I've no words to express what I feel-
I've stared at the paper relentlessly
trying to conjure words of glory to
express the feelings you've caused
In me.
I've stared at the seeming-less walls
With no thoughts running through my
Mind.
I've aggravation because there are
No words for this poem.
I can't do what I'm best at because
I've no feeling.
No words to express how I feel-
Only because of you,
And your pettiness
-

Silence lurks through me
Faint thoughts cross my mind
I've been fighting sleep-

Possession takes over me,
Leading me to the desk
Rummaging through the drawers
I find what I'm told to-

Sitting in darkness
Fighting my demons
Calling those of greatness
But none answers-

At the swipe of a blade
I'm walking on clouds
Once again.

*relapse

And your pain?*
     Unbearable
Your thoughts?
     Uncontrollable
What about your actions?
     Unthinkable
And your expressions?
     On paper, On a canvas
Are you an artist?
     If you want to call it that
How about depression?
     Minimal
Close relationships?
     A few
The closest may be?
     No one in particular
Do you speak of your troubles with them?
     They wouldn't understand
What is your addiction?
     Temporary Pleasure
But-
     With pain, of course
What is it exactly, your addiction?
     A razor blade

When I look into the mirror
I see a girl-
A girl who hides behind her skin
I see a girl-
A girl with a look in her eyes
A look of regret
A look of sorrow
A look of a painful experience
I see what you've made me to be
I am a victim of yours
I am the girl they talk about
I am your victim
I am the girl you damaged
I am your victim
You're ******* victim
-
When I look into the mirror
I see nobody
I feel nobody
I hear nobody
When I look into the mirror
I see the fear blazing into my eyes
I feel the masculine of your hands beaming down on me
I hear your muffled groans and audible grunts
I am what you've made me to be
-----
I had a life
I planned a future
I wanted love
I wanted a husband
I wanted children
-
I wanted so **** much but-
I want you,
I want you dead
Buried six feet plus in the **** soiled ground
I want you gone
Banished to hell!
----
When I look into the mirror
I see the outcome of my most horrid nightmare
I feel the bile rising in my throat because you never fail to make me sick-
I fear you
I hate you
I ******* HATE YOU
But you're the only one I can think about.
---
I was raised
I was loved
I loved too
But you took that from me
You took so much from me
Confidence, you took from me
Bluntness, you took from me
Pride, you took from me
I believed in myself
I had faith in myself
But you took that from me
-----
I see you, Often enough
On the streets, selling dope
Riding around, lookin for ******
In my dreams, ****** me again!
You destroyed me, you took my womanhood away
You did this to me!
-
LOOK AT ME!
-
I can't walk outside alone because of you
I avoid alleys because of you
I hide behind tinted sunglasses hoping and praying I don't run into you
--
You changed my life in more ways than you can imagine
I am not the same person I used to be
I am not the same person I was last year
I am not the same person who completed high school
I'm not same person who politely introduced myself to you
I am not the same person my parents knew me as
I- I-... I am nobody
--
All because you took myself from me.

Look ahead, not at your past.