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I lost myself somewhere in-between our ending and all of the might've been's
I wanted it to be you
the kind of love that was always more forest fire than fairytale
and all I know is you left me someplace in the middle of "I miss you" and "I need space"
I fell into your hesitation because it was all I had left
tell me you've been thinking of me
how you always preferred roses but you saw sunflowers in my room
and love never seemed less about romance
tell me how your mind aches for me as much as your body
but your knuckles grew white at the thought of his fingers on my skin
tell me what it's like to miss me in the chaos and not just at midnight
all of the words you don't know how to say and maybe that's why you fell in love with mine
joyce smokes cigarettes
she pays  around $8.50 a pack
but never has any money for food
after being poor, then still poor,
then poor again

love in the inbetween
dead to poor again
that's the order,

in this instance
there is no food in the house
just a trailer in her backyard
too close to a far away place
where her granddaughter does not feel safe
i can change i can change i can change i can change i can change i can change i can change i can change i can change i can change i can change i can change i can change
I should hate you
I should want to destroy you
Like you destroyed me
I should want to **** you
One day at a time
Like you killed me
I should want to
Forget every moment
Every millisecond
Since our lives intertwined
But I don't hate you
But I don't want to destroy you
But I don't want to **** you
But I don't want to forget
I want to keep the scars
So that I can trace them
So that
Whenever it's tempting
To throw myself
At someone else's feet
Begging for affection
For love
I'll close my eyes
And quietly remember
Every time that I felt worthless
Every time that I felt ashamed
Just for being me
All because
I wasn't good enough
All because
Someone else was better
All because
You cared more about your future
Than about our present
And I will make sure
That you are the only one
Who gets to say
I slammed the door in her face
Shoved her aside
Kicked her away
And she let me.
In other words, old news-ancient. And it wasn't worth it. -from my archives-

— The End —