I haven't let emotions or thoughts flow out of my system,
I've just been holding **** in
And as a result
I am now emotionally, and mentally clogged
And that's just blocking any progress or productivity of my inner self.
Writing has even become so difficult to accomplish.

I had the worst nightmare of my entire life last night.
Is it okay if I don't sleep for the next few days?

I am at battle,

have you noticed at all,

when walking down a hallway,

the barren expression that turns to a smile,

when interactions are needed.

It works for brief minutes,

like getaways,

a descending reality that never … lands,

keeps me suspended,

so I can survive,

so I can make it through the day.

Please don’t look for me alone,

let that peace remain a facade,

my marble castle,

my wax paper offering a translucent

image whom defines how I might need to appear;

satisfied,

content,

confident,

moving forward, always moving toward

the next goal,

that opportunity that allows my life

to have some identity.

Have I told anyone I am in a constant battle?

You just have to keep telling yourself that you're a **** good person and you don't deserve any of what he put you through.
You stayed and you went back even when he didnt deserve it.
You were always there to pick him up when he couldn't do it himself.
You would've swam oceans for him.
But he'll never realize that until you're in someone elses arms and you're truly happy.
Only then will he truly realize what he had and how good you were to him.
And he'll hate that you're happy with someone else.
And you'll be blissful.
Truly in love.
And you'll have someone that would swim oceans for you.

Its a new year.
A new beginning.
A clean slate.

So
Why do I feel so exhausted from breathing?