I know I'm not enough.
I promise, I know. So please,
I'm begging you,
stop reminding me.
I promise, I never forget.
But sometimes I get tired of
being sad, being upset.
I start to hold myself higher,
I let myself get past that roadblock.
But then you drop it suddenly atop me,
and I'm left further down the track than
I ever was before.
I know I'm not enough.
How many times will you remind me?

I never wanted an apology
I just want my life back.
I just want my breath back.
*I want you to mean nothing...

I've got to be able to tell the truth to somebody, sometime... right?

Are you sorry about yesterday?
Did you note the damage you inflicted
on an already broken being, a girl,
fighting to keep her tears at bay?

Are you sorry about tomorrow?
Will you regret the stupid decisions,
the way you choose to spend your life,
or your actions that will lead to sorrow?

People say the past is the past,
to stop obsessing over every little thing.
I try to tell my mind to stay out of tomorrow
but it wanders and the unknown is vast.

I’m sorry about yesterday,
and all the horrible things I did.
I’m sorry about tomorrow,
and for all the terrible things I’ll say.

Someone asked if I miss you
I said no

Then cried my eyes out

Because I do miss you

Because even when we were crashing

Crashing down like

Falling stars

You would hold me

And tell me

Even though

You were leaving me

You loved me

Because somehow

You were always able

To break my heart

And kiss it better all at once.

I thought about you
Just last night
And how we made love
One last time
And the way you wanted me
Had to have me
Like suddenly
Your ****** desires
Had been awakened
I remember the way you licked me
Like you were sorry you hadn't
For all those months
Like your tongue was spelling
Sorry into my skin
If I had known
That would be my last kiss
From you or anyone
I wouldve asked you
To swallow the ham sandwich
Just a little better
Or for you to kiss me
Just a little longer
Had I known
Or had I believed
The look in your eyes
We would still be
But alas I had finally learned
No matter how much you
Say you love me
You will still leave me
You will still
Say I'm not quite good enough
Had I known that I would never
See you again
I still would've held you closer
And rubbed your back
Or run my fingers through your hair
I would've begged for you to accept me
To just love me
But I was shattered when we made love
That's why I cried after
Because I knew
Deep down
I knew
I would lose
The one man I loved
Forever
I knew he would never
Hold me again
As I nestled my body into him
I just,
I knew.

Next time, I hope you fall in love with someone who always chats back and never lets you fall asleep thinking you're unwanted.

I hope you fall in love with someone who holds your hand during the scary parts of horror movies.

I hope you fall in love with someone who sees galaxies in your eyes and can write sonnets about them, and hears music in your heartbeat and laugh.

I hope you fall in love with someone who tickles you and make you smile on hard days and on easy ones.

But beyond all that, I hope you fall in love with someone who will never leave you behind and will never take you for granted, someone who will stand by you when you're right and stand by you when you're wrong, someone who has seen you at your worst and has loved you still.

I hope you fall in love with someone who kisses you in the rain and hugs you in the cold and wouldn't have you any other way..

So many calling out for blood
who have never tasted it.
I have tasted it. It is bitter.
It smells like copper
and tastes like doom.
If they shed it, it won't wash off.
And they will never be innocent
again. If they hire others to shed it,
in their secret hearts they
will forever be ashamed
and the word coward
will  always whisper
in their ears.

As it should.

  ~mce