nicoarty

nicoarty Apr 2017

Bloom

Just keep blooming little rose,
No-matter what upturns your roots,
What stones may clutch your stem,
Nor what draught and darkness shrouds your growth or twists your path,
Just keep blooming.
For someday, something will come along
That brings colour to your cells
Turns warmth to your skin
And shines the moonlight on your petals
As you have Always deserved

keep blooming through life, never just grow x

#hope

nicoarty Mar 2017

Long Forgotten

Once you've had everything
and lost it all
The difficulty is always in not remembering
in trying to actively forget
It seems such a simple thing before
but when you try, its like hell
Even when things change and move on
you're lost, sometimes dragged
into little whirls of memories
and what could be, or was
Even when you try to pick the pieces up,
glue it all back together
Its not the same
That little piece is always missing or out of place
The cracks will always show
Your vase cant hold water anymore once its been broke
Then it happens
One day, it becomes harder to remember than to forget
The next its easy again but after that;
it keeps happening
Like part of you is gone
You cant feel it the same way anymore
as much as you want to,
as hard as you try-
the feelings
the memories
the happiness you felt
Its all gone and eroded
Faded into time as if it never happened in the first place
As if it never held such importance in the first place
As if you didn't at some point feel you would die at the pain of what you've lost
And its almost worse
Cause you believe its gone for good
That little feeling is never coming back from either side
And all you have is not even the memory of something faded
You come to think of it
and its all gone.
Just like how,
i come to think of you,
and;

.

nicoarty Feb 2017

Be yourself

Be yourself
Never forget these tips
You're not really living when you live
With poison on your lips
The only chip on your shoulder is
The one you made yourself
Time is your Boulder
Why waste it for something else
And when humanity has thrown you
You're not wanted anymore
Cast-off their shroud of bitterness
And open up the doors
As life is for the living
Each individual and all their time
Don't ever let someone compress you
Say my life is not yours it's mine
Feel the truth as you hear it
Know your decisions bring what comes
No one else can take the blame
If you never get things done
So take a second to realise
All you have become
Good things and bad things
All rolled into one
Because all of this is you
For better or for worse
All of this is me
A blessing and a curse

nicoarty Feb 2017

Timeless not us

I would give the world to stay
But the world is not mine to give
And time cannot be changed
Even by the world and those born of it
So in love, I do not seize the impossible
Though I wish it were untrue
Instead, I'll lay here a while,
And talk from afar with you

Hoping that we take each moment
Never for granted
Treasure every opportunity that we can find
Because moments live only once in happiness
When they're what we've wanted all our lives
I dream of my wish being true
And our friendship burning bright in the skies
Whole constellations of differences
A universe of different lives

For you are Yours
And I am Mine
We need only ourselves to be whole
But that doesn't mean we can't be side by side
Best friends again, not quite alone.

And though I would give my world to stay here
My world is not truly something i's want to give
And the future cannot really be changed
By men of the world in which we live.

nicoarty Feb 2017

Won't give you up

Maybe what was good was bad and bad was good
But if so would it hurt that we could
Return and try till we break once more
Till one or the other walks out the door

But in a way that would hurt less than this
Knowing it's over without what ifs
But we're stuck in a limbo, both still in love, can't let go
but
It's not the right time, we'll lose each other.
We know.

Something I can't do and neither can you
Is lose my best friend and lover, though it seems what we have to do.
To survive this, endless pain
How I wish to go back and live it all again

Fix what was good to make it better
Change my heart to realise sooner
That my dream had changed from art to you
And now I'm left in a pit with nothing- without you

As I said.
Maybe what was good was bad and bad was good
Our love was good but we were too young to feel as strong as we could
In that way it was bad
And we'll struggle to fix it
But should we hold onto our chance? Or cut ropes and drift this?
So confused cause you care and act like you love,
but at the same time it breaks me we're not as close as we should
Be.
We should be,
But only in a couple years or three.
But what then when I'm all alone,
Come back and find you've forgotten me?
Or will you be there, been my friend, still in love with me?
Can this grow again, you said that maybe there was a chance.
But I couldn't bare for us to hurt even more in this dance.

Distance is unforgiving but it's what we both need. Is it working for you?
It's not for me

Till the end you make me happy
And at the moment the end is a happier sight
Than that of a life without you, all alone
Even with art it's a fight.

Bad and good, good and bad,
What does it matter if it just makes you sad
I'll chase happiness wherever I find it
At the moment all i can find is you
With your double barrelled pain
Shooting once for like we were, shooting again for distance away.
But I have to take my chances
After I build myself up
You are all that I want now
And I won't give you up.

nicoarty Dec 2016

Dreamless sleep

The gallows swing in my gown
how my grievous allure
axiom, snares me down
an appellative of harrowing quintessence
wearing lilies like an aureole
-crowned in by anemone and asphodel
the paraded gait of my soul

absence of faithful apparitions
cogent til their demise by my own dolor
nihility is my dear conviction
to dwell on dreamless sleep once more

alas lucidity comes abrupt
falsehoods pellucid in the eyes of divinity
tainted now i cite apprehension
bear garlands of wormwood, for i am corrupt
still gallows shall swing in my gown
whether in repose or in waking
the gallows swing in my gown
in knots the Styx shall be waiting.

"To die, to sleep -
To sleep, perchance to dream - ay, there's the rub,
For in this sleep of death what dreams may come" - Hamlet

#suicide #depression #illness #death #sleep #dreams #mental #deception #tainted #botany

nicoarty Oct 2016

Time-

please...
...you have to let me go...
i cant live like this
so still
so stuck
i have to fly
i have to be free
please...

i will forever lean into tomorrow,
no matter where it may take me,
no matter where i go,
because tomorrow is always a sunrise,
the blank canvas will never stop,
i can stretch into a new horizon,
crate a new worlds each and every day
...Dance with creation, and never drop
and maybe,
On the one day i open my eyes,
to see the same thing as the day before,
and know, with all my heart,
that this is what i want to see tomorrow,
that my smile will be true,
maybe then, maybe on that day,
i will stand still with you
and watch endless time pass us by...

but for now
I'm going to chase the sun
And hide in the stars,
because my universe isn't done yet
Though i'll have to leave ours...
i'll come back to you soon
one day,                      i know i will be true
As as much as i feel the need to be free,
i know i wish it were with you
But we cant
we have to travel this path alone
I cant pull you along for my ride
As you deserve your own

No, i wont be selfish
I couldn't wish that for you

just promise me
                     if you can
that one day when  my dance is done
i can return to hold your hand
Never having been forgotten
So i wont be alone

i'm sorry i have to leave you
              forgive me
                           please

                                    don't say no

we both have to do this together,     i swear i'll understand,
whatever your decision,       i'll wish us hand in hand,
and if it cant be,      i can walk the path I've come,
praying as if it were the earth, i can walk my past back to the sun

but if it cant be
please, just let me fall
All i wish for is to be free
     with you, after-all

And you may not wish the same
after all our time
even then i'll be happy
even if only in my mind

And i would wish the same for you
That you find your happiness,
And if it is with me-    then i guess
             i'm blessed
but anyway
                  i should go now
the sun's getting low, somehow
remember, i love you
please, just don't let go.

goodbye my love,
   see you tomorrow.

This was written to be performed to Time by Hans Zimmer, starting after the first (set of) four chords. read as you please, this is purely therapeutic for me.

#freedom #time #art #sorrow #selfish #courage #creation #university #parting #selfless