I miss you

I've never believed in love

but how can I explain the feeling I get when I look at you

because I say that you have ruined my life

but if I could go back to the day I first met you
where i walked with you in that long hallway after 5th period
I would do it all over again

yes, I wish I would have never met you
but I also wish that we could have a new beginning

because whatever we have is so different
and we messed that **** up

we ruined it for ourselves

so
yes, I would start over with you
but is it really worth it?
knowing we will probably ***** it up again

do I really want to be laying on my floor
a year from now
with a knife in my hand
just as I am doing now

because I was never good at change

but then again, I was never good at pleasing you

I watched the clock
7:39
7:40

In that minute
108 people died

what if one of those people happen to be
someone I knew
someone I love

so I have come to this epiphany
what the **** am I doing

I just wasted one minute of my life
a minute that someone could only wish for now
so why am I wishing my minutes away

love someone?
tell them
they don't love you back?
let them go. now.
have a test?
study
feeling sad?
cry
cry and cry and cry
feeling happy?
spread it

because every minute that passes
will never come back
and even though I love you,
the minutes are still passing,
and I know you are not coming back.

I thought about sending you my poetry link tonight
but immediately resisted the temptation
why should I give you the satisfaction of caring

you probably ****** the school **** tonight

im beginning this act where I don't care about you
and I don't care what you do
and I wish that was true
I wish you didn't consume my thoughts
every day
every hour
almost every minute

all the guys I talk to
are only a temporary high

they are a temporary filling for the hole you left in my heart

and maybe im the dumbest human being for still loving you through everything you have put me through
but I have never really been common sense smart
and maybe all of this is a lesson
to tell me what I deserve

but I still know I don't deserve better

and it just hurts
it hurts when I try and fall asleep
knowing you're probably not thinking of me
but another girl that you're probably just using

and I wonder when you'll realize that you actually liked me for me, not my body
but all these other girls won't mean **** after you please yourself
and I wonder when you will realize I actually mattered
and I wonder when you will realize you lost me

you lost me
and I lost myself
and I hope I can get back to the happiness I held before I met you
im just learning to live without you
how is it so easy for you babe?

I wish bawling my eyes out eased the pain
and I also wish my parents would stop asking me whats wrong when they already know
and I wish I could stop crying everynight
and I wish I wasn't suicidal
and I wish I was good enough for the only person I love
and I wish you loved me back
and I wish writing this poem right now wasn't the only thing stopping me from killing myself

but I looked into your eyes tonight
and I hope you saw it
but I know you're blind

im broken, you broke me

you told me the things I made for you meant absolutely nothing anymore.
I spent days on that
days.
and when you said that
I walked away
hoping you would chase me
or hit me with your car to put me out of my misery
but no, you didn't

and I wish you ******* cared about me
then maybe I would think my life is worth living....
and maybe I could go to bed at night without wanting to take my life

I just wanted you to ask me to stay
so I could be happy, be sane, stay a good person

but now that I know you don't care for me
why does it matter if I **** someone?
why does it matter if I do **** with a million boys
doesn't matter to you? why should it matter to me?
truth is im done giving a **** about life
when the one person I truly loved doesn't give half a **** about me

its one of those nights where I can't resist the temptation
im done
goodbye

criminals go to jail all of the time
for killing&stealing;

and taking peoples lives away from them

you killed me in every way

but i see you
every single day
walking the streets freely

and we stopped talking again
just as I expected

but tomorrow I have to see your face for the first time since then
and im not looking forward to it
because I know Im going to have untamed butterflies flooding my stomach

but for some chance if you're reading this
im doing my best to move on
I found this kid
which is probably going to make you mad
but im not trying to I promise
I just know he's a lot better for me than you ever were
im sorry
my love is finally fading

and I wish I could wind back time
because babe you're on my mind

and I saw you at the gym today
you gave me a small smirk
as if you've only talked to me once or twice in your life

and i know it's possible
but i don't want to love somebody else.

maybe its the changing of the seasons
but I don't love you anymore

i cant wait until i move on
and i feel sorry for you
because i overlooked all of your god-awful flaws
your temper
your selfishness
your inability to care about anybody but yourself
your black heart.
i could have anyone in the world
but i still chose you
every ******* single time.
and all you will soon be
is a detriment in my past
a scar on my (now dead) heart
a memory that fades but comes back at 3 AM.
maybe now
i will find someone
who loves me
instead of someone
who ***** the life out of me.
you were never satisfied,
even with my once beating heart
in your greedy hands

and maybe i fell so hard into lust
that you tricked me into believing it was love

"tell me another lie," I said.

"i love you," he replied.

and I can love you in my heart
but I cant love you in my arms
and its the worst part of reality

I turn my music louder so I wont hear my thoughts
but its stupid because the lyrics remind me of what I'm trying to forget

roses are red
violets are blue
its almost valentines day
but I don't **** with you

you* stabbed me 3 time straight in the heart
yes, im dying inside
yes, i still love you

your eyes have seen other girls
your words have slithered down ears of people not deserving
yes, im dying inside
yes, i still love you

you have cheated on me
you have broken my heart
you've told me i am unloved
yes, i am dying inside
yes, i still love you

your heart in no way is deserving of being unbroken
your ears should not hear my generous words
your eyes should never take a glimpse at me again
yes, im dying inside
yes, i still love you

you have ripped me to shreds
you have proven to me im not good enough
yes, im dying inside
how do i still love you?