Please, close the door, and lock it shut
These feelings are the death of me
Unbearable sadness coupled with undying rage
Drives me sane, woke up in the hospital with a cold sweat.

All alone. alone with my thoughts, I cannot sleep
So I stare at the white ceiling thinking of you,
Wondering what I could of done to deserve this.
I tried to be a good friend, I know sometimes it doesn't seem like it,
I am full of love, but I don't know who to love.
Opening up to you took more effort than imaginable,
you take it for granted, but that's okay.
Use and abuse me I'll take the abuse.

Let this cancer grow
Take everything away
Nothing will stop the spreading
No hope no lies.

Robbed of a joy
Kept from the soulful
Not a smile in sight.

so I brought my writer wife
(prominently pregnant)
to the hospital
and on her bed, she screamed:
"weren't" "hasn't" "couldn't" "shan't"
"aint" "hadn't" "you're" "isn't"
"aren't" "didn't" "wasn't"
"who's?" "what's?" "he's" "she's"

The doctors were confounded
and they turned to me and they said:
"What the hell is she doing?"

And I replied with double speed
and a violent sense of urgency:
*"Don't you know?
She's having contractions -
she's a writer"

Each puff dulls the pain you bring,
Allowing myself time to feel euphoria.
Hate oozes as I soothe my soul,
Each second takes four hundred, and twenty moments to feel.

When it's over I'm left hoarse gasping for water, cotton in my mouth, and not a worry in the world.

When times are tough and things go blue.
Think of others worrying too
Just because your problems are many don't think others haven't any**

I remember these lines when I was a child.
Never understood the meaning behind others smiles.
I'd complain and grumble to all and sundry
How life's burdens made me weary
Till I paused for a while to take the time to realise.
The problems I encounter are mine alone
People's cups are overflowing
Why make a bone
Everyone's so wrapped up in their strife
Life's so deary, faded are the smiles
To each one his own, the selfish style
The world's gone crazy toppled lives.

Till one day I heard the wise words once again.
Evil has a way to storm you
Till your endurance breaks
Sunk in despair and in pain
The light will slowly begin to fade

You'll long for someone to rescue you
But help is not any where in sight
People are so wrapped up in their strife
It takes a mighty move to turn the tide.

So I'll make a start with me.
Maybe some day somebody will follow
Right now it is hard to see.
I'll give myself a reason to smile
Those wise words will remind
To bury my pain behind my smiles
To reach out to those in pain
An insight in their world to gain

Having said that, things will never be easy
Evil will always try to place hurdles
To make my path greasy
Armed with my Saviour's Love
I shall remember
IT ALL STARTS WITH ME.

HAVE WONDERFUL DAY