwell in my hell
No one notices.
No one to tell

Don’t remember today
But remember the past
My apartment is not a house
Nor is it a home
So I am alone so alone

Try to read a book
But the words run away
I wonder what they have to say
I’m going shopping at the bipolar store
I need an upgrade but I won’t find it there

My Mind is on the other side of Your soul
The one you think you can control
Your soul is a noxious ghoul
Hiding in that foul waste
I see through your face
I know
Of your tremendous deceit
You create chaos
So you won’t be found
Yet there you are
Peeking around
Breaking in to my mind
So that I will never find

~My way alone~