Streams trickle
Gently through my head
The sun sleeps
But light persists
Strands of my hair
Glisten as I surface
And stars shine
In the drops across my eyes
Soaked white silk
Drapes across my shoulders
Young grass' dew
Dampens my bare feet
And I close my eyes
In an imagined world
And sing gently
Echoes keep me company

Laying back
A breeze calms my breath
And though summer winds grace reality
This morning is autumn chill
Between the rusty leaves of age
A youthful sun softly wakes
My jet black hair in moments gleams
And closed eyes are tempted to stir
The pale of my skin unblemished by scars
Has healed and relaxed again

A vanished smile on my lips
Music through my dark
Caresses my ears as I walk
No urgency
No slumber
Every step content
To fall softly on the earth
That cushions my journey
With no direction
But not needing one
Accompanied by my song
I explore the depths of my mind

I hadn't expected
This to take so long,
So many glitches,
Corruptions,
Distractions,
Delayed these,
Randomnesses,
And as the light faded,
My frustration grew
Until finally,
Every wrinkle was
Ironed out.

Breaths screeching and trembling
As my legs shake and mind drives in
Confused circles around what I need to
Convey with some degree of
Beauty but inside all is
Screaming and strange and over-analysing
Every hair of their eyebrows.

Two-and-a-half tiles
Separate their fourteen legs
Eight and Six in stand-off
At each other's mercy.

A few circles make Six flinch
A flutter of wings but not
Surrender, not yet.

Eight gets braver,
Slipping silently down
Closing the gap to remove the half.

Six's spine stiffens,
Scrambling up, playing chicken,
Daring Eight to strike first
But neither do.

Eight hesitates,
Six waits,
And they turn,
And take with them
Their lives.

You illuminate the fading hope,
The growing darkness forced away,
I was blind, going in circles,
I know it won't work out,
But I want to try anyway.

I'm drowning without you,
Under the ice the heavens are pierced,
Your eyes are my guides,
Override my instinct,
When your heart's beating near.

In my head I'm running,
Dreaming one day I'll find you're mine,
I want you to feel the way I feel,
If you just change your point of view,
We're brighter than the lights in the sky.

Floating off into summer dreams,
That mean more than just days,
And not just an escape.

Not a moment to smile,
Or bask in the haze,
That I made in my head.

Instead a release, not joy,
But hot salt trickles down my cheek,
And I cry without restraint.

And I allow myself to feel,
To be sad, for once, and weak,
To let emotion out and, in turn,
Allow happiness in.

In my head I had it all planned out
How I'd ask her for that dance
I'd rehearsed my smile and tone

But in the end she never arrived
And never took my hand
So I sat alone and watched the others' joy

My throat tightened, choking me
With the pain of pointless time
And after all I went home empty handed, empty hearted.

The sky seems endless on summer days,
And the setting sun takes its time to sleep.
The stars seem brighter on summer nights,
But only with you laying next to me.

I dream a whisper in your ear,
And silences hand in hand,
I wish a glance between our eyes,
Our gazes locking longer than planned.

The dry, sun-baked grass is our bed,
To sleep on with our smiles,
And lips hardly move to whisper the words,
That I'd say to you despite the miles.

There a few things more beautiful
Than an English sunset,
As the pale yellow streaks across stone-walled fields,
Perhaps a squirrel will pop up its head
Or some bird silhouette itself amongst the sky
Before landing softly upon
A tired old oak,
One side shining as the sun's light
dips lower.
And the pale blue goes to purple,
And yellow to orange,
And ducks behind the hill across
The ancient valley - unchanged for so long.

Another chance missed,
Another lost fight,
Yet somehow not all hope has passed,
My mind clings on to the hint of a retry,
But reality will not rewind.

Once again I blame myself,
Then turn to others,
When I know I did all I could do,
Only bitterness remains for those,
Who bested me without effort.

Such resentment in me,
Sickening me,
Tugging at my stomach with guilt,
I should not hate them for their success,
But envy has control.

I've tried to write these words
Four times too many
But here: I tried my worst
Can't think of anything
To put in the postscript
And bury beneath its hollow notes.

I've racked through my brains
Until they were broken
I can't trust my own name
Or the things I've spoken
To send you the right way
Won't let another stray like me.

I can't keep my throat open,
It's closing up,
And I can't stop thinking,
It's not enough
To sing when I'm screaming
At nightmares I'm dreaming might go.

I can't offer you much
But angry souls,
And I know that won't mean much
When I'm gone
But you will keep living
The path you believe in
And that's okay.

So here's my take: empty words
Let you be my epilogue.

So here I come
To tear myself to shreds
To chastise myself for fear

So here I come
To run through the loss
To remind myself how foolish I've been

So here I come
To turn noise into ambiance
To listen for signs of my mistake

So here I come
To get away
To trap myself all over again

In the centre of an infinite darkness,
A speck of grey lit up,
And stretched out in all directions,
In unfathomably intricate arcs,
Etching into the void,
Shapes, patterns, pictures,
Perfectly balanced and fading to white,
Then bursting to yellow,
Flames lighting up the landscape,
Angry, raging, calming,
Settling down into blue-green,
The arcs trickle like ice on a window
leaving trails as they melt,
Until a single drop stains the fabric,
And from it fractals flower,
Creating colour from dust,
Love from air,
And shining in the empty eternity,
Radiating an energy unknown to science:
Life.

Flowers that bloomed on the other side
Are hardly as pure as breath in your lungs -
Breaths which now have ceased and faded as you sleep.
Still your smiling face, blossoms into life.

“Thank you,” I told you, as if everything was fine
Just another day... Just another day.
I’d never really known the meaning of “Goodbye”
But now my heart stands still, and crumbles in my hands.

If I tell the truth, it was all because I want
To hold you hand again and feel the warmth of your smile.

How can I hold back tears when you’re not here while still I can’t stop searching for your eyes?
I thought it couldn’t end but I was wrong - now my forever’s broken on the ground.
Why can’t I see that fire in your eyes? It burned so bright and smouldered out so fast.
And I still don’t know how to save you -
Now one heart beats for two.

I wish I could turn back the time to when “I’m fine” could still mean more than just a lie.
I never want to let go of your fingers, but now they're cold compared to mine.
The voice that cannot speak somehow smiles if I keep watching your pale skin go white.
Still I deny it all to save you,
I close my eyes and you’re still you.

You asked me if I would hold you in my arms,
As you began to fade and your strength began to fail,
But even as your eyes lost their final light,
There painted on your lips: one final smile.

If I tell the truth, all I really want
Is to walk with you again and feel the warmth of your hand.

I’m holding back the tears though you’re not here and still I can’t stop staring at the sky.
I thought it couldn’t end but I was wrong but still I'm searching for you in every star.
Yes, I know that only infinite things can burn so bright without fading to the past.
But I still want to save you,
So my heartbeat’s for you.

I wish I could go back and find when “I’m fine” was spoken as honest as your smile.
So pointlessly I keep holding your fingers though they’ll never close around mine.
The days that cannot come back might somehow keep your lips from turning blue.
So I deny it all to save you,
When eyes closed, you’re still you.

And your imprint will always remain in my soul.

Here we go again, Here we go again,
Cycles have an end, All things have to end,
All except for you, reflected in my heart,
But why do you smile while I cry?

I try to hold back the tears though you’re not here
But still they will fall - because they're all I have left to offer to your shrine.
I know it had to end but I can’t tell if I would rather live or have to die.
I’m longing for the fire in your eyes - I will burn bright and keep your flame alive.
I’ll keep your heart beating with mine,
I can’t let this flat-line.

I promise I’ll be with you now, I don’t know how I could leave before eternity.
I can’t hold back the tears another day! The years won’t take away my memories.
And now the things around turn to colour as I hear your last words again:

“Don’t let your heart fall, I’m still here, I will always be near.
I could never be far from your side: remember me”

Moronic feelings
Led me to this stage
Hyperlectric spotlights burning
Faces into brains
Unrejected homicide
Our side is up in flames
Unelected anarchists
Fell to their own games
Barbaric wreck-hugs
Weakened our domain
Undivided enemies unhated
Blame for bloodstains
Repulsive redefectives
Are all that will remain
But standing in the ashes
A martyred carved grave

Directed erasal
Water on hearts
Leader/Unleader
Science of Art
Oxygen wasted
Life torn apart
This. End. Is. Us. Now.

If I die then I die
Where’s the harm or fun in that?
If I fall I will fly
I inspire truth’s attack

They tried, and failed,
To ease our rage,
With a list of rules for anarchy,
To last through every age.

They tried, and failed,
To control our minds,
With borders, laws and ministers,
To govern mankind.

They tried, and failed,
To give us what we want,
Why submit to these terms,
When we could respond?

They tried, and failed,
To prevent our distress,
Compared to Eunomia,
This state is a mess.

They tried, and failed, to create chaos.
We will restore Order.

We are chasing a beam; a glowing path in the dark
but as we start to get close, we're growing further apart
we're not leading the charge; we're falling into retreat
this is the hour we fall, the day of defeat,
we cannot go on if we just go on to lose
this is our chance, time for us to choose.

We carry love while they bicker and bite.
We share a hug while they share a light.
The fumes in the night are filling the air
but we are a people, and people should care
when their fellows are bleeding and scared,
so we offer all that we can spare.

We hold the flag of justice high,
with all its colours to the sky.
And though we cannot promise new lives,
we can build a home for all to find.
It's time we pull together not apart,
Remember, we all have a heart,
This is our moment to decide,
What kind of world we'd like to start.

We are broken, we are weary,
We are burdened by our fear,
We are searching for support,
But our allies disappear.

There is no use in pretending,
That the road we walk is short,
We can't let one setback stop us,
We must keep our goal in thought.
Don't give in,
We can win,
We must keep on believing.

Yes, we believe even now,
Just one defeat will not tear this movement down,
Perhaps it's the drink in our blood,
But we stand unafraid.

Yes, we keep on even so,
Rewriting all the rules, change all that we know,
Fill the streets with all the people on their feet,
And we'll remain.

And we'll rise with the colours and love in our hearts
Beating fast, beating clear,
And we'll stand hand in hand, arm in arm and we'll shout out the truth:
We won't let hate near,
And we'll dream of a world we long to see,
We believe we can let in the hope,
Let out the fear.

Now we gather ourselves,
Prepare for the night,
We won't fall to the dark,
We will bask in the light,
Even now, we're growing stronger with each simple breath in our lungs,
We stand true, we stand and fight.

It seems we're slipping backwards,
Losing ground, footing, power,
And all the voices, all the opinions,
All the beliefs that shout the loudest
Keep shouting over us
Keep snapping back at us
Keep their hands on our mouths.

But we have marched before,
We will march again,
And our numbers only grow.

It seems we're at the mercy,
Of the polls, or the pundits,
Or the column writers
Or the political correspondents
Whose platforms give them high ground
From which to stamp at our climbing hands.

But we have marched before,
We will march again,
And our numbers only grow.

It seems we're fading away,
Like we were no more than
Dust blown off an old view
An old way of doing things
But we will not settle,
We cannot settle,
For our duty is worth more
Than a few pence a month.

We have marched before,
We will march again,
And keep marching,
Until we are unstoppable.

All laid out,
A shirt, a cardigan, a pair of jeans.
It's all been sorted,
The name, an explanation, a key.
Everything is ready,
Except me.

I was ready,
I planned for months, far too often.
I've waited so long,
Hoping for this day, and now it's here.
Everything is ready,
Except me.

I know it's fine,
Nothing will go wrong, I'm sure of it.
But still the doubt,
The fear never leaves, what if they hate?
Everything is ready,
Except me.

My arms shake,
Not cold, not shocked, paranoid.
But I close my eyes,
Breathe deep, empty my mind, and hear:
"Everything is ready,
Are you?"

Yes. It's time.

Breathing heavily,
Then spluttered screams,
Then broken cries,
And shattered bones,
Spilling blood,
Spears of pain,
Tight throats,
Death.

Don't blame me,
It's always been this way.

I'm sorry I'm a coward,
Forgetful and awkward,
But when you speak to me I'm braver,
And I can't forget your smile.

I'm sorry I worry too much,
And ramble on about nothing,
But when I hear you I know you're safe,
And I'd sit with you in silence forever.

I'm sorry I live so far away,
And I'm sometimes asleep when you call,
But when I see you we could be right there together,
And I stay up for you if I can.

I'm sorry I'm not perfect,
But when you're around it's like the whole world was made,
Just so that we could be in love.

Why do my eyes not wish to rest?
At this fading hour,
This dying hour,
Why am I not longing for bed?
Now the hour is almost dead,
And yet still, my eyes protest,
Against abandoning their posts,
Though they have their orders,
They maintain their stubborn watch,
And the hour is slipping away,
Gently, but quickly,
The hour will not stay,
But my eyes will,
They will stay open as long as they can,
As long as willpower is stronger than
The power weakness holds over them.
Why won't you rest?
The hour is but a shadow now,
And now...
No trace,
But my eyes watch,
As the new hour begins.

There's a face smiling,
One I seem to know but can't place.
She's running in the summer fields,
Laughing in her new dress.

Her mother's watching,
She's smiling too,
And her father joins in.

And together they're dancing,
Through the rare bright days,
And she is happy.

But I feel like I miss her,
And I know she's gone,
As she runs out of sight.

Now another face,
The same but older,
None of the joy in her eyes,
Leaning against an oak.

She's singing to herself,
And I know the song,
And her voice is my own.

Fade  me away,
Out of sight,
At least to me,
For just a while.

Dusk distracts my eyes,
As freely flows the blood,
As softly my head stirs the dark,
Draws in the night-stained,
Ink blots of sleep.

They swooped,
With simple grace,
Floating,
Glowing,
And beating their wings,
So silently,
They seemed to be,
Almost,
Magical.

On streets,
On Autumn evenings,
Under clouded skies.

Footsteps and
Crunch and
Avoiding others' eyes.

Falling ahead,
A single leaf,
In a ripple of light.

From a street-lamp,
Our own stars,
To fill the lonely night.

Where do I go when my world crumbles?
Sometimes I feel as though I just
Let the earth fall away
Beneath my feet
And wait
To hit the bottom of some pit
That already collapsed once.

Sometimes I try to run from
The inevitable destruction
And hide in corners
That might
Just about
Survive the end
But they never do.

Sometimes I search for a hand
To lead me to a safer place
And hold me tight
As everything
Comes tumbling
Down around us
But I can't find reach their fingers

And they're
Just
Falling
Too

I will not steal
Unoriginal streams
False flow frees no-one

The wind and the rain have conceded defeat,
No longer do they prevail,
And the splashing of water on the decks of the fleet,
Gives way to let them sail.

The sea is calm as the searching begins,
The convoy ventures out,
They guard the vessel of hope's lost twin,
Desperately protecting doubt.

But humanity's ships soon rest beneath the waves,
As their journey comes to its end,
Though they survived a thousand close shaves,
This time they couldn't defend.

The attackers, having dealt with the bodyguards,
Turn to eliminate their goal,
They prepare their canons and begin to bombard,
The boat that burns the soul.

Who are they that they are able to destroy,
a fundamental part of our lives?
They carry the flag of truth and joy,
Both thought to have died.

With a final barrage ambiguity falls,
Never to rise again,
From its ashes a humanity of confidence is born,
That will never be constrained.

Across those waves,
How romanticised in my mind,
So serene, so free of care,
The light filtered just right,
Over perfect faces,
Through beautiful trees,
Strolling down quaint lanes,
Exchanged smiles,
Eyes caught on each other,
For a moment that transcends language,
When all that matters is now,
Such fantasies,
But...perhaps?
Some fantasies come true, after all.
Time to find out...

In the heart of the evening,
Alone but for the passive hum of the fridge,
Waiting for the creeping force of fatigue
To press down upon my eyes.

He comes each night to interrupt,
To steal away my hours that march on unwavered,
And pass by without interest
In a solitary sleeping girl.

And from Him, She takes my limp body,
To sweeten the inescapable emptiness,
With promises, tales and memories
Crafted from my own

Falling from the skies,
Comes devastation,
Walls crumble,
As lives shatter,
In an instant.

Just out of reach,
The fires I long for,
Stretch for,
With breaking fingers,
Turning to dust.

Shards pierce skin,
As chaos spills into,
Restless streets,
Monuments mean,
Nothing to rivers of blood.

In the arms of
Discordant fear
No relief is found
But fear pushes
Us away
Like a mother does a child
Though she knows
The child will
Hate her for it
She still chooses
To be alone
Over letting that child
Face harm
So do not hate fear
But welcome it's guidance
For fear is selfless
But life can hurt

I can hear my breaths,
Panic and sweat,
I'm trembling,
Avoiding eye contact,
But knowing I have to eventually,
Take that step,
That leap,
To be honest,
With me.

Were my fingers feathers,
They would let me flee from here,
From feathers into wings,
And wings to lift to flight,
To freedom,
To dreams,
To life.

In wishful moments,
I would sing,
And on my breath,
I'd hear the echoes of wings,
And feathers floating away,
Up,
Beyond eye-line,
Past focus,
And I'd follow my voice,
Through storm and snow and silence,
Into the sky I know I need.

It is a comforting moment, when someone speaks with the voice in your head.
When another human being has complete, pure empathy,
To the point that they could be speaking from your notes.
To hear another not only agree but inhabit your view of life,
When anyone else would be afraid to take that place,
To know that these words are yours too -
How could any connection compare to that?
In that gilded moment when your voice is borrowed,
And used to perform miracles.

All around is pulled tight,
Strings of panic interwoven,
Wrapped round each other,
Fibres ripping fibres,
Fraying until they break,
Releasing bolts of fury,
Charging the air,
So I can feel it in my skin,
And I can't help,
But close up and shake,
For the stress of those around.

So it's time to hide again,
Behind a broken figurehead,
Dust off the mask and wear it
Not proud, ashamed,
But not allowed to show it,
So I'll let the mask hold my tears,
And shed them at home.

Squinting between the rushing bodies,
for some way to go,
some place I know.
But still I'm alone,
afraid, breathing
too fast, my
heart beating,
too fast, the
crowds moving,
too fast, and
pushing too
hard. I don't -
I don't know where I am. I -
I don't know where I'm going. I just -
I want to go home now but I don't know -
I don't know how to get there. Please won't
someone help me?
Anyone?
Please.
No use.